Don't You Remember
by Vengeance-n-Luv
Summary: Flashes of the Tara and Jax that fell in love at sixteen and the awkward meeting and sparks that would come after she flees Chicago to go back home to Charming, to Jax.  This is how their love came to be and how Jax's heart became broken.  Tara/Jax
1. Chapter 1:  A House is not a Home

Disclaimer: I don't own Sons of Anarchy, but I am an avid lover of the show and the amazing characters. No copyright infringement intended; this is purely fan based and not for profit. Rated M for graphic language, smex, violence, motorcycles, Irishman, Charlie Hunnam's facial hair, Elvis, and adult content. You have been warned.

A/N: I love this show and have been a major fan of Charlie Hunnam's for awhile. This is by far my favorite character of his. I totally am fascinated by the gang mentality and the ideology of a MC. This is pretty much a prequel and I will try to keep things as close to canon as possible. Set during season 1 with flashbacks of how Jax and Tara first met. The timeline will jump back and forth quite a bit. Also, this is my first time writing fanfic. I usually write original fiction, but I couldn't help myself. I just burned through all 3 seasons in two days. My biker dad has been harping on me to watch the show and I finally got to doing it. I was hooked from the first episode.

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Chapter 1: Home

Jackson "Jax" Teller was jaded to say the least. At twenty nine years old with an unexpected kid on the way, he had never felt more out of control in his life. Wendy was a junkie, and he acknowledged this even though he really didn't give enough of a shit to make sure she stayed clean. That all changed when she told him that she was carrying his baby and that she was keeping it. Jax was terrified by the thought. He had just filed for divorce from this woman whose face should have been lost amongst the masses of one night stands and bitches whose names he couldn't remember.

"Fucking Wendy Case," he muttered out loud. He definitely couldn't forget her now, as much as he wanted to. She was going to be attached to him for the rest of his life. They were going to have a kid. The reality of the situation hadn't hit him yet and he had been pointedly avoiding Wendy for the last couple of days. He was sitting in his modest home as he shuffled through some papers on his table, lighting a cigarette and taking a thoughtful drag.

He heard the car screech up and looked out the window. A familiar black firebird had just burned up the driveway. With a dramatic slamming of the car door, his mother emerged looking as intimidating as ever with her teased up hair and stiletto heels.

"Shit," he said and then quickly put out the bud to answer the door. There was no need as his mother all but broke the damn door down to get in. She was huffing and puffing and her lips were set in a stern line. She was wearing her trademark shades, but Jax didn't need to see her eyes to know that Gemma was pissed. Jax thought he would try to diffuse the situation in his normal way: by being cute and charming, flashing his trademark grin and pulling her into a hug. "Mo-om," he crooned, "so I guess you heard the news…"

"Don't you fucking 'Mom' me you little shit!" she roared. Jax winced and sat down on the couch while his mom proceeded to rip him a new one. She whipped off her shades and stared him down with her black eyes.

"Wendy, that junkie crow eating ex-whore of yours, is knocked up with some crank baby that she thinks is yours. I ran into her at the store, and she all but begged me to convince you to take her back. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON , JAX?" she ranted. To Jax it seemed that she said this all in one breath and she was left huffing again like she had just run a marathon.

"I didn't know how to tell you, ma. It was a mistake. I thought I was done with her, but it looks like we'll have to straighten her out," he said somberly.

"Well, I can push her junkie ass down the stairs or she can go to the clinic and scrape that demon bean out."

"Mom, she wants to keep the baby," he muttered, "I already tried to talk-"

"She thinks she can keep it?" Gemma said, and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head. "That's it! I'm gonna take a coat hanger to this bitch!"

"MOM! Shit, calm down. There's nothing that we can do. She's gonna go through with this. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure she's still using, and she doesn't have anywhere to go. I think I'm gonna let her stay here." He got up and started pacing around, running his hands over his face in an attempt to gain some clarity. Gemma sat down and seemed to have calmed herself somewhat.

"How do we even know if it's yours?" she asked, almost pleading with Jax. He then explained that he was pretty sure it matched up. They had sex almost a month ago in an attempt to rekindle something and he hadn't wrapped it up like he normally did. She was his wife once, afterall. That was a huge mistake. He was still going to get a DNA test to make sure once the bun was done baking. He could see his mom trying to calm down after her little tirade.

"Fine. So we've established that the junkie is keeping the baby…and she'll be staying here. Where are you gonna stay, baby? You two will kill each other if you stay under the same roof," she said. Her voice softened as she held on to her son's hands. As always, Gemma was all about family first, and if this unborn child was potentially Jax's, then she was going to do whatever she could to take care of it.

"I was thinking that I'd stay in my old room at the clubhouse. We need to make sure Wendy is clean and get her set up over here," his mind raced with all the shit that he was going to have to take care of to clean this situation up. As always, his mom was the rock that held everything down.

"Listen, I'll take care of everything, baby. I'll have some of the boys bring her things over here and the prospect can help you move some stuff back to the clubhouse. Next, we'll need to set her up for doctor's appointments, vitamins, and I'll go to the hospital and see if they still have that drug counselor. Maybe he can give us some advice on how to make her stay off this shit, at least until my baby comes out," said Gemma. She mentally ticked off all the things that she had to do, but Jax sensed the energy that was crackling in his mother's eyes. She lived for taking care of others and things had been quiet in the clubhouse. This would give her something to do and she would be able to boss people around like she liked to do.

"I love you Ma. Don't know what I would do without you. I know it's shitty timing too. Opie's about to get out. We need to throw him a big one too," he said. Yet another thing to stress him out, but at least something good would come out of it. His best friend and right hand man Opie was finally getting out of the big house after a five year stint for arson because another club member had flaked out and left him in the getaway car. They were going to plan a major celebration to welcome back the lost member and brother.

"I love you too, baby. Don't worry; I'll take care of everything. And Opie's going to be fine. He gets out in three days, so I'll have everything planned and taken care of," Gemma said, in that motherly tone that she loved to abuse. Jax gave her a hug and walked her to the door.

"Take care…Grandma," he said, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Fuck you, Jackson," she said playfully, though Jax didn't miss the little smile that snuck on her face. She really was excited to add more to her precious family. Just then, Jax received a text on his cell phone. It was from Clay. _Heads up, man. Mom's on the prowl. She just ran into your ex. She says she's preggers. She is pissed, lay low! _

_Good fucking timing, _he thought, and he wondered just what the fuck else could happen to shake things up.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Gemma had just finished running all her errands in less than two hours. She was nothing if not efficient. She had got some of the croweaters to catch Wendy and help start moving some of her things. Half-sac was going to help Jax at his house and clean things up at SAMCRO headquarters. After that, Gemma had power walked her way to the grocery store and had purchased an obscene amount of alcohol, food, and cigarettes in preparation for Opie's coming home celebration. After she had dropped the stuff off at the clubhouse, she headed to St. Thomas Hospital to find Dr. Barnes, the local rehab specialist. She was running a hundred miles a minute per her usual coping method of stress. She was trying to get it out of her head that her beloved son was going to give his gift of life to an undeserving crackwhore.

She had just finished talking with the doctor and left with an armful of pamphlets and informational booklets in hand. Finally, her mind had started to calm down a bit and she found herself wandering the halls, lost in thought. It would be nice for her to have a grandson, she thought. She was reminiscing about when Jax and Thomas were babies and how soft and squishy they were, and how good they smelled. Thomas…she couldn't let herself think of him right now. He was nearly still a baby when he died and it still put a lump in her throat to think of her deceased son.

Subconsciously, she had made her way to the neonatal unit. She paused in front of the viewing window and looked in on the babies. Her heart swelled with love and longing as she looked in on their innocent faces right before it shattered after hearing a familiar voice.

"I'll be prepped and ready to scrub in…give me just a few minutes to finish signing off on this, and I'll be right there," said Dr. Knowles. Her voice was sweet and almost shy, but her bright eyes were unwavering and strong. Gemma had frozen with her back to Tara's as she stole a look at her reflection in the glass. Yup, it was Tara alright. She still had that thick shiny hair, though it was pulled up in a bun. No makeup, as usual, and she was still thin and simply adorned in her doctors scrubs. Gemma bit back a bitchy retort for the angelic looking harpy.

"Dr. Knowles," said the meek looking nurse, "I just wanted to let you know how much we appreciate you here. We are so lucky to have someone of your skill in our little group here."

"Thank you so much. I know I've only been here a week, but I feel good here…safe," she replied, before walking off with the nurse. Gemma exhaled and quickly took note. So she had only been back for a week, maybe there was still time….she remembered how Jax had been with Tara and it scared the hell out of her.

_13 years ago_

Jax was sixteen and loving life, every bit as arrogant and cocky as he would grow up to be. And he was ridiculously in love. His mother could see it written all over the dopey grin on his face. He was going to bring her to dinner-something he never did with any girl. Gemma was nervous. Every word out of his mouth lately was Tara this and Tara that, when it used to be _club_ this and _Sons_ that. This wasn't just pussy. It was becoming more and more clear how much Jax felt for this _Tara_ girl. She had never seen him act this way. He sat Gemma down and warned-WARNED her to be nice to Tara. Gemma had agreed and went back to cooking dinner for her son and their guest. She would be over in an hour.

The doorbell rang and Gemma popped her head out of the kitchen to watch her son blaze down the stairs to answer the door. She secretly watched him as he straightened his shirt and pulled up his too baggy pants before opening the door. She couldn't see Tara, but she watched Jax's face as he greeted their guest. Ice surrounded her intestines as she saw the look of intense love in her son's eyes. He was still lean and a little uncomfortable in his tall body. He had shorter hair back then and barely any stubble on his handsome face. Boyish, and immature, but when he looked at Tara, he looked…sure…like everything was…complete. "Hey babe," he said, and the smile on his face could have lit up the world. She heard the soft voice of the girl say something in reply and then she stepped in. Clay had lumbered down to greet the guest as well. He smiled and reached out his hand. Tara was still blocked by the barrier of the door, but Gemma took in her slender ivory hand that gently shook her husband's. Gemma finally came out of her hiding place as the boys went into the living room.

"Hi, I'm Gemma, Jax's mother," said Gemma sternly. Her eyes raked in the too skinny form of 16 year old Tara with her dark eyebrows and glittering eyes.

"It's nice to meet you ma'am," she said as she held out her hand. Gemma just stared at her with her lips pursed in distaste.

"Mom!" hissed Jax, and Gemma took Tara's hand and squeezed. Surprise flittered in her deep gray green eyes and a blush started creeping up her lily white neck. But Gemma was surprised that she met her gaze head on and there was a hardness there that she did not know the girl had. She let go and sauntered over to the couch to sit on Clay's lap. Clay just took in the gesture and chuckled as he rubbed his hands down her legs to calm her down somewhat. Jax was pissed and gritting his teeth, having witnessed the aggressive way his mom shook his girlfriend's hand. He sat down next to Tara and quickly took her hand in his own rubbing in a surprisingly gentle way. Tara was biting her lip and it quirked into and small smile. Their eyes met and there was instant electricity, like they were the only two people to have ever existed. Gemma and Clay felt it from across the room and Gemma felt her heart break just a little bit for her baby boy.

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Tara was writhing beneath him, mewing and fisting his hair as he buried his face in between her legs. He licked up and down her slit and pressed his mouth into her pussy as she came hard, bucking into his face. He had a triumphant grin plastered on his face that was red from his work between her legs. His hair was sticking in different directions and his white skin was sporting red marks from Tara's nails. Tara thought he looked beautiful. She was splayed out beneath him breathing heavily. He wrapped himself around her body and ran his fingers through her thick, luscious hair. He stared into her gray-green eyes and pressed his chest to hers. It still didn't feel close enough. Unconsciously, he rubbed his dick on her still slick skin and she bucked up to meet him. He entered her with a groan, panting into the side of Tara's face as he kissed up and down her neck in between thrusts. She was moaning again and it was spurning him on until he felt that familiar pull in his stomach. She started to flutter around him, clamping, CLAMPING, COMIN-

Jax woke up with a start, skin clammy from sweat. He was tangled in the flannel sheets in the clubhouse room that would be his temporary home until Wendy had the kid. Tara…he was dreaming about her again, and the fact that she wasn't there seemed almost cruel-but no! He wouldn't let himself think about her again. It was too much and he started to feel that familiar ache in his heart that was associated with his thoughts of her. He rolled over, still sporting wood from that suggestive and traitorous dream. There was a naked croweater passed out beside him, bare ass in the air. He rubbed against her and she finally woke up with a drunken grin plastered on her face. Her makeup was all smeared and she looked sloppy. Tara never wore makeup and she always-NO-he thought. He wouldn't let himself think of her. He turned the slut onto her stomach and started pounding his dick into her. He couldn't remember the girl's name as she moaned wantonly, couldn't remember a thing about her, even as he fucked her fiercely; and the girl he wanted to forget, wanted so desperately to move on from, he would always remember. He would never forget.


	2. Soundtrack

**Don't You Remember Soundtrack**

**SOA**

1. Don't You Remember- Adele (4:03)

2. California King Bed- Rihanna (4:11)

3. Promises- Adema (4:16)

4. Superman- Eminem (5:50)

5. Speechless- Lady Gaga (4:31)

6. Emergency- Paramore (4:02)

7. Blue and Yellow- The Used (3:21)

8. Like You'll Never See Me Again- Alicia Keys (3:47)

9. Who Knew- Pink (3:28)

10. Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy (4:25)

11. In My Veins- Andrew Belle (5:16)

12. Satellites- Beyonce (3:08)

Just a hold over until the next chapter. This is the song listing that I used when working on Don't You Remember. I own nothing, but these songs were my inspiration.


	3. Chapter 2: The First Part IA

*This is a little slow to start off, but it will pick up-PROMISE

Chapter 2: The First (Part I)

It was his sixteenth summer and Jax had been patched in after a brutal year as a prospect cleaning up beer bottles and scrubbing toilets for the club. Last year had been tough on the Sons of Anarchy. Their president, John, had tragically passed away, but not before seeding unrest and doubt inside of the club. Despondent and reflective, his last days caused unease and he had distanced himself from club life. Still, his death was felt and mourned by all in the town, but the fractures in the club had remained.

Clay, the former vice president, had now assumed a position of leadership with Piney stepping up as VP. The crotchety old war veteran had grudgingly accepted, but made it clear that he would only be there temporarily. "I'm getting old as balls," he grunted.

Clay then married Gemma only 4 months after the death of John, a move that no one in the club questioned. Clay and Gemma had eyes for each other even before JT had passed away, and even if it was insultingly soon, no one said a damn word. His massive apelike jaw was big and strong and was only shadowed by his even bigger fists. No…things had not been easy for Jax, and Clay wasn't going to baby him.

If anything, he worked him even harder as he knew that pretty boy Jax needed the opportunity to prove himself worthy to the SOA. John's death had been the hardest on Jax, as he idolized his father and had been dreaming of life on a bike and being a SON since before he could remember. So he buried himself in club work and proved himself worthy. His loyalty was unquestionable, cementing the legacy of his father in a positive light. With his daring antics and out of the box thinking, he had saved the club's ass on numerous runs. This earned him a spot as Junior VP, a position specially created for him by Piney.

Jax had grown a hardness over the last year as he started to transition into manhood. Eyes that once had that childish wonder and curious spark now had a steely glint that could burn and intimidate. The runs had taken a toll on his body, shaping him with lean, iron muscles that were made of real strength, and not that superficial cut that fucking around on steroids in the gym bought. Muscles were earned on drug runs and dodging bullets, hauling crates of guns, and turning wrenches at the shop. Strength came from his intelligence, inherited from his father, and his surprisingly compassionate nature. The club respected him, he was undyingly loyal to the club.

He had just grown another three inches in the last year and had started to lose some of that softness in his face, making him a handsome young man. The ladies had not failed to notice him either. With his good looks and flirtatious personality, the girls flocked to Jax…and now he had the cut too. The leather jacket now had the SOA patch replacing "prospect." Pussy was not a problem for Jax.

He hadn't been a virgin since he was fourteen, and then it was awkward and too quick for both parties. They say you always remember your first. Jax couldn't even remember if she was blonde or brunette; he was **that** hung-over. He had been with a plethora of girls since then, a few of them steady and more than once, but never anything that he would call a relationship. He just liked to have a steady place to stick it every now and then. And he ALWAYS wrapped it up. Gemma had sat him down for the sex talk a year too late, and instead of it being humiliating like he expected, he had laughed as his mom grilled him about condoms and then gave him pointers in sweet talk. He kind of brushed her off, but after he caught Tig in the bathroom with his pants down sporting a raw looking rash, he made sure that he always had condoms on his person.

Summer was almost over and Opie and he were getting ready to go back to school. Only now they both would have the cut. Opie was a year older than him and had been his best friend since they were two rough little kids hanging around the Teller Moore Garage. He was not looking forward to going back to school and considered dropping out. It was sophomore year and he was lucky to have passed freshman term. The endless toil of being a prospect meant that he continually skipped class, never did his homework, and usually ended the day in a fight. This was usually remedied by Gemma storming over to the school and shoving her stiletto in the principal's ass. However, there was going to be a new principal this year, and she was notorious for being tough as nails, having reformed and cleaned up several schools in the toughest hoods in Oakland. He had a feeling that this year, he might have to put a little effort into his schoolwork, but still, it would always be second to the club…just like everything else.

Jax woke up that morning with 15 minutes until class started. He hopped in the shower, brushed his teeth, and threw on a white tee and baggy jeans. Blonde hair stuck out in outrageous directions as he violently rubbed his towel through his hair. As usual, he didn't bother with a comb, and the straw colored locks would dry with that carefree messy look that most guys tried to have on purpose. It was growing almost past his ears now. He popped on his cut and ran to his bike, already five minutes late and about ten minutes in between himself and the school. He would have to speed to get there, not a problem with Jax at all.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

On the other side of town, in a less wealthy neighborhood, Tara Knowles had already been awake for a good hour. She had showered, brushed, and her auburn tresses were neatly combed back into a clean ponytail. She had ironed and pressed her clothes and had started breakfast on the stove for her and her father. He was still passed out on the couch after a date with a bottle of Jack Daniels. She picked up some of his socks and pieces of trash, straightening out the house as was her usual duty.

She had a simple breakfast of eggs and toast, wrapping a plate for her dad and putting a bottle of water on the coffee table to help with his hangover when he woke up. She would be saddened by how comfortable she was with this routine, but she genuinely loved her father. Patrick Knowles was a good man, but had taken to the drink when his wife died seven years ago. He worked hard, but remained distant, choosing to live in the memory of Tara's mother. Patrick was a notorious packrat, keeping many of his wife's things, refusing to put the past away and move on. When it became too difficult, he would drown his sorrows with alcohol.

Tara quickly learned how to take care of the house and to move the furniture when her dad came stumbling in the house. She knew that 3 aspirins and a bottle of water would help a grown man nurse a hangover, and to have a spare trashcan nearby if he passed out too far away from the bathroom. She learned how to cook and clean and it turned her into a mature woman in a sixteen year old body. Tara didn't really mind nursing her dad. She actually enjoyed taking care of him; it gave her a sense of satisfaction and a determination that things would be better for her when she grew up. The drinking was only a problem when he brought his friends over to the house. On too many occasions, the more lecherous looking ones would eye her blossoming body up and down. The thought made her skin crawl.

She studied hard in school and was very disciplined. Money was tight in the household and she knew that she had to earn a scholarship to pay for college. Straight As had ensured that she remained painfully friendless at her school, not that she minded any. She had many acquaintances, but no one that she could really confide in. Bottled down, her feelings were locked down and pushed away as she drilled into her studies as a coping mechanism.

After making sure that her dad was taken care of, Tara walked to the bus stop, five minutes early, of course. She was chilly in the cool air of six a.m. School would start in another hour and the next forty five minutes would be spent on the ridiculously long bus ride. It was moist outside which meant it would be humid as hell when the sun finally came up. She didn't mind and spent most of her ride going over her schedule and trying to imagine what her classes would be like. She had heard that they were going to have a new principal this year, and hopefully she would straighten out a lot of the riff raff that was going on in the school. She finally arrived at Charming High School with the bus full of chattering kids. A girl named Donna Gates had sat by her because of the packed volume, and she made pleasant conversation, but after all the normal niceties were made, there was an awkward silence. They both got off the bus and said goodbye.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara had made it through first the day well enough, and her last class for the day was English, which she did pretty well in. Arriving first in class because she did not waste time to chat in the hallways and flutter about, she sat nervously; the day was almost over. She cracked open her book and pulled out a neatly labeled notebook and pencil. It was almost obsessive compulsive. People began to fill up the class room and soon the bell rang to start class. The teacher was a beady eyed balding man named Mr. Lecher. He was a mousy man and prone to shaky hands and panicky quirks. He passed out the books and started to drone on about the goals and curriculum of his class.

"Well, if it isn't Miss Goody Two Shoes," said a throaty voice. Tara was writing and snapped her pencil tip off when she heard that familiar voice. She whipped her head around to her right and noticed Natalie Givens, the blonde haired, busty school slut. She was notoriously bitchy too, but her talent for spreading her legs had made her quite popular in school.

"Hello, Natalie," Tara replied dryly. Natalie was about to say something snippy, but Tara caught the look on her face as her scowl became a smile when a certain someone walked through the door.

Jax Teller strolled into English class five minutes late per usual, and strutted to the back of the room where Natalie had puffed out her chest to show off her ample cleavage. She was eyeing him like a starving tiger would a fat zebra. Tara watched as he seductively stroked her chin as he walked by taking the seat behind her. Tara could feel the sexual energy he gave off from the moment he entered the room.

"Jackson Teller, you are five minutes late," stammered Mr. Lecher.

"Yeah, sorry teach, had to take care of some business," he said casually. Mr. Lecher called him up to his desk to hand him his book and Tara took that moment to get up and sharpen her pencil. When she was done she started to walk back to her desk just as Jax turned around with his book in hand. He turned a little too sharply and bumped right into Tara's outstretched hand with her newly sharpened pencil.

"Ahhh SHIT!" he quipped. Her pencil had hit him at an odd angle and left a greasy graphite line on his pristine white shirt. A tiny drop of blood blossomed from where the pencil tip had snapped of and poked his skin. Tara was mortified.

"Oh my God! I am sooo sorry, are you okay?" she said.

"Yeah, darling, it's nothing, really," he said, and in truth, it was just a scratch and didn't hurt. He was just noticing for the first time who he was looking at. He took in her ivory skin and lips that were too pink and all of the sudden she was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"Nonono, you're bleeding; we have to have the nurse take a look at that," she said and he interrupted his focus on her pouty lips when an idea suddenly formed in his head.

"You're right, it's really starting to sting now, and look at the blood," he said in mock pain, and Tara paled even further, "Mr. Lecher, don't you think that she should escort me to the Nurse's office?"

"Why-why yes, you should go," he said, dismissing them from class. Tara quickly walked to her desk and was surprised when Natalie stood up and grabbed a hold of her wrist.

"Really, the nurse's office? You did that on purpose. You just fucked up his shirt so you'd have an excuse to touch him!" hissed Natalie. Tara sniffed angrily and shoved her things into her backpack. Jax walked over to her to see if she was ready to "escort" him. "Jaxy-baby, she really messed up your favorite shirt, didn't she. Look she stained up the white, and you know Tara doesn't have a mom and her dad's a drunk. She can't pay to get you a new one," she said cattily. Jax simply looked down at his shirt and frowned before shrugging, but Tara was pissed and her headstrong side emerged. It only took a moment for the harshness of her words to fuel Tara into to bitch-mode.

"Well, from what I hear from half the guys in the school, you could suck that shirt clean with that STD infested mouth of yours. Come on, Jackson, before your wound gets infected," she said smartly. She then grabbed Jax's hand in a bold move and walked out the classroom. The other kids started laughing, but they were drowned out by Jax's boisterous laugh as he followed Tara out the room. "Sorry about that," she continued, and she became painfully aware of the fact that she was holding hands with an extreme stranger. "She just really irks me." Tara shyly pulled her hand out of his and they walked down the halls, but Jax was going the wrong direction. "Uuuummm, Nurse's office is this way," she called after him.

"Well, the bitch was right unfortunately. I think this is gonna stain. Come with," he said as he pulled up to the water fountain. The halls were empty and Tara awkwardly introduced herself. "I'm Jackson Teller, but everybody just calls me Jax," he said, and then he pulled off his cut and handed it to Tara. He then surprised the hell out of Tara and pulled off his shirt completely. She let her jaw drop as she took in his golden skin and taught abs. Jax smirked and rinse his shirt off in the fountain. "Well, it looks like most of it's rinsing out, my mom can take care of the rest," he said smoothly. Tara just stood quietly and maybe nodded her head. A red blush began to creep up her neck, and Jax thought it was adorable. He was having fun pushing her buttons, he discovered. He then rinsed off the tiny little scratch on his torso.

After he wrung out his shirt, he pressed into Tara's personal space, his bare chest radiating heat. He was happy to find that she didn't back up and met his gaze with those piercing eyes. He was about to say something suggestive when a sharp voice echoed down the hall and jolted them out of the moment.

"STUDENTS!" yelled a voice, and they realized that it was coming from a rather stern looking **B**lack woman in a very sharp looking suit. She was fuming. "What is going on here?" Jax boldly stepped forward and explained the situation, suddenly very aware that he was half naked. Tara noticed a blush flood his back and torso as they realized that they were talking the new Principal. Fixing her eyes on Jax's back, she curiously let her eyes trace the elaborate ink that made up the massive expanse of his back. She looked at the foreboding grim reaper with his bloody sickle and suddenly realized that she was talking to **THE JAX TELLER**: notorious man-whore, trouble maker, and prince of the local motorcycle gang that ran the town. She was a little taken back by how nice he seemed.

"Well, it is clear that there is an extreme lack of discipline and order in this school. Both of you have detention, one hour, after school," she said. They both started up at the unfairness of it, but she cut them off, "Mr. Teller, you are clearly out of compliance with the school's dress code, and Miss Knowles, you were about to engage in a lewd activity."

"What the hell?" interrupted Jax, but Principal Skinner cut him off again.

"Okay, let's make it a week's worth of detention-another word and I'll make it a month," she yelled. Jax lurched forward, but Tara had wrapped her arm around his waist to hold him back. It seemed the natural thing to do. They both kept silent as the principal walked away with a quick snapping of her heels.

"I've never had detention before," said Tara, a little lost and embarrassed by the situation.

"Well, I've been plenty of times," said Jax, "it's easy, and there's a first time for everything."

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara Knowles had been home for a week. She had made the physical move from Chicago back to Charming after spending more than a decade away. But she was scared and disoriented and needed something to ground her back into reality. Joshua Kohn was her ex and disturbed her more than anything she had ever experienced. She had to get away. She needed to go home, to feel safe again.

She didn't want to think of the one she left behind, the man she loved. _JAX TELLER_, her mind whispered to her. She was broken hearted at the way things were left between them, and she refused to hope that he would be single. It was the most secret desire in her heart, even after ten years, but she would never acknowledge or admit it. Every time she pictured her future, it was with him in it, so she decided not to think about it at all. She was a doctor, and they dealt in logic, not the impossible.

She delved into her work to cope with the emptiness that she felt. She tried to convince herself that things were better off since she left. She wasn't in jail and didn't have to deal with all the crazy shit that came with being in the club. She was a prestigious doctor and she respected herself. Sometimes the lies were enough…most of the time they weren't.

She woke out of lie on her third day back in town. She had moved into her father's old place and had to deal with the physical and mental clutter that the place brought. Everywhere she was haunted by old photographs and the ghosts of the life that had been. The memories came flooding back, but she didn't allow them to affect her meticulous work as she dusted away and sorted through the fragments of the past. That is, until she came across a box in her old bedroom closet. She opened it up and looked in on a box of old pictures…of her and Jax.

She remembered sealing away this box on the day she left, with instructions left for her father to give it to Jax. Apparently, he had forgotten. She was jolted into a numbing shock as she picked up the crinkled photo. It was of her and Jax sitting on his Harley. He looked so young and innocent, and she looked…_happy_. She fought back the tears that were stinging her eyes. She had cried for days after she left Charming, and then again when her father passed away…and she hadn't cried since then. Not when Joshua started leaving dead roses on her doorstep, not on the anniversary of her mother's death…she wouldn't start because she didn't think she could stop if she let herself mourn the loss of the love of her life. She looked at Jax on the bike; he looked so at home there. Briefly, she thought back to the first time she rode one. It was on the day she had first met Jax.

She put it away, saving the memory for another time. She inhaled sharply as she pulled out a familiar blue flannel shirt. It was first thing she had ever bought him, and he quickly declared it his favorite. She pulled it out and spread it on her bed reverently. Slowly, she undid the buttons…No, she couldn't let herself go there. She pulled away from the hypnotizing image of the blue flannel on her white bedspread. She then realized how sweaty and sticky she felt from doing all that moving and decided to take a quick shower.

She emerged feeling somewhat calmer and more relaxed, but paused when she saw that shirt still lying there on the bed. Her mind tricked and teased her with his image lying there, filling the shirt, and she let a single tear fall. Maybe she would let herself go…just this once. She let her towel fall to the floor and pulled the shirt up to her face, inhaling deeply. She knew that the decade spent locked up in a box would cause his scent to be lost, but her heart vividly coached her into remembering his manly smell. Motor oil, sandalwood, soap, and just a slight hint of tobacco; it was delicious and completely Jackson Teller. _Jax…_

She pulled the flannel shirt over her naked body and let herself imagine it was him wrapped around her body, his strong arms holding her tightly. She always loved how close he would get, like they were anchoring each other to the world. She closed her eyes and remembered.

_**Rough calloused hands smoothed up and down her arms, raising goose bumps. He dipped his fingers in the cleft of her womanhood and teased her slowly. Their foreheads were touching and he was looking straight into her eyes, straight into her soul as he pleasured her body.**_

She dipped her fingers down her taught stomach, penetrating the emptiness that she was left with, feeling the wetness of life and lust between her legs. Her other hand _**his hands**__**fondled her breasts, massaging them, bringing her nipples to hardened peaks. He brought his hot mouth over the nipple and suckled hard, causing her to cry out. He rubbed his dick against her pelvis, begging for entry and she widened her legs for him**_ she widened her legs and pumped two fingers rapidly in and out _**in and out he thrusted with a desperate and frantic pace- she was so close,**_ she used her other hand to touch her clitoris _**he used his hand to circle her clit until **_she came _**he came inside her **_and bucked and felt herself spasm around her fingers.

She was coming down after her high. After they made love, he would hold her close and kiss her face, stroke her head, **LOVE** her. Now she was left spent and painfully alone, ashamed at what she had done, at how pathetic she felt. Tears trickled down her face and dripped off her cheeks and neck, the collar of the shirt catching a few strays. She pulled the flannel tight around her body and started sob, wet, heaving pressure pumping through her lungs and chest. She opened her mouth and started wailing because she missed him, because she left him, because he wouldn't leave with her…but mostly because she realized that she was still in love with him and always would be. For the first time in ten years, Tara cried.

A/N: Love it? Hate it? Let me know, feedback motivates me to write. I just wanted to bring up some points. Firstly, I will try to keep everyone in character. Some things may seem OOC, but it's mostly because I want to portray the characters as younger and a little less wise to the world. In my mind Tara is this meticulous doctor and that had to have come from childhood habits. But we also know she had a wild streak from being in the club and that she was even arrested several times. Jax is new to the club and hasn't had the moral issues that he does in the first episode of season 1. This is all the life he knows and he's cocky and flirtatious. Things haven't gotten as bad for him as of yet, so he's still somewhat optimistic. And I love writing Gemma. She's sooooo bipolar batshit crazy, but it all stems from her Mama Bear protective instincts. More to come, stay tuned! Reviews will be rewarded with faster updates! THANKS!


	4. Update 03012011

Thanks again for all of the awesome reviews! They really motivate me, and I really appreciate all of the positive feedback.

ThomasCrown, thanks so much for the enthusiasm; don't worry, I promise the journey will be memorable!

Sla1996, mtkm1998, and kas19, I will definitely try to update every couple of days, if possible. Thanks for following

ivy473, lol, I had a lot of fun writing Gemma and Jax, she really is one of my favorite characters.

Belle and Ang, I really am trying hard to keep things in character and to follow some of the hints of backstory that KS gives us. LOL, I just found out that KS plays Otto! That totally blew my mind. But anyways, I kind of like that they just gave us tidbits because I can be as creative as I want with forming my own mythology. Thanks so much for the review!

RunningWilde, LOL I do love Gemma and her Mama Bear craziness! Thanks for paying such close attention to my story, but actually, Jax was born in 1978 and his dad died in '93, so he would have been fifteen. Believe me, I had to pull my hair out to lay out a timeline, but I've got the tattoos, arrests, marriages, and everything else mapped out. Thanks so much for the support!

Zazzles, thanks so much! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE for the favorite! You really just made my day. I am having so much fun with this story, and stay tuned for the awkward/bittersweet reunion meeting!

Ok, so I have most of First Part II mapped out and I will begin to type out a rough in a bit. I should have something posted for you guys later tonight. Thanks again and keep reviewing! Rewards (smex) will be given!

Love ya,

Vengeance_n_Luv


	5. Chapter 3: The First Part IB

SpiceyGirl, I'm so glad you found that easy to follow. I was trying to overlap her touching herself and then flashes back to her having the real thing with Jax; and then she would be really sad that she can't have the real thing, and then embarrassed because in the end she's by herself…for now…anywho, this was really hard to write and I have so many ideas for the story. Thanks for the wonderful review!

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Chapter 3: The First (Part I continued)

Jax was no stranger to detention, and found himself in familiar circumstances. The teacher, Mr. Rawles, was a pretty easy going guy. He didn't make them do stupid shit like lines or anything, but he didn't take the typical jacking around either. Sentences were served making up homework and reading. Jax never did either, usually spending his time carving out obscenities on the desk with his KA-BAR; but today he was determined to remain quiet. Tara had taken a seat next to him and was studiously scribbling in a very neat print. She was reading at a ridiculously fast rate and taking notes, being careful not to look at him. Jax noticed that she was cautiously avoiding his gaze because he spent the whole time staring at her. She met his eyes only once or twice, and each time he met her cool gray green eyes full on. They locked eyes and Jax felt this instant spark before she quickly looked down, blushing furiously.

Jax wasn't one of those "love at first sight" kind of guys. That shit was for pussies. Girls were for sex, and if he did find that **special someone**, he would make her his old lady. She would understand that the club came first. Jax acted on impulse, but was quite observant. And surprisingly his lack of academics did not mean that he wasn't smart, quite the opposite in fact. He spent his free time devouring books and had a natural tongue for seeing through situations and taking in information. He was thinking of this line from Shakespeare: "Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!/ For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night."

"What?" Tara whispered, and Jax blushed when he realized that he had said it out loud. _Play it cool_, he thought.

"It's Shakespeare. I was saying that you're beautiful," he said, holding his breath. _Why the fuck am I nervous? I don't mean this shit, do I? Naaaahhh, she's just different from the usual croweaters. I just need to tap it and move on. _Jax was trying to rationalize the strange feelings that Tara was igniting, and his ego was battling the instant connection he was feeling for this girl.

"Oh," she said, and that delicious blush crept up her neck again. "Shakespeare, huh? I didn't figure the local biker prince for quoting Romeo and Juliet," she said, and she was staring at him with those startling eyes again. He was secretly pleased that she knew where the quote came from.

Tara didn't know what to make of this boy. What was his deal? She just figured this was the Casanova side of him that she had heard so much about. After he had told him her name, and she took in the enormous tattoo that covered his back, Tara put two and two together and linked Jackson Teller to his larger than life reputation. The word was that he got around quite a bit, and wasn't particularly discriminating as long as you had a big rack and a vagina. She knew how to handle these types. She didn't have a ton of experience with guys and had never had a steady boyfriend, but Tara had seen enough soaps and been around long enough to hold her own. If anything, the Irish in her made her brash, but it was reeled in by her logical mind.

"Did you just say loved me via Shakespeare?" she said sarcastically with a raise of her sharp eyebrows.

"Uhhhhhhhh, n-" stammered Jax. "I-I-I." He definitely didn't expect her to call him out on it. _Shit_, he thought, and he was genuinely tongue tied and left without a quick retort.

"Cause from what I hear, you are quite the Romeo. I just want to let you know upfront that I'm not that kind of girl, and that you won't be getting in my pants, so save your pretty mouth the trouble," she said, with more courage and a little more spite than she thought she was capable of. _Why am I getting so heated? _she thought.

"It's not like that," he quickly said in defense. _Yes it is_, said his mind. Damn, she got on to him pretty quickly and he found himself biting back a smile despite her catty response. "You think my mouth's pretty?"

"Uhhh, well-'' she tried to say no, but her mind was screaming YES! _Yes, I think you're mouth's pretty, and your hair looks disheveled, but I still want to run my fingers through it, and seeing you without your shirt on was just about the most erotic thing to happen ever in my life,_ she thought. But it was her turn to be tongue tied.

"Haha. It's cool; I am pretty, get it from my dad," he said, his blue eyes sparkling in a charming way. "Look, I think we got off to a wrong start here. I don't know anything about you, and you don't know anything about me. So why don't we put off reputations and bad first impressions and start over?"

Tara didn't know how to respond to that, so she did the only thing that she could do, and nodded mutely. She hadn't expected him to be so forthright. Usually guys with charm and bravado used their skills to dodge around the truth and dress things up. He had cut right to the chase and made a logical proposal, so of course she would accept. Secretly, she felt a little embarrassed that she had judged him without knowing who he was as a person. Her mom taught her better than that.

A few minutes later and Mr. Rawles dismissed the class and let them go. "Well, congratulations on your first detention," said Jax, as he got up from his desk and walked her out of the classroom.

"Um, I've got to use the phone and call my dad. I already missed the bus," said Tara, nervously tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Okay, soooo…I'll see you tomorrow. It was really nice meeting you Tara Knowles," he said and walked off in the other direction. Tara smiled in response and went to the office to dial her dad. After about three tries, she gave up. Dad was probably passed out somewhere which meant Tara would have to walk and it was ninety degrees outside.

Tara stepped out into the sweltering heat and it felt like someone had smothered her in a hot, wet, blanket. She sucked in warm air and pulled a water bottle out of her backpack. Forty-five minutes of walking lay ahead of her and she steeled herself for the task, only to falter when she heard that familiar cackle…

"Well, look who it is!" said Natalie. She was sitting in her red hot mustang convertible with the music pumping softly, and a soft rumble was purring in the background. Two cheerleaders, a blonde and a Latina girl, walked towards her car. Natalie must have dropped by to pick them up from practice. _Great_, thought Tara_, just what I need right now_.

"Hahaha, this bitch rides the bus and she's too poor to get a car! Is your dad gonna pick you up, or does his DUI keep him? Oh, this air conditioning feels so good, I'm so glad I don't have to walk in this mess," said Natalie, and her cheerleader friends laughed along with her. Tara simply rolled her eyes as her tongue was too dry for her to make a comeback. She just picked up her pace and kept walking, turning round the corner, already fatigued from the heat. She barely registered that the rumbling was getting louder until she looked up and locked eyes with a now familiar pair of crystal blues.

"Hey," said Jax as he powered off the bike, and Tara took a moment before she responded. She was too transfixed by him sitting on his Harley. His helmet was strapped on and his long limbs were securing him on the bike. His whole posture was at ease, but he exuded this confidence, this…POWER with his arms on the handlebars. Tara fought back the silly image of him dressed in medieval garb. The Harley was a noble, black steed and his black leather cut was replaced with armor. He looked like a warrior, and he took her breath away.

"Do you need a ride?" he said, and his lips (pretty mouth) pulled back into a triumphant smile, revealing even white teeth.

"No, I couldn't trouble-''

"Don't worry about it. It's my fault you had detention in the first place," he said unbuckling his helmet and thrusting it out to her.

"If you're really sure; and if it's no trouble," she said shyly, strapping the helmet onto her head.

"Naaah, no trouble at all. So where's your ride?" he asked.

"Oh, I usually take the bus. It kind of sucks cause I have to be up at 5 every morning, but it beats this heat. My dad's not answering the phone, so I really am sorry to have to trouble you," she said shyly as she climbed up the back of the bike. Jax had to assist her because her legs weren't as long as his and he grabbed her arm, hoisting her up. He carefully pointed out where she should put her feet and then surprised her by grabbing her hands and pulling them around his waist.

She was startled and a little embarrassed by the close proximity, letting her grip slack a little bit so she didn't seem like she was groping. She pressed her lips to the back of his ear to give him directions and he simply nodded his comprehension. Just as she got situated, Natalie pulled around the corner in her convertible and nearly slammed on her breaks as she caught sight of them. Jax had turned on his bike and revved the engine, waving politely at Natalie who just stood there and glared daggers at Tara. The two bimbo cheerleaders in the car were staring also, and Tara allowed a smug smile to find her face.

She, very slowly so as to be obvious, splayed her fingers across Jax's taught chest in very ostentatious gesture. She rubbed her cheek against his back, making contact with the reaper, and smiled in triumph. Mentally she was giving Natalie a big middle finger as they sped off with the wind blowing in her hair. She could almost hear Natalie's jaw click as it dropped in shock.

It was the first time she had ever been on a bike, and she was surprised at the smoothness of the ride. A cool breeze whipped through her hair, refreshing her. Tara lived a good twenty minutes on a normal drive from the school. She felt like she would get there a lot faster as Jax seemed to have trouble acknowledging the speed limits. She thought about Natalie's face and started laughing. **She was having fun.**

Jax had looked at her in his rearview mirror, and when he saw her smile, he felt something tugging in his chest. It complete lit up her face, and it was amazing to see this sliver of brilliant radiance shining through her normally composed exterior . He liked the feeling of her arms wrapped around him and drove a little faster so that she would hold on tighter. He wanted to feel her closer, and thought about how her naked skin would feel against his. Jax smiled. It was a day of many "firsts." Her first detention, the first day of school, and now the first time he had let a girl ride on his bike. He didn't let the croweaters on because they always wore short skirts and little or no panties. He always had to wipe down his seats at the bar because he was afraid that they would dribble pussy juice everywhere. And he just wouldn't do that to the Harley. Wet pussy is meant for the bedroom, and not for his ride. It would be sacrilegious. But Tara was a good girl, so he thought it would be okay. He had to change his train of thought, because thinking of Tara's pussy did things to his body that would be embarrassingly obvious, and he still wanted to make a good new impression.

Too soon for his liking, but just in time to distract him, they arrived at her house. It was a nice neighborhood, but nowhere as upscale as where his home was. The lawn was clean and well manicured. Tara got off the bike and unbuckled the helmet. She seemed almost tense and looked around the driveway. She was hoping that her dad wasn't home so she wouldn't have to explain arriving home on the back of the town biker prince's Harley.

"Thanks for the ride. It was my first time, actually," she said.

"It seems like this day is full of firsts," said Jax. He then decided to test his luck and put on his show of bravado to squash the way his insides were fluttering. "You should get used to having that kind of power between your legs if you're gonna hang with me."

Tara just sniffed, biting back a laugh, as she roughly shoved the helmet back in his hands. Rolling her eyes in a very dramatic way, she thanked him and then quickly turned around and made her way inside. Jax stayed and watched her as she walked away, trying to keep his heart from beating too quickly.

"Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow," he said, talking to no one (_Tara._) He was glad that no one was around to hear him. _Pussy_, he called himself. He turned on his bike and made his way home.

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Dr. Tara Knowles had been in town for a week now and decided that she need groceries, as her list of take out options has grown increasingly slim. She had taken to wearing the flannel shirt to bed at night and pleasured herself to the memory of Jax repeatedly. It's nine in the morning and the first day off she's had since she's been back in Charming. She had a white tank top underneath the blue flannel and threw on some jeans, not bothering to put on something nice. She had more cleaning to do this week, and decided to save a shower for after going through the labor. She quickly cleaned up in the bathroom and tossed on her flip flops, taking the cutlass to the local market. It was another hot day, and the car needed some work on the a/c, so she stripped off the flannel and put it in the backseat.

Tara picked up a light basket and made her way around the local grocery store. Charming didn't believe in franchises, so the grocery store was filled with the typical mom and pop fanfare. She walked over to the produce section and went to select some fresh oranges. She took in their fragrant sent and pressed her lips to the cool skin. It reminded her of Jax, sweet and something all together California.

"Tara Knowles?" said a voice. Tara dropped the orange as she glanced up and met a pair of blue eyes…ones that were very familiar.

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A/N: Ooooo, a cliffie! Thanks for everyone taking the time, and sorry that it took a little longer for this update. I have a lot of ideas that I wanted to squeeze in and it's really hard to organize on paper. So sorry if the story seems a little disjointed at times. Kudos to those of you who picked up the little Easter eggs! I really want there to be echoes of moments that actually happened in the show. Maybe some of the things they say, or the way they act. Charlie and Maggie really do a good job of acting like there's so much history that they don't really get to elaborate on. So I felt the need to fill in the spaces and add to Kurt Sutter's awesome mythology. Regarding staying in character, I hope that you guys aren't put off on some of the crudeness. I feel like Jax grew up in the "life" so he thinks like a 40 year old biker vet, but we know that the club puts brains before guns. I wanted some of John Teller's philosophical nature to rub off on him, so he thinks Shakespeare and screams "FUCK YOU." Tara's narrative is usually more precise and neat. She has the makings of a doctor and would be very organized and intellectual. But we also know that she has a wild streak and isn't afraid to put her foot down. She does stand up to Gemma on a regular basis, after all. Well, thanks for reading, will update soon. Stay tuned!


	6. Chapter 4: Routine

sla1996, thanks for reading,* hands you this chapter for your fix.

kas19, I know, I love the idea of young and naïve Jax almost as I do my scruffy and broody Jax. Thanks for reviewing.

Belle, wow! Your comment really made my day and thanks for pointing out so much! I really put a lot of thought into the psychology of these characters and I'm glad it's showing through. I wanted to develop a real relationship for them, one that was intense and real. They reconciled after ten years! On top of that, they have all this other crap to deal with too, so you know that the foundations of their love had to have been really strong. I'm glad you're catching the little tidbits thrown in, I really want it to seem like this really could have happened and that my situations will support the show and shed some light on different situations. Keep reading, during chapter 1, we see that Gemma noticed that all Jax can talk about is Tara, but we'll start seeing how this developed into "I have to see you every second or I go crazy." And we'll delve into how the break up has left both parties and how they'll work out the situation. Cheers!

Chapter 4: It's All Routine

_"Tara Knowles?" said a voice. Tara dropped the orange as she glanced up and met a pair of blue eyes…ones that were very familiar._

"Donna Gates?" said Tara, her face erupting into a gigantic smile. She took in the dark hair and pale skin. She looked older and a little worn out, but she was still the same girl she had met sophomore year at Charming High.

"Actually, it's Donna Winston now. Me and Opie got married, just after you left in fact," she said, although Tara noticed her eyes started to water when she mentioned Opie's name. "He's gonna come home soon, he's in prison, but he'll be out on parole in a few days." She smiled weakly, realizing that she had just blabbed too much.

"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry," said Tara, and she really was. She had known Opie for a long time and she knew that he was a gentle soul. She was more concerned for Jax; his best friend was locked up, but what of him? Was he in jail? Dead? Tara was too frightened to ponder the possibilities, but too nervous to ask. She was still raw, even ten years later.

Donna seemed to pick up on the unasked question, "Jax and the gang are doing well," she said. "We think his wife's expecting, but no word for sure." Tara dropped her orange and her basket and simply nodded as she ran out the store. She may have said some sort of strained goodbye to Donna, but she was too stung to be sure.

Donna followed her, finally realizing what had upset her. Tara had stopped in the corner of the store and she was breathing heavily, trying to fight back tears. Donna understood. She went up to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, a gesture of friendship and comfort that she hadn't been able to offer in ten years. They had never been more than casual acquaintances, perhaps tentative friends, but everyone in town had known that Tara was Jax's girl. Of course the news would upset her…but Donna didn't get to finish, correct herself, let her know that Wendy was messed up and that Jax still missed Tara; she was ready to explain it all and then a voice interrupted them.

"Donna?" It was **Jax Teller**.

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Jax had picked up Wendy from his house and was going to take her to the supermarket to stock up on "nutritional food." Her meth runs were fueled by Doritos and Red Bull and her cholesterol level was off the charts. She was twitchy and a little too grabby for his liking, but he didn't say anything because he didn't want to upset her and send her on a crank binge. He really did care for Wendy. After Tara had left, he was completely broken. His daily routine had been completely flipped upside down and he was lost. Gemma was furious, cursing Tara to the very depths of Hell while simultaneously throwing throngs of women at him. He fucked his way through half the county and was still completely numb. The women were pathetic at first, trying to coax him into trying something more serious. He was never rude to them, breaking the news to them gently that club life didn't allow him to have the commitment they wanted. He couldn't tell them the truth: that he was completely broken and shattered and that tiny shards of his heart would never be put back together.

All because of Tara God Damned Knowles. He had been thinking about her a lot lately…too much, in fact. Couldn't scrape her image off his eyes, and she invaded his dreams every night, teasing him, making him hope that she would come back. He knew that she was probably married in a nice suburban neighborhood, popping out babies for some banker or something. The thought was too painful, and he couldn't function if he dwelled on it. So Jax did what he normally did. He fucked, drank, and smoked his way into numbness. The club encompassed his whole life, distracting him from the constant ache of Tara's absence. Too often he thought of eating his gun, it was always the unspoken elephant in the room of his mind. But that would be a coward's way out, and Jax Teller was no fucking coward. Besides, the club needed him.

Wendy had helped for a little while. He had come to the conclusion that he was lonely, and that maybe a companion would help him forget. He met her when he was twenty- six. He had established a new routine. Days at the garage, go home to Wendy, fuck her til she was tired, evenings at the club, gun runs, sleep, and then everything over again. Wendy eventually got tired of him being gone so often and it led to them fighting. More often than not, Jax was too exhausted to debate anything, and he spent his nights at the clubhouse. He didn't even notice when she started doing crystal meth, didn't really give a damn. Finally, the arguing had gotten to the point that Jax thought he might kill her for the things she said. So he left and filed for divorce. The bun in the oven was a product of Jax getting too damn drunk one night with no croweaters around, so he went knocking on her door. They had made love fiercely and when he climaxed he called out Tara's name. That wasn't the first time it happened. Wendy was furious and kicked him out. The divorce came when he was twenty nine.

Jax had been strolling along, taking all this information in when a familiar sight stopped him in his tracks. It was the cutlass. **Her cutlass **or so he thought. He walked by peaked in the windows, still not sure that it was hers. It was dusty and a little dirty, but still in the good shape he knew her dad kept it in. But he was still a little uncertain, not having seen the car in ten years…that is until he saw the shirt.

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"A new shirt?" he asked, holding up the crisp blue flannel. It was soft and one of his favorite colors. He had been dating Tara for almost the entire school year now and was curious as to why she would buy him a new shirt. Did she not like his clothes?

"Yeah, I know it's kinda old school, but I got it up in the mountains when I went on vacation. It's what real cowboys wear, or something like that," she said. She went to visit her uncle every now and then at his cabin in Wyoming. She had picked the shirt up as a souvenir and saved it for a special occasion, figuring now would be as good a time as any. "Do you remember how we first met?"

"Yeah, how could I forget, it was the first time you tried to murder me with a pencil," he laughed. "I love it, you know, I don't have stuff with long sleeves-''

"I know, that's why I got it for you. It's getting a little cooler now, and we don't want you to catch cold," she said playfully, wrapping her arms around his lithe frame. He eased up off her bed and wrapped her up in his arms. She loved the way he seemed to envelop her. It was never constricting, even when he was holding her almost painfully tight.

"I love it," he said, pushing their foreheads together so he could look straight into his eyes when he said it. Tara was always amazed at how cool his gaze was and how fast it would turn molten and sear into her soul. "I love you." She wasn't sure who said it first because in a heartbeat he was pressing his mouth against hers, taking a sweet moment to taste her lips before gently probing her with his tongue. She opened her mouth to give him access, gently massaging his tongue with her own. She wanted to swallow his breath, devour his life, and take him in her completely. He would gladly let her devour him, as she already completely consumed him.

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Gemma had noticed the flannel shirt about a week after he got it; because he had worn it six times since then. She had mentioned it to Clay and he had brushed it off citing that he had too much on his hands already with the club. The Mayans had been steadily growing out of control for the past two years, and Clay could feel that things were going to reach a boiling point sometime soon. Clay would have to prove himself as the new president. They had sat down for breakfast, and Jax, per usual was rushing, probably so he could go and see Tara as soon as possible. Gemma was irritated.

"Jax, sweetie, why do you keep wearing that God-awful thing? It's ninety degrees outside," she said. He simply smiled that dreamy smile he'd been wearing lately and Gemma knew, knew that it was Tara. She had snared him somehow, brainwashed him. Ever since that dinner, Gemma had been biding her time, trying to dig up dirt on the angelic little schoolgirl. The dinner had ended on somewhat civil terms, as Jax had hissed at her several times after she tried to goad Tara into a conflict. Clay had just sat through silently, and amused smile on his face. But at that moment, Gemma had been forming a plan: she had to get rid of Tara Knowles.

"You look like one of those wetback Cholo bastards. Maybe you should hook up with the Mayans," grunted Clay as he laughed mirthfully. He slapped a hand on Jax's back and mussed up his hair in an affectionate gesture. Jax had chugged down a glass of milk and kissed Gemma's cheek before bolting out the door. Clay shared a knowing look in Gemma's direction.

"It looks like we may have a problem," said Clay.

"No shit Sherlock."

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara was wrapped up in Donna's arms trying to hold it together as she heard Jax's voice. His _real _voice and not some figment of her imagination. She had seized up as soon as she heard him call Donna's name and quickly hid her face behind the small woman's torso. She locked eyes with her and she seemed to understand the pleading tears that were watering Tara's eyes.

"Give me just a sec, okay Jax," said Donna, carefully concealing Tara with her body. Jax was easily distracted as Wendy chose that moment to grab onto his elbow and start complaining about how her feet were hurting. Tara took this opportunity to slip away and ran towards the door, but not before Jax caught that familiar flash of auburn hair. His suspicions were confirmed. Tara Knowles had returned to Charming. The shards of his heart had realigned themselves, only to crack and break into even smaller pieces. He was ecstatic. He was pissed. So he did the only thing his warring mind could do and ran after her, yanking his elbow from Wendy's grasp.

He ran to where her car was, only to see her speeding away as he tried to chase her down. "TAAARAAA!" he yelled, trying to force her back to him. She didn't stop and eventually he stopped screaming. His mind flashed back to almost a decade ago when they were both nineteen. When she had told him she was leaving with or without him. It was a secret moment locked so deep in his heart that he would never let it come back. Back then it was the same situation: her running and Jax following, but he was just seconds too late as she sped off. It was funny how history tended to repeat itself. He remembered yelling into the air back then too, screaming until he tasted blood and his throat was hoarse. He couldn't talk for days afterwards, and he was glad, because his secret may have been exposed. For, you see, Tara had left Jax giving him the choice of the club or her love, and Jax had chosen. His secret: that **he chose Tara** and would have followed her anywhere.

Well this time she wasn't getting out of Charming so easily. This time he knew exactly where she would be and he would follow her. And they would finally get to say things left unsaid and that had been festering for the last ten years.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara Knowles had dreamed of Jax. She had just met the boy and he was already invading her mind. Her subconscious had put her in distressful situations and Jax had come roaring in on his bike, ready to save the day. She woke up, not remembering her dream, but still feeling satisfied and comforted by his image. She had a delicious ache between her legs that she justified was from her motorcycle ride and not her arousal.

Tara walked to the kitchen and readied breakfast, checking in on her dad, who was sober for once and sleeping in his bed. She finished breakfast and showered, following her normal routine. She left her dad a quick note on his wrapped up plate of bacon and eggs and made her way to the bus stop. Only she didn't make it that far. Jax Teller was parked outside her driveway, waiting for her on the Harley.

"Jax? What are you doing here?" she asked her voice still thick with fatigue.

"Well you seemed to enjoy riding me so much I thought I'd take you to school."

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

A/N: So this one is a little short, but we got the plot moving a little bit. Things will start to get a little less linear from here on out as I want to be able to chronicle pivotal points in the relationship. Doing everything in the chronological order would be too much of a burden. These kids have history! I'm working on getting you an update ASAP and will continue to cover the basics. I want to slowly reveal the back-story. I feel like Tara left Jax and he is heartbroken, but Tara stayed away for so long because she was really hurt too. And the pilot episode's interaction between the two was interesting. They weren't buddy buddy or too close, but things were civil between them. I want to find a way to add a little bit of my own take on what may have happened. I have a few more chapters planned for this, so stay tuned. Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 5: Ride

Running-Wild22 , Sla1996, Kas19, Jaxolelady, Ang- thanks so much for sticking with the story. You have no idea how good it makes me feel to have your feedback. I know I've been a tease, but I think you'd better scroll down and start reading ;)

ThomasCrown-you have been there from the beginning and I must say THANK YOU SO MUCH! I would totally give you every spoiler imaginable and hand you the titles, but the truth is I haven't written anything out yet. I mean I have an outline with events that I need to cover that I feel are essential EG Tara getting a tattoo, the breakup, etc. but other than that I've been winging it. That's the only way I can finish writing anything. I just sort of jump on the computer and start typing. Then I wait an hour, watch tv, and go back and edit. I promise to keep the updates coming though and I am building up all these moments to have an epic conclusion. 3 you!

Belle, you just killed me! LOL, I do the exact same thing with my reviews! I must say that I really appreciate how in depth and detailed your comments are. I feel like you're my SOA psychic twin! I feel the exact same way, and I'm so elated that you're picking up on the depth behind the story. My favorite part of writing has been building up the mythology. The show gives us five minutes of Tara and Jax and in that short time we get so much emotion that we know something deeper must be going on. I've said it before, these two have history and I'm the historian until KS gives us flashback scenes.

Zazzles, YAY for email alerts! And yes, the connection will get more connected in a lil bit*hehehe

Well kids, you've asked for it-here's your reward! Hopefully, it will kick your weekend off to a good start!

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

"_Well you seemed to enjoy riding me so much I thought I'd take you to school."_

Chapter 5: Ride

"Excuse me?" said Tara. It was still too dark for Jax to notice the way her eyebrows were reaching for her hairline.

"Relax babe, I'm just kidding. But I really did think you could use a ride to school," said Jax, and he was really glad it was too dark for her to notice that he was blushing.

"What-what? Okay…it's really early though…did you really wake up just to come give me a ride?" said Tara. She was still a little groggy and the randomness of the moment left her feeling like she was still dreaming. It was surreal to say the least.

"Nah, I was just in the neighborhood and thought that you might like a ride…" Jax was starting to think that this was a bad idea. Actually, he had not woken up early…technically he hadn't slept yet. He had lain in bed, frozen and staring at the ceiling whilst his mind replayed their interactions over and over again. Around three in the morning he had showered and played around with his hair, combing it this way and that, before mussing it up and letting it dry in the same carefree style. He had ciphered through his wardrobe several times, consciously trying to find a shirt that would show of his body, but not make him look like a tool bag. It was ridiculous. He never did this kind of shit. He was acting like a teenage girl going on her first date. He didn't really care though, and brushed it off with the normal Jax Teller ease. He just had to see her again and figure things out, find out what she had done to make him feel this way. Maybe if he fucked her it would go away.

"Come on, it's gotta be better than riding the damn bus," he said, and he hated how it _almost_ sounded like he was begging. There is an awkward pause and staleness in the air as he waits for her response, and he has to stop himself from jumping in victory when she walks towards him and pulls on the helmet. He loves the way her arms feel wrapped around his chest.

"Oh, and good morning," she says, her voice vibrating the back of his ear. He feels his dick twitch a bit and he knows she can feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. _Little minx_, he thinks, and feels like Tara may have more of a naughty side to her than she lets on.

This sets up a routine for them for the rest of the week, Jax picking her up and dropping her off at school. By Jax's standards, they are taking things incredibly slow, but he's not put off at all. He's never worked for more than an hour to get pussy, so after a few days, he begins to think this may be something more. But it was on the fifth day of detention that he realized that they were MORE than just friends…they were connected.

Tara was scribbling away in that neat scrawl, taking down notes with her browed furrowed up in concentration. Jax was doodling on his arm, lines twisting into abstract branches. His forehead was crinkled in deep thought. She enjoyed that they could spend time together and not have to **say **anything. Just his presence was enough to satisfy her and there were never any awkward silences.

"What are you drawing?" whispered Tara through the side of his mouth. She noticed that he had drafted branches and scribbles, but it was the distinct "RIP" that stood out to her.

"I'm thinking of getting a new tat…for my old man," he said, and his eyes grew incredibly sad. Tara's heart ached for him. He didn't say anything else, and the pained look in his eyes told her he wasn't ready to go into details. Rumors of a motorcycle accident drifted mutely in her mind, but didn't want to pry.

"My mom died too. I was nine. It still hurts me too," she said, her eyes watering slightly. He looked up into her eyes like he was seeing her for the first time. Again that electricity crackled between them, this time it was softer, but no less potent. Understanding passed between the two. Jax nodded his head slightly and Tara smiled that soft smile that she reserved only for him.

"Can I ask you to do something with me?" he asked, his eyes suddenly going bright and shiny.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Jax waited a few minutes after shouting for Tara. A few townies glanced at him nervously, but after realizing who he was, ignored him completely. He watched the car disappear and just waited. It could have been hours; it could have been minutes. He couldn't believe she was back in town. It was like someone had zapped him with a cattle prod-**no**- it was more like Jesus resurrecting Lazarus from the dead. He was alive again and he didn't know how to cope with the time that had passed or how he was going to carry on. Eventually he made his way back into the grocery store. Wendy didn't say anything and simply glared at him with her severe eyebrows. Her mouth was pulled into a wrinkly frown like she wanted to say something, but thankfully she held her tongue.

They stocked up on groceries, Jax operating on autopilot the whole time. He was going through a tsunami of emotions that crashed and broke down upon his body. He was furious that she left him behind, AGAIN! He was elated that she was back in town. His dick throbbed with the memory of being inside her.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when he arrived at his (Wendy's) house. He didn't even remember hailing the cab or loading the groceries, but apparently he had done both. Wendy stomped in the house with a click clack of her inappropriate hoochie heels. Jax stocked up the cupboards and stored the perishables in the fridge. She still hadn't said a word to him and she just stood there waiting. He simply picked up his keys and walked out to his bike in the driveway.

"So we have a check up in a week… I'll call you," he said, not bothering to apologize or make up any excuses. Wendy was seething.

"So that's the _Tara _huh?" she said, nostrils flaring, "What's the big fucking deal?"

"Wendy, don't go there okay, it's complicated," he said. He wanted to explain more, tell her that this woman was his life and that he'd been dead the whole ten years that she was gone. Tell Wendy that he was sorry that he used her and that she was just a poor substitute. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"FUCK YOU," she said, and what she really meant was _you broke my heart_. Jax simply nodded and drove off on his bike. Wendy went to find a spoon.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara sped all the way home, but thankfully had avoided all the cops. She didn't think she could handle that kind of distraction right now. Her nerves were rattled and her breath was coming out in shaky gasps. She was on the verge of tears again, replaying his husky voice over and over in her head. She didn't really get a good look at him as she ran out of the store, but she could tell that he was still beautiful. That somehow made it much harder. The fact that he was still in town shouldn't have surprised her given their history, however, seeing him there was unexpected. It opened up old wounds that she didn't have the strength to heal right now.

The Kohn situation had left her emotionally devoid and terrified. It seemed she had grown jumpier and more fragile after he'd traumatized her. That, coupled with seeing Jax again, had left her nerves on shaky grounds. Only her training as a surgeon allowed her to push the pressure away and function normally. When she got home, she settled down on the couch with a glass of red wine, breathing in the heady scent to soothe her screaming nerves. She walked over to the small bath and ran hot water, adding a comforting lavender soap to bubble up the tub.

She had finished her second glass and poured herself a third, sinking down in the small ivory tub. The temperature was almost hot enough to scald and she simply melted in the warmth. Slowly, she felt muscles loosen and the water eased some of the tension away. She kept sinking further and further down until she was fully submerged. She opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling with water filled eyes.

Only then did she allow herself to think about _him_. He was married. The pain rolled through her stomach again, her heart crying in agony. Of course he would be married. She was probably one of those filthy croweater whores, and she had the honor of carrying his baby. For the millionth time, Tara wished she had stayed. She wished she didn't always have to run away, that she was braver and stronger. Her womb ached when she thought of the girl…Wendy, was her name. _It should have been my baby_, thought Tara.

She quickly sat up in the tub, splashing water over the edge. The fact that he had slept with another woman wasn't really what had hurt her. He was an attractive man after all. It was the fact that he had made a commitment and created a bond with another woman. Created life. He had always told her that she was the only one. She remembered his declarations of love and the way he would confirm it with his body. She slowly slipped her hand between her legs and started rubbing. _**He's moved on with someone else**_. She was trying to make herself forget this headache that was forming. _**He's having a baby with someone else.**_ A hammer started pounding away in her temples. _**He doesn't love you anymore.**_ Pounding, POUNDing, POUNDING-someone was pounding on the door!

Tara quickly hopped out of the bath, splashing water carelessly, and pulled on her warm terry cloth robe. She ran to the door, cell phone in hand as a precaution. She knew to be careful, in the very odd case that it was Kohn-related. Slowly, she opened the door, peering through the crack.

It was Jax, and he pushed his way through.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

The last thing Tara expected Jax to do was take her to a tattoo parlor. Right after their last detention, he had come up with this spur of the moment idea and wanted "moral support" or so he said. They hopped on his bike and made their way up to JERRY'S CHARMING INK. It was in a little bit of a rundown part of town and Tara felt a little out of place in her khakis and cardigan sweater.

"Really, you can't be serious?" said Tara. "You're underage, you have to have a parent with you."

"Not if you're connected," said Jax as he wiggled his blonde eyebrows. He pulled out a wad of cash dramatically and held open the door for Tara to enter the dark shop. There was a tall, olive skinned man sitting behind the counters of the gypsy looking store. The walls were plastered with different prints and paintings, all models demonstrating this man's talent. His arms were covered in sleeve tattoos with elaborate works of art. "Jerry, this is my girl Tara; Tara this is Jerry, he's the owner," said Jax.

Tara smiled politely and blushed a little at what the implications of being Jax's "girl" meant. Jax slipped Jerry a sizeable wad of cash and leaned in conspiratorially towards Jerry.

"I need a new piece done, and I don't have time for paperwork," he whispered dramatically. Jerry simply nodded and walked them back. Tara stood to the side while they talked about the design and meaning. She watched as Jerry tenaciously listened to what Jax was saying and moved his pencil back on forth on his notepad, adding lines as Jax spoke. Finally, he held up his pad and Jax's eyes lit up in delight. "It's perfect," he said.

It was a lament for his late father, something that he'd been wanting to do for a long time. She watched as Jerry soaped up his arm to remove the ink from the ballpoint and prepped his skin. He loaded the ink and put Jax's arm in position. He started moving his hand in quick, swishing gestures as he laid out the diagrammatics, the needle buzzing against Jax's pale skin. Jax kept his eyes locked on Tara's and she didn't even realize they were holding hands until he was squeezing it. His brow had wrinkled up in pain as Jerry went over the sensitive bones where his wrist met his forearm. Acting on instinct, Tara leaned forward and pressed a chaste kiss on his brow. Jax stopped breathing. Tara stopped breathing. _I can't believe I just did that_, she thought. She was mortified and tried to pull her hand away, but he held fast. His fingers locked around hers and his face lit up into the most brilliant smile she had ever seen, revealing dimples and creases that she hadn't seen before. He was gorgeous.

She avoided his gaze after a long moment that should have been uncomfortable. Her eyes moved to Jerry as he masterfully began building a memorial on Jax's arm. It was a tree in a night setting, it's roots twisting down into his father's gravestone, the branches reaching ambitiously towards the heavens. Jerry started darkening the lines, still working on the haunting design.

They had made small talk after the chaste kiss, still not taking their eyes from each other and still holding hands. Tara's eyes eventually went to the logo on the back of his cut. Fingering the lettering , SONS OF ANARCHY, she asked him a question that he would dread to answer.

"So, tell me about the SONS," she said.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Jax had not gone straight to Tara's house from Wendy's. This was not because he was being rational or thinking things through. He had simply needed to numb the pain and had stopped by the clubhouse, lifting a bottle of Jack Daniels from the bar. ** Then** he drove to Tara's.

The old man's house was exactly as he had remembered it. After Tara had left Charming, he must have driven past a thousand times, reliving moments from their youth. Sure it was a little more worn down, and the grass was a little longer, but the ghosts were as fresh and present even after a decade. Popping open the bottle, Jax sat on his bike watching from across the street. His mind started racing faster and faster. After five or so swigs of the liquor, his darker thoughts started emerging.

He thought about kicking in the door and shooting her in the chest for leaving him in the first place. Then he would turn the gun on himself for hurting her-something he promised he would never do. He would throw her down on the floor and fuck her til she fainted. He would make slow, sweet love to her and then blow his brains out so that nothing could hurt him again. He would talk, explain to her, yell at her, and convince her that leaving was the biggest mistake of her life. She belonged here, she belonged with him!

He ran through all these different scenarios in his mind, hating himself for the darkness there, and wishing he had the guts to go through with half of them. As he drained the bottle, the night wore on. Twilight had left it's dusky orange and purples in the heavens. He still just sat there and watched the house, his inhibitions disappearing with each sip of Jack. Finally, he resolved that he would just talk with her. He just wanted to let her know how he felt. He wanted to know what was going on with her: if she was married, had any kids, just find out about her life in the last ten years. **If she had married he would kill her on sight**-_no_, he would never do that. Still, he pulled his gun out of the holster and slipped it under some bushes. Once he was weapons free, he started ambling down her driveway and knocked lightly on the door. She didn't answer. He knew she was home. He started pounding, harder and harder, until his fists started hurting. Finally she peeked through the door, and Jax had to get inside.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara didn't know what to think. Jax had just burst in right when she had been thinking about him in the most intimate way. She was still wet from the thought, and not from the water. She took him in with her eyes, noting the way he had filled out over the years. He was firmer, thicker, a _man_ now. His hair was slightly longer, but still as unruly as ever. Her eyes drank in the bold curve of his chin and his pink lips, his strong nose and the stubble on his cheeks. He was still devastatingly beautiful. She stopped at his eyes. She couldn't look at his eyes…not yet.

"Jackson, it's good to see you. Wh-what brings you here?" she said very formally. Her voice was strained and her cheeks were red from the wine and the bath.

Jackson simply stared at her with his watery eyes. He had had way too much to drink and he was painfully aware of his growing erection as he took in the sight of her. Her auburn hair was dripping wet and sticking to her face in a way that made him want to smooth it away. She was older and she was still perfect. Her dark eyelashes were almost too long, and they delicately framed her burning eyes. He was transfixed by her mouth and the sloping curve of her pink lips. Ivory skin was tainted by a blush that brought back memories of their shy exploration of each other. This was a bad idea, him coming here. He didn't know what he would do or what he was capable of.

"I'mmmm, I'm reeeaaally drunk right now," was all he could say. He wanted to yell at her and kiss her, but that was all he could get out as he stumbled on his feet.

"Yeah, I can see that. What are you doing Jax?" she said more intimately, this time locking eyes with him. She was weary and dreading how this would play out.

"I just wanted to see you," he said meekly. "I needed to-"

"This is a bad idea," said Tara, cutting him off, "you need to get home." She walked over to the door and was going to let him out, her hand resting on the knob. "To your wife."

Jax closed in behind her, stumbling as he rushed over. Before she could open the door, he pressed his hand over hers. She was still facing away from him as she froze up from his intimate proximity. Sparks passed from where their hands were touching. He breathed in the intoxicating scent of her wet hair and unconsciously rubbed his hard member against her backside. "Tara," he all but moaned.

Something snapped inside her just then, and instead of throwing him out the door, she turned the lock in place. She spun around quickly, trapped in between the door and Jax's arms. She locked eyes with him once more and his piercing gaze burned through her body. He had watched her gesture with the lock and took in the implications of what it meant. He gulped in an almost comic way.

Suddenly her lips were crashing down on his, and he was meeting her back fiercely in a flurry of tongue, and lips, and teeth. Primal urges coursed through Jax's body as he tugged at her soft robe, pulling her completely naked in a matter of seconds. Tara made short work of his clothing, ripping off his cut and throwing the dark leather across the room, almost in a disgusted manner. She tore through his shirt, exposing bare skin as she raked her lips across his chest, buttons flying in the air.

Jax hissed as her teeth grazed his nipple in a not too gentle manner. He was shocked by her aggression, but he too needed to release his rage, his pain. He pushed her back and hoisted her off the ground, pinning her to the wall. She automatically wrapped her legs around his waist, moaning as he suckled on her breast. His penis was hard and bulging against the denim of his jeans, gently brushing against her intimate parts. He swirled his tongue around her nipple before licking a stripe across her chest and repeating the motion on the opposite side.

One firm arm held her in place as the other fumbled with his belt buckle. After a frustrating amount of seconds, he finally sprang free and rubbed his dick against her opening. She was wet, and hot, and slick, and she was _grinding_ against him in desperation. He drove in with an almost brutal force and immediately started pounding way, vindicated by her throaty grunts and moans. He wanted to punish her for leaving him, for leaving without him. He wanted to fuck her til she cried, until she forgot everything except for him, and remembered that she loved him.

Tara was waging her own battle for dominance. She was writhing at the agonizing force of his penis. He was hitting her in just the right spot, pelvis to pelvis, creating a delicious ache that was completely different than the one she had in her heart. She pulled at his hair and bit at his throat. She was pissed that he was married, pissed that he was having a kid. She raked her nails down his back, trailing little droplets of blood, punishing him for not leaving with her. For choosing the fucking club over something as amazing as this. He hissed in pain or maybe pleasure and she licked her tongue inside of his mouth, swallowing his breath. She opened her legs wider and he grunted as he pushed _deeper_. She clamped down as felt him driving in, causing his legs to buckle. He knew what she was doing, fighting for control.

So he played dirty and used his thumb and forefinger to pinch her clit, almost too hard. She cried out and she started to spasm around him, her pussy throbbing and enveloping him as she rocketed through her orgasm. It was too much for Jax. That familiar pressure started tingling at his spine and pulling through his abdomen, and when she came, she started milking him. The force was too great and roared through his orgasm, pumping into her violently as he spilled his seed.

As they both rode out their climaxes, Jax slowly let them sink to the floor, still locked together. He wrapped his arms around Tara's back, holding her close to him. She held his face in her chest and gently rocked him back and forth. Both of them had tears streaming from their eyes, still no words were exchanged, and they just rocked, softly back and forth.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

A/N: Loved it, hated it? Let me know. I always felt that the way they acted in S1 was too awkward and cordial for them to be like "Hey, I'm back after ten years, let's be polite and awkward." They gave me the "we had sex and I don't know how to deal with it" vibe, so that's what I'm playing on. So there was sex in this chapter, but I wanted it to be more than just copulating. It is very much an aggressive manifestation of them being completely and obsessively in love and being without it for ten years. There's way too much hurt for them to just talk it out, so they reconciled it in a much less constructive (but still really yummy) way. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 6: Time Heals Nothing

**A/N: Sorry that it's been awhile since my last update. The personal life was down the crapper for a few days there, but things are finally looking up and I'm feeling better. Thanks to everyone who took the time to review. *On a side note, Jax's inner monologue about killing Tara/himself was supposed to be humorous, so don't feel bad those of you who picked up on it. Violence is very scary and he was in a very dark place, but his inner conflict was meant to amuse you. He is a very complicated creature, our Jax. To my regular reviewers: Your kind words have encouraged me to continue and see this story through to the end. And there is quite a lot of ground to cover. I'm going to start bringing in more characters and putting our lovely couple in some tight situations. Sorry, but it must be done; and I will be going into the big blow out and the day the Tara left. There's a lot more going on in the background. I have everything vaguely mapped out in my mind, but my muse will leave me if I over think things. Also, I need to re-watch SOA; my mind has been forgetting names and I really want to stick to canon. Regular updates to continue, but I don't know if I'll be able to do them everyday like I was. You can check me out on my LJ account (vengeance n luv, google it, and add me!)for updates and insight. Love ya, and thanks for reading! Enjoy!**

**-Vengeance**

**Chapter 6: Time Heals Nothing**

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

He was climbing a balcony, the bottom of the ornate deck looming above him. Ivy vines crept up the side of the impenetrable wall, and thorns were cutting into his palms. Shallow sketched cuts that stung and bled crimson on his hands, and still, he wouldn't stop climbing. He knew that his prize (_Fair Juliet)_ was on the top. How fucking far did he have to climb? It could have been hours, days, minutes. He didn't know, didn't care. Palms sweaty, bloody, back aching, muscles screaming-any other man would have given up a long time ago, but this was Jax, and he would never give her up.

Finally, after an excruciating effort to hoist himself over the railing, he had reached the top. _Wasn't there something I was supposed to say,_ he thought. _It is the east and Tara is the SON._ Echoes…and pain. He stepped cautiously through the entrance into her room, white sheers billowing around him. Pushing the curtains aside, he poked his head in, taken back by the staleness and lack of sound in the room. There she was. His heart, his everything.

Tara was lying on an altar, all pale skin and ruby lips. Jax was too transfixed by her beauty to notice the reapers etched into the side of the stone slab. She looked like she was sleeping, so peaceful. Her brow was smooth and free from the worry wrinkle that usually crept up from between her eyebrows. Jax did what the prince was supposed to do in the story and pressed his lips onto hers. She was freezing cold. Glacial water ran through his veins and his whole body froze up-Tara was dead…

Just then a crow had perched himself on Tara's shoulder _(corpse). _It stared up at him with glassy black eyes that reminded him of his mother's. And in a quick, percussive movement, it started pecking at the corner of her eyes and her pretty pink _(rose petal)_ lips. Enraged, Jax shooed at the bird, yelling and screaming in hopes to startle it away. But the crow was persistent. It squawked at him, as if admonishing or placating him. Jax struck his arm out with lightning fast reflexes, snatching the disgusting bird's neck, and he squeezed, and **squeezed **the life out of the bird. As the creature's blood ran down his hands, intermingling with his own, Jax began to cry. He looked down, eyes following the trail of blood and he noticed that it had pooled onto the floor into a specific pattern. An "A" with a circle around it. "A" for Anarchy.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*

He had told her the truth, or part of it anyways. She had asked about the SONS, and Jax had averted his eyes. Tara was naïve in some respect, but she wasn't stupid. She knew that he had told her what she thought she could handle, but he was hiding a great burden behind those blue eyes. Rumors of crime and gun running had echoed in her thoughts, but were quickly squashed down. It was simply too heinous for her fifteen year old mind to comprehend. The fact was that she liked Jax. **Really liked him**. It hit her hard after the tattoo shop, when she caught him staring at her like she was the most amazing thing in the world. The little brushes of his fingertips, or the way he would sometimes hold her hands to his mouth and place a feather soft kiss on her knuckles. These things told her that there was someone gently inside, the real Jax.

She was confused. At first it seemed like his intentions were purely sexual, but he gradually stopped eyeing her like a piece of meat and suddenly his predatory gaze turned into something like awe. It made her feel powerful-to know that she had that kind of effect on him. She couldn't let on how much she liked him back, of course. Tara was always cautious, gathering information in order to make the most logical assessment. But Jackson Teller was an enigma. He could be dangerous and hard, but then there were moments when he would talk about his dad, or Opie, and she was able to see that there was more to him than what she originally thought.

She wants to tell him that she loves him, that she can't stop thinking about him, even though they've only known each other for a month. They haven't even really _kissed_ yet. With each moment of contact, she wants to scream and squeak, and smile so hard that her face would split. But she doesn't, because she can't let him know. So instead she looks away, trapping those feelings inside. Sometimes it slips and the corners of her mouth start turning into something like a smile. **She wonders if he feels the same, and sometimes when she catches him staring, she knows he does.**

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

A for anarchy. Jax woke with a start to find himself tangled in a mess of sheets. He was stark naked and it took a moment for him to stop the room from swirling. Shit. This was a pretty bad hangover, and his skin was drenched in sweat from his nightmare. He vaguely recalled what happened, but there was a certain foreboding surrounding his Tara. Tara…the bed was empty and he wrapped her linen sheets around his waist as he called her name.

"Tara," he said gently, poking from room to room in the old and familiar house. There were boxes everywhere. It was like her whole life in Charming had been trapped away and hidden. Maybe if he could open everything up, Tara could come back, be free. No. He was foolish to think that they could just resume things. Slowly, he ambled his way back into the bedroom where he found his clothes and his cut, neatly folded on the adjoining bathroom counter. No note, no nothing. Tara had done what she did best and ran.

To say that Jax was pissed would be the understatement of the century. No words had been exchanged between them. After their painfully intense romp in the hallway, Jax could vaguely recall lifting them up and taking her to the bedroom. He fell into a drunken slumber shortly after she did, but he made sure she fell asleep first. Maybe she _was_ married or seeing somebody…maybe things were bad and her session with him was a guilt ridden pity fuck. He couldn't deny that there was still something between them, but it was darker and different from the way things were when they were kids. Even after a fight, they had never been that desperate with each other. He'd had plenty of nights with Tara that were wild and left his dick aching worse than it was this morning. This was foreign, and he wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. He didn't know, but he would get to the bottom of things.

He was startled by a sharp rapping on the door, and went to answer, draping the sheets around his body in an impromptu toga. Jax was anything but shy. He whipped the door open to a shocked woman dressed in a dull green uniform. He remembered her name, Jane something or rather, and she blushed a bright crimson when she saw him. All girls in Charming knew Jax

"Ummm, delivery for Tara Knowles," she said nervously. That was when Jax took in the expensive looking flower arrangement she was holding. There were exotic flowers surrounding pink roses in an elegant vase. He signed for the flowers and slammed the door in the poor girls face, practically hissing he was so pissed.

Jax set the flowers down on the coffee table and plopped down on the couch, just staring. _So there was someone in her life_, he thought. Jax quickly got dressed, not sure of what his next move would be. Could they just pick up where they left off? And who the fuck was sending her flowers? He knows that there isn't another man living in the house, that's one thing for sure. Maybe she left him behind like she did Jax. Jax felt a small smidge of pity for the broken hearted fellow left in Chicago; that is before he realized he was competition, and just got more pissed off. Before he walked out the door, he stopped and looked back at the vase, picking it up as he stomped out into the driveway. The sunlight was blinding and sent an ache through his already pounding head. He hopped onto his bike and revved the engine, the vase tucked under his arm. He waited for his girl to warm up, and that was when he finally worked up enough nerve to open up the card.

The little white card was written in a neat and elegant script_, For my love, I forgive you. J.K. _Who the fuck was J.K? Jax sped down the street after dunking the card into the vase's water. It was childish and petty, but Jax didn't give a fuck. He wasn't going to play fair with Tara. After he reached a satisfactory breakneck speed, Jax hurled the vase, craning his neck, and slowing to a stop to watch the glass shatter on the pavement. He turned off his bike. The flowers splattered on the pavement, lifeless splashes of color on the grey concrete. He stood there numb and silent, staring so long that the sun started to dry out the roses. They were pink like Tara's lips. Suddenly a crow cawed and swooped down from a nearby tree, picking at the dark pink petals. Jax felt a sense of panic rising in his throat. As the bird pecked and swallowed the decapitated flower, Jax fell to his knees and heaved out all the contents of his stomach.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*

Tara had left him. She had woken up earlier than him, and was so stung by the image of him lying in her bed looking so peaceful. The golden sunlight lit up his skin, his eyelashes and blonde hair burning, and Jax just… glowed. She had meant to stay until he woke up. They had to talk it out. That dull ache between her legs had left her satisfied in one way, but there was still a giant black hole filled with all the things that they hadn't said. She wanted to tell him about Kohn, how she still thought of him. After almost 11 years apart, things were still the way she left them. Broken.

He was a married man, with a baby on the way and he didn't belong to her anymore. She walked around the living room, picking up articles of his clothing, gently folding them up. Then she found his cut. The black leather with the ominous reaper, a symbol of everything that tore them apart and still stood between them. She fingered the thin ribbon that read "Men of Mayhem." It told her why this would never work-why they couldn't work things out. Jax had blood on his hands, and she couldn't help him wash them clean. Not anymore.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*

**More AN: Love it/Hate it? Don't worry. I'll patch things up with them pretty soon. But things will still be awkward and not buddy buddy. Don't forget how estranged they are in the pilot episode. But we can rely on Jax's brash sense of humor and Tara's sarcasm to smooth things over! I really feel like Kohn is an amazing character, and I'm a little sad that they killed him off so early. It was an awesome moment on television, but he created so much conflict and brought out protective Jax, rawr! So I thought that I would somehow incorporate him into my story. I feel like he would have been trying to reach Tara for awhile and he thinks she is ignoring him, forcing him to come to Charming. Unbeknownst to all, Jax has been intercepting all of his creepy stalker gifts and trashing them. So when Kohn does come to Charming, it's a shocker to Tara. And Jax has no idea that he perpetuated this situation. He thinks he's an old flame trying to steal his Tara away, so he's all jealous and shit. It made me laugh anyways! Hit the review button, love ya! Teaser for next Chappy-****Tara** goes to Homecoming with David Hale! For reals!


	9. Chapter 7: Festering Inside

**Okay, so I'm planning a few more chapters before this thing reaches conclusion. Then I want to work on a couple of other projects. I want to do a couple of one shots on the many disguises of Happy. One of my fav SOA moments is when he takes out one of the Mayans and he's dressed as a burrito? Vendor. LMAO! I feel like I could flesh out a few other members of Samcro. I wanted to add these anecdotes in as fillers to this story, but I don't want it to distract. What do you guys think? I also have a new multi chapter fic idea for 007…yeah that's right, James Bond, baby! This is only because I recently watched Casino Royale, and Daniel Craig ignited my panties. Please R&R! Thanks so much for all the support and love! **

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

**Chapter 7: Festering Inside**

Tara was going to get shit faced. She had been at Chicago Presbyterian for a little less than a year. Today was the anniversary of her father's death, and she deserved a drink. Reminiscing about him brought about other memories of her childhood and that path eventually led up to her paralyzing memories of Jax. She didn't directly think of him, as it was nearing a decade since their fucked up and tearful goodbye. She was too proud to dwell too hard on him, embarrassed that she was nearing the third decade of her life and was still broken up over a high school romance. However, Jax had impregnated her every thought, a lurking shadow that lingered in her memories. She wasn't even aware of how deeply rooted he was inside of her. Ignorance was her friend in this case, because if she acknowledged what she had lost, it would cripple her.

The years had passed by with bland indifference. She had success, in some form. She was a reputable doctor, financially well off, and she had her health. On this day of her father's death, she celebrated in her customary way-off to the local Irish pub, and into a glass of Guinness. It was an ode to her father, the well intentioned drunk, and really the only vice that she would allow herself in a life built on rules and conformity.

She's a little buzzed, and just a little more flirty than normal when he sits in the empty stool beside her. He buys her a drink, and she smiles. He's older, with salt and pepper hair, close cut and well groomed. His shirt is tucked in and buttoned up, his pants nice creases and pressed lines. She decided not to tell him to fuck off, because she realizes that it has been too long since she's been with anybody. A few months ago she'd started a fling with Dr. Joseph Berry from the oncology unit. He was great in bed, and treated their relationship with the same detached demeanor that all doctors had. It was actually going very well until he invited her for a ride on his bike. It wasn't even a real ride. Joseph preferred those Japanese crotch rocket models that went too fast and buzzed like mosquitoes. Even still, Tara had refused, and soon stopped calling him. He was ever the gentleman about it and they had digressed to the amicable friend phrase. Tara still wondered about what could have been with him, but she had lived a life punctuated with ghosts. She was terrified of them, and would run, run away as she always did.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

She learns that "salt and pepper hair" is named Joshua Kohn. She finds it ironic that the important men in her life have names that start with a "J." Right now, however, she doesn't care, as she'd all but drowned in Guinness at the pub, and Josh's lips are soft and inviting. She'd ask him to her place after he'd showed her his badge. He's ATF, and just the opposite of you know who… he tells her she is beautiful and perfect, and his hands are all over her. She likes the attention that he gives her, even though they've just met. It makes her feel wanted and important, and FUCK she's drank too much. The alcohol clouded his eager hands and possessive mouth, traits that would normally send her running. She was too fogged up to see the desperation in his eyes, the reverent way he stared at her. She needed this. He was clean cut and law abiding and _everything that Jax is not,_ she thought. And perhaps that's what she needs, and what she's been missing.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

She tries to remember her first kiss with Josh, as she's lying in bed that morning. Her head is still waterlogged and she's a little hung-over. Josh is clunking around in her kitchen trying to make her breakfast as she thinks about "THE" first kiss.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Jax had gotten into a fight with another boy. It was over something stupid, and it had left Jax with a little cut on his lip and a few bruised knuckles. Tara had met him over at his house. They hadn't been together long, and she is still trying to configure the true nature of SAMCRO. Jax is sitting on his bed, gloriously recounting the details of the boy's ass whooping, and Tara is on her knees bandaging up his knuckles. She looks up into his clear blue eyes and again at the angry purple bruises on his hands.

"Why are you with me," she interrupts. He swallows hard and looks down at her, wrestling with a lump in his throat. He almost waits too long to answer.

"You're different… and I can't get you out of my head," he says, and he almost whispers it, but Tara hears perfectly because Jax is her whole world right then. "I don't know where we're going with this, but when I'm not with you, I'm thinking about you, about how much I want you. And when we're together I'm thinking about how I can keep you, ya know. I just fucking need you."

Tara is silent as she listens in and she can tell that it took a lot for him to admit this out loud. Her heart is pounding and she realizes that Jax's hands are shaking. He's just as nervous as she is.

"Well…I'm here, aren't I?" she says. And with that she leans up and presses her lips to his. It's perfect, like she's spent her life building a jigsaw puzzle and for months she's been missing a piece. When he kisses her back, she's found it, and he's her perfect fit; she's complete and the picture is clear. The kiss is delicious and primal, tinged with the coppery tang of blood from his lips to hers, a prophetic symbol of a broken love story. Tara will always remember the blood.

At that moment, as two people were falling in love, two black eyes watched on, dark and menacing. Gemma was not happy.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

"Tara, I thought we should have a talk, just us girls," said Gemma. It had been a week since she had witnessed the kiss, and Gemma was now ready to set the plots in motion.

"Sure, Mrs. Morrow," said Tara. She's nervous as hell because she knows that Gemma DOES NOT like her. Sure, she never outright said anything, but Tara was worried by the false sweetness that permeated her voice.

"Now I know that you don't have a mother," said Gemma, in that condescending tone that somehow managed to sound "motherly."

"How did you know that?" asked Tara.

"Well, Jax told me honey. He tells me EVERYTHING," she answered. And it was, in fact, the truth. The fact that he couldn't shut up about Tara was why they were having this conversation now. Gemma had always been close to her firstborn, and she made it a point to know everything and everyone that had affected him. How could she protect him otherwise?

"This is gonna seem kind of crude, but it's me we're talking about, and I don't like to pussy foot around. How far have you gone with Jax?" she asked, and watched as Tara turned a shade of red that would make a beet jealous.

"That's not any of your business, Ma'am," she said politely, eyes staring straight ahead of her in embarrassment. Gemma could read her innocence like a book and she almost felt bad for doing this…almost.

"Aw, I see…so you're a cherry? No, no, no, it's okay sweetcheeks," said Gemma as Tara was about to interject. "It's not a bad thing…it's just…my son. He's got a lot of experience, and I need to make sure that you're gonna know how to handle it."

"Experience?" asked Tara. She had finally met her eyes, and Gemma was a little pleased to see that they were close to tears.

"Yeah, honey, to put it bluntly, Jax is a little slut. But what'd you expect from a boy like him? A little thing catches his eye, and he takes her, uses her. It's just his way, the way of the club. I know you're a nice girl and I don't want to see you hurt."

Gemma had to bite back a smile as her words set in. Tara had started to fidget and Gemma could see the doubt in her eyes. Phase one of the plan had worked.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

David Hale was a senior at Charming High. He was good looking, tanned, and broad shouldered. His father was a prominent judge and had instilled him with good All American values. He played sports and obeyed the town curfew. He had noticed Tara the first day he'd seen her. She was pretty and quiet, a good girl. There weren't too many of those left in town, and she'd caught his eye. She was a good student too, to be stuck in the same anatomy class as him when she was only a sophomore. He had meant to ask her out on the first day of school, but she hurried out of class. He had seen her a few hours later on the back of that Teller boy's bike. It had pissed him off. Jax Teller was a scumbag, and now he was taking one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. It made him sick. Jax was a criminal in the making, cocky and arrogant. He had delivered papers to their house every day. His father had seen fit to make him work despite their financial wealth and standing. It would instill him with a good work ethic and teach him discipline, not that he needed it.

But still, he would catch them every now and then on his rounds. Sometimes they would stop in for a bite to eat for breakfast, or they would be rushing out to get to school. They were all over each other, and David was respectful enough to leave well enough alone. He had only gathered the nerve to do this because Mrs. Morrow had approached him, and she had always been nice.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara was sad and down. She had not expected to feel this way after the kiss. But Gemma's words had made sense. Hadn't he liked her because she was different? Maybe it was just because she wouldn't put out. Every girl in the school was after him, and she knew about his reputation. So it was in that moment of thought that she was interrupted by a good looking upper classman.

"Excuse, Miss Knowles," he said. His voice sounded so official and it took a moment for her to recognize him. It was the QB…star of the Charming High football team with a body to show for it. He was in her anatomy class and a senior…very good looking, actually, and popular.

"David Hale?" she asked, puzzled as to why he was talking to her.

"Yeah, that's me," he said, and his face erupted into a brilliant smile. Tara noticed that his teeth were very white and even, and that there was a little gap between his two front teeth. It was cute. He was behaving very shyly and it threw her off a little bit.

"Ummm, so I know you don't know me very well, and I'll completely understand if-well, that is, I heard that you had broken up- and I know that Jax-I would love to take you out," he said, almost muttering as he struggled to find words.

"What is it!" Tara finally snapped, though her tone was still polite. She was feeling quite irritable.

"WILL YOU GO TO HOMECOMING WITH ME?" he said, almost yelling as the words rushed out. He stood embarrassed, and Tara was flabbergasted…did he just ask her out? He started to walk away dejectedly, when she realized that maybe SHE needed a little more experience.

"HEY WAIT," she yelled, "umm….yes. Yes, I'll go to homecoming with you."

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

She tries to remember her first kiss with Josh, as she's lying in bed that morning. Her head is still waterlogged and she's a little hung-over. Josh is clunking around in her kitchen trying to make her breakfast as she thinks about "THE" first kiss.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

She feels languid and tired as she hears the sizzle of bacon on her pan. Josh…that was his name. That's who she should focus on. Too many ghosts and too much pain. Sure there were good times, but the bad were crippling. She wishes Josh would skip breakfast and screw off. It's mean, but she's not sure she's ready for a new type of commitment. But then she realizes how much dwelling on the past has hurt her, hindered her. Maybe it was time to move on. She looks out her bedroom door and can see Josh moving around in her kitchen. He could be good for her, older, and certainly a gentleman. She wouldn't get her hopes up, but he seemed like a decent man. She smiles gently as he starts whisking a bowl of eggs, gently whistling a tune. She giggles slighty when she realizes it's "Can't Get Used to Losing You" by Andy Williams.

**A/N: Okay, I know I know. There was a lot of ping ponging in this chapter, but I've actually built up a big meta story and I've plotted everything out. I know a lot of you will be a little upset about the other men in Tara's life, but I feel that they're important to her development. I think Kohn is good for Tara at the beginning of the relationship as he offers her stability and good credentials. But that's not what she really wants, shhhh. And I LOVE David Hale, so no bashing. He was a good guy in the series and Tara obviously has a past with him because she seems pretty familiar with him when she tells him about her stalking problem. And I've always felt that he's harbored a puppy crush on her. Anyways, thanks for reading, hit the review button and lemme know what you think! **

*On a side note, thanks to everyone who did take the time to review. It really boosted me up in a time when I was really down.


	10. Chapter 8: Conflict

Chapter 8: CONFLICT

**He's climbed the trellis, hands bloody and battered, and feels that he must have done it a thousand times before; everything is familiar, but he can't quite remember what to do until he's done it. He's over the balcony waiting for her **_(Juliet). _**She's nowhere to be seen, and he looks at the ground where there is a bloody "A" surrounded by a demonic circle. It's dried and dark, a stain on the floor that's almost as permanent as the one on his heart. He finishes the "A" with the blood on his hands, turning it into a pentagram. This is who he really is inside and he thinks that this is what it means to be an Anarchist, at least nowadays. **

** "You're a son," says her voice behind him. And he knows it's her. That familiar voice sends shivers down his spine, raising the hairs on his neck. He turns around, looking back at the entrance of the balcony, and he notices that he's on the inside and she's waiting outside. **_**It's funny how things tend to reverse themselves in a dream**_**, he thinks. All the while he'd been thinking that she was locked away on the inside and that he was going to rescue her**_**. Turns out that I'm the one who is trapped. **_

**He can see her ghostly silhouette behind the sheer curtains. He can make out her shape, the flow of her hair, but he still can't see her face and it worries him. **

**"It is the east, and Tara is the sun," he says, and his voice is thick with worry. He starts to panic when she backs away as he tries to approach her.**

** "No, Jax, you're the SON," she says, and he can hear the tears in her voice. She starts to sob, and Jax resolves that he must go to her. He tears the sheers down and runs to her, but stops at the sight before him.**

** It's Tara and she's perfect, but she's crying blood. Big, red droplets pour down her cheeks, forming angry rivers. That's when Jax notices that her eyes have been pecked out and **_he knows it was a crow that did it _**he starts to sob when he realizes that her gray green orbs are no more. He's hurt her and it's killing him. **

** "Kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief," she says, her voice is monotone, but she smiles her secret smile at him, and holds out her hand. He takes the black feather she's given him, stares at it with great concentration, consigned that this is what he's chosen, and he realizes that he's made a mistake. By the time he wakes from his daze, he realizes that Tara has backed up too close to the edge. He reaches out, but she is falling, falling…and Jax can't reach her. All that's left is a cloud of feathers, black and haunting.**

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Jax is awake and practically sobbing, but he wouldn't cry, because that pussy shit needs to be over and he needs to take care of business. It was weird, that he was still thinking of them as Romeo and Juliet when he hadn't picked up Shakespeare since high school. Perhaps subconsciously he still pictured them as tragic lovers, when in real life it was far less dramatic but exponentially more painful. He was obviously not a part of Tara's life anymore, and he's not completely confident he can get her back…yet. Sure the sex was good, they had always fucked like bunnies, but there was something dark and desperate in last night's lovemaking. He almost wanted to hurt her, and it felt good that he had seen her cry. He felt like she deserved it, and if she was really feeling remorseful, then Jax could find it in himself to forgive her…and then they could be together. He thought about the mysterious "J.K" and wondered if he was Tara's boyfriend. The thought had infuriated him, even though he'd probably taken no less than a hundred lovers since they'd broken up. Oh well, he would take care of that situation after he squared some things up with his home life. He got up from his dingy and slightly ripe smelling room at the club. He had shucked on his cut and took the short ride over to Wendy's house.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Wendy has always had trouble staying clean, and her fragile mental state had been shattered as she realized that "Tara" was back in town. Jax never said anything much about her, had absolutely refused to talk about her when Wendy had begged..._begged_. She was jealous of a ghost. Whispers at the clubhouse and throughout town had made their way, and what she had heard confirmed her fears of being in second place. Too fuckin' bad she didn't get a look at the girl at the supermarket. It would be nice to put a face to "Tara." Wendy had harbored hatred towards the girl when, after a very intense fuck with Jax, he called out a name, and it wasn't "Wendy." It had hurt and she was pissed, but she played it off because Jax was too drunk to realize that he'd said it, and Wendy was just happy to be wrapped underneath him.

It was nice being numb. She didn't have to think. Not about her broken marriage, the illegal shit in the club, Jax getting hurt…and the baby. She didn't want to think about the spark of life growing inside of her, another reminder of how fucked up and inadequate she was. She never fought or believed in anything her entire life. She was a realist, and she couldn't even start to think she would be strong enough. The knock on the door startles her, breaking her from her train of thought. She peeps out the window and sees the object of her affection, the bane of her life…Jax. For once, luck is on her side and she's coming down from her high, making it easier for her to pretend that she's okay. She doesn't want Jax to see her for what she really is, her self-esteem couldn't survive it.

She straightens her hair and tries to hide her shaking hands. There are bags under her eyes and her lips are chapped, but she can pass that off as fatigue from her pregnancy.

"Hey Jax," she says, as she timidly opens the door.

"Hey Wend, sorry to just bust in on you like this-"

"No no no, it's no trouble at all," she says, "come right in, it's your place after all."

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Jax decides to go to Wendy's because, before the drugs and affairs came to light, she was someone he could talk to, maybe not the love of his life, but someone he loved…a friend. He felt that he should do right by her. She looks like shit when she answers the door and he feels somewhat sorry that the pregnancy is doing this to her. They exchange niceties and Jax walks in, taking in the cluttered surroundings. He's not surprised that it's already a shithole and makes a mental note to send his mom in to tidy up a bit.

"I just wanted to talk…" he says awkwardly. The air is thick with the awkwardness as they sit across each other from the couch. It's almost business like, and they're both sad that the relationship has come to this, but neither one is surprised.

"Did something happen with _Tara_?" Wendy asks spitefully, and she starts fidgeting with the wedding ring that isn't supposed to be on her finger. Jax notices it, but doesn't say anything.

"Look. I don't want to talk about Tara, I came here for you," he says. "I know I haven't been treating you the best, but whether we like it or not, we're in this situation. I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

"This baby…" Wendy breathes deeply as she fights back tears, "this baby isn't gonna save us, is it Jax?" She hates how pathetic she sounds.

"I don't think there was ever an 'US' the way it was supposed to be. We have too much shit in our pasts, and I don't want that for the kid. I want things to be different…_better_."

"Why are you saying all this?" says Wendy, "I feel like you're changing." The fact is she's never really known Jax in the way that she wanted to. Every now and then he would come to an epiphany and she would catch a glimpse of the complicated man hidden behind his biker gang façade.

"I do want to change. I guess I just realized that I want more from life. The club is good, it's all I've got, or it used to be. Now I have something more to live for, and I want it to be perfect. Is that too much to ask for?" he almost begs, and Wendy can see the weariness in his eyes. _Something must have happened_, she guesses. And she knows it has to do with fucking Tara Knowles.

"No baby, it's not. I know that I'm fucked up, and I'm sorry. I'm so scared of what kind of mother I'm gonna be. I'm gonna try to be better too…for the baby." And with that, she resolves herself to stop using. Just like that. She knows it's not good for the baby. She'd been able to keep clean for a few months back when she was still with Jax, so she figured she'd be able to do it again. Especially with the way Jax was looking at her right now. He seemed a little bit more relieved when she had told him, and he was starting to smile that perfect smile of his. She could try to be strong for him.

He stayed a little while longer, idly chatting about this thing and that. He knew that to get right with Tara, he'd have to fix all the crazy shit in his life first. Maybe she needed space right now, but Jax wasn't going to let her run away again. Perhaps it was good they hadn't really talked yet because it would buy him time to straighten things out. He finally wraps things up and gets ready to leave. Wendy leans in for a hug, and he obliges. She wasn't a bad person, and maybe once, he'd loved her a little. He breaks things off when her hands start to roam in a less then platonic way, giving her a pat on the little bump of her tummy before he leaves.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Wendy is not sad, as she usually is, when Jax leaves. It seemed that that man would always be walking in and out of her life, leaving her wanting more. She was determined to make him proud this time. She would show him that she could be strong. The gold band on her wedding finger would be a reminder…her eyes were drawn to the thin little veins on her fingers, perfect for hiding tract marks. She tried to shut the thought out and nervously twisted the ring around.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

Tara is nervous at school the next day, fidgeting with her hair and staring at her books. It's English and the last class of the day. While she had been diligently avoiding him in the hallways, there was no way she would escape him in the classroom. By now, word had gone out that the star QB was taking Jax Teller's girl to the dance. Her phone had been ringing off the hook to the point that her dad had finally ripped the thing from the wall for some peace and quiet.

Her stomach plummeted as she heard the angry clatter of books dropping in the desk behind her. Jax was breathing heavily and Tara stole a glance in his direction. Immediately, they locked eyes, and her face reddened. He was pissed and there was a muscle twitching in his jaw. She avoided his gaze for the rest of class.

The bell finally rang and she rushed out of her seat, hoping to somehow avoid the coming confrontation. A hard jerk on her elbow made her books fall from her shaky arms. She bent to pick them up as the other students filed out of the classroom, some of them giving her "you're in trouble" looks.

"So do you want to tell me what the fuck's going on?" hissed Jax.

"What do you mean," said Tara, still not meeting his eyes.

"Fucking look at me!" he said, and he pulled her face up close to his. "What's going on, Tara?"

"Why don't you tell me? Tell me why you're with me," she spat out. "Tell me that I'm not just another notch on your bedpost and that you aren't trying to get into my pants!"

"Tara…" he's thrown off from the outburst, and left speechless, somewhat in part because what she was saying was partially true.

"No Jax, you can't even say it. You and I are two completely different people. We live different lives, and I know you can't tell me everything that's going on in yours. The stupid club, Samcro, I just don't know what to think of you."

And with that Tara left Jax feeling empty and alone, as the truth of her words settled in. It was true that he had only thought of sleeping with her-at first. And it was true that he could never completely expose her to club life…but there was something between them, he just had to find the words to describe it. But fuck that! Jackson Teller didn't go through all this fucking trouble for pussy. If Tara wants to go her own way, then he wasn't going to stop her. He rode his bike, missing stop signs and blazing through the streets until he came to the comforting sight of home. He went inside his house and called out to the one person who always had his back, his mother.

*:(*+:::::::::O::::::::::::++*):*

A/N: I know, I know. I just wanted to get the conflict out of the way and it was better sooner than later. Please don't bash Wendy. She's a needy person with an addiction, and I wanted to segue her out of the story, but set it up for her OD in ep 1. She is a sad person who genuinely loves Jax even in her fuck-upedness. And we all know that Jax isn't done with Tara, not in the past or "present day" of my story. He just hasn't figured it out yet. Let's wave some David and Tara action in his face to inspire his jealousy! Also, I have my LJ and tumblr accounts set up, so stop by for updates or just to say hi. Here's a link for some craptastic cover art!

**.#cutid1**

**.com/**


	11. Chapter 9:  The Nature of the Dance

A/N: So I guess FF doesn't allow links to be posted, WTF! Just do a google search of Vengeance_n_luv if you want to check out my lj or tumblr pages. I plan on posting some of my original work later on. Some of my stories are in print, so contractual obligations prevent me from posting those stories, but I'll put up some of my drabble and concept ideas on fiction press and my lj. Let me know what you guys think. I just realized that I had been spelling "kutte" like "cut." My bad, I just picked this up on Wikipedia whilst doing some research on Happy, LOL. Also joined a fanforum website per the recommendation of norrific. It's a great place to show some J & T love! Read on, my friends, read on.

…

**Chapter 9: The Nature of Dance**

…

Tara stood in front of the floor length mirror, nervously smoothing her hair back in its loose bun. Her gown was a pale pink with sheer material that floated down to her ankles in light, dainty wisps. It was second hand, of course, but it had a certain vintage elegance to it. It was still simple enough to be practical, so it was perfectly suited for Tara. She was a vision. Yet, as perfectly composed as she appeared to be, her insides were squirming, and she felt almost physically ill from the situation with Jax. The pain must have peeked through her normally composed face, because her father felt the need to say something to her.

"It's better this way," he quipped, "I don't know what kind of trouble you'd be in if you were with that boy." Tara could tell by the glassy look in his eyes that he was more than a little drunk. That made the "sentimental" moment even more irritating than it already was.

Luckily, a rapid knock on her door saved her from having to respond. She answered, and was greeted by a very handsome looking David Hale. He was pristine and his face had not yet acquired the weather battered lines of stress that would mar him in adulthood. In his young, prime eighteenth year, David was quite the catch. Tara would be the envy of most of the girls at Charming High. So why did she feel so terrible?

She asked him in and introduced him to her father, trying to keep the formalities as short as possible. His nostrils tensed up as he sniffed the alcohol that was fuming from her father, but he was too much of a gentleman to say anything. They got into his car, a BMW surprisingly, and she noticed he opened the door for her.

…

She tried to trick herself into believing that she'll have a good time tonight, but deep inside she knew better. It's almost easy to get lost in David, as their conversation grew more and more natural. Deep down she knew he was a good guy, and that somehow made her feel guilty that she was using him as a distraction. They'd gotten closer in the past couple of days, as Jax had pointedly been avoiding her. Tara was the envy of the whole school for having landed the resident bad boy and then the star QB. She had never felt more alienated in her whole life.

They talked about a lot of things, their fathers mostly. David was the son of a prominent judge with a pristine reputation in the neighboring jurisdiction. His older brother was a real estate tycoon, and she got the impression that they came from money, even though he still had to run a paper route. _Discipline and order_, he said, grimacing at the poor imitation of his father. Yes, Tara could relate to the paternal issues, and she felt a she had a found a kindred spirit.

…

Before she knew it, they had arrived at Charming High. Principal Skinner was standing at the doors, greeting the students with an imposing glare. She'd been passing Tara plenty of dirty looks as of late, and made no exception tonight. There were rumors of her sternness throughout Charming, but Tara still thought she looked too young to be a principal, and possibly a little uncomfortable dealing with the students. She was tall and athletic, and you could tell she had muscles under that cheap polyester jacket. She had dark, flawless skin, and stern hard eyes. Tara was almost as scared of her as she was of Gemma.

"Mr. Hale, Miss Knowles," she said in her tough, businesslike voice. Tara nodded her head and went inside the gymnasium. Paper mache and balloons had decorated the walls, and the pink and blue lighting cast a moody and pensive ambience in the room. It was tacky and glum, and somewhat surreal, much like she was feeling.

"Would you like some punch?" asked David, trying to break the ice.

"Yeah, sure, that would be nice," she said, zoning in and out as she tried to avoid thinking about _him_. He handed her the glass and his fingers lingered on hers. She doesn't feel that spark, and suddenly realizes how empty she feels without Jax. It's utterly ridiculous and illogical, but that boy is already a part of her. She'd just started to build herself up to accept this fact when she saw said person walk through the gymnasium door…with Natalie Givens.

Tara almost spilledher drink, and was completely deaf to David's attempts to steady her. Her ears were thrumming and she suddenly wanted to rip Natalie's skimpy ho-dress right off of her well-proportioned body. Then she would beat the living shit out of her. Her hands were visibly shaking, this time with rage and she just knew she was going to fuck someone up tonight. David grabbed her hands and finally looked over and _**saw**_ what she saw.

"Ah crap," he muttered, as he tried to calm Tara down. She looked shaken, and it pissed him off that Jax Teller was here, yet again, to mess with him. David almost chuckled to himself at the sight of Jax. He wasn't wearing a Jacket or suit. No, Jax wouldn't conform to the dress code and had arrived wearing black slacks and a white button up. Of course his kutte was on top, and even so "casually" dressed, the females looked him up and down with hungry eyes. Jax was staring…at him. He looked pissed too, and David took in a small amount of satisfaction that he finally had something that Jackson Teller didn't. He started stalking towards them, leaving his scantily clad date pouting and trying to keep up with him.

Tara saw him coming too, with a fierce look of determination on his face, and decided that maybe she wasn't as keen on the idea of fighting as she thought she was.

"Dance with me?" she asked David, in an attempt to shuffle them away from the raging bull that was Jax Teller. She could feel the heat and anger radiating off of him even from across the room. Hale blurted out an affirmation as she tugged on his well-muscled arm. The beat of the music was fast with heavy drums and it made her pulse go faster. She stared at _him_ from over David's shoulder, and caught him looking back.

…

She was doing crazy things to him, and maybe she had always had this effect. When he first saw Tara, she took his breath away. She was the epitome of elegance, and it turned him on. She wasn't with him, and it set off a switch. He could hear Natalie click clacking behind him, and the contrast between her and Tara was laughable. Natalie is hot, no doubt. She was all legs and ass, and her dress was short enough to show them off. She groped on him and let her hands roam over his chest and down his crotch, and surprisingly he stayed soft. She smelled too sweet and over-perfumed. Her makeup left little smudges all over the place, and he just found himself comparing, and he realized one fundamental truth: that **there was no comparison.**

He was really only taking her because his mother had insisted anyways. He had gone to Gemma for some motherly advice, and she had told him:

"Son, you need to forget about that girl. She's no good for you. You need to move on and start acting like a man. You're getting old enough now that the club's gonna want you participating a little bit more. You can't have a girl distract you like that. Find a girl you can fuck around with, and then move on. Nothing serious."

Jax had then decided he'd need something to take Tara off of his mind, because being away from her was a distraction. He was upset…at himself, at Tara, and pretty much anything else that was moving or breathing. So…Natalie Givens, the seemingly correct solution. So why did he feel like such an idiot?

It became abundantly clear when he saw David "Tight Ass" Hale holding Tara's arm. He had it bad for Tara, and really, who could blame him? Still, she was his territory, and fuck if Hale was gonna take her from him. He started stomping towards them intent on kicking Hale's gappy teeth in. Tara's panicked look stopped him in his tracks. She ushered David away and pulled him to the dance floor, eyeing Jax wearily. She almost looked afraid of him, and that hurt him the most. So he pulled Natalie close and puts his hands on her waist, eyeing David doing the same thing with Tara across the floor. Tara put her chin on David's shoulder and looked at Jax, meeting his eyes, and they mirrored his own feelings of discomfort and self-doubt. _This is wrong_, he thought, and stormed out in an angry stride.

…

Natalie was pissed, per usual. Jax had asked her out and she was ecstatic that he was finally showing her some attention. She had taken several painstaking hours to get dressed and made sure that her game of seduction was on point tonight. She made it blatantly obvious to him what she craving by putting her hand on his thigh, brushing her lips against his ear, and leaning over to give him glances at her well-endowed body. But, yet again, his mind was occupied with the mousy Miss Tara Knowles. What a fucking goody two shoes. It singed her down to her core that poor, plain, bookworm Tara had what she didn't have. Natalie had delusions of victory when Jax had pulled her in for a dance; however, that was shattered when he abruptly left her in the middle of the floor. He stalked out of the gym leaving her alone and embarrassed. She looked over at Tara and saw her stupid doe eyes fill up with tears as she tried to bite back her emotions by chewing on her pink lips. Natalie hoped she would cry, and then she could have a nice laugh at her. Her train of thought was interrupted by the roaring, distinctive sound of a Harley and her stomach did a flip as she saw Jax on his bike, the front wheel precariously toeing the entryway. He had driven over the sidewalk and to the gym entrance. His eyes were blazing, and his nostrils were flaring. "TARA!" he yelled, and Natalie was the one left biting back tears.

…

_What the fuck is he thinking_, thought Tara. In an almost surreal, dreamlike sequence, Jax had roared into the gym with his motorcycle and shouted her name across the floor. Her face flushed a mortifying red as every single person in attendance had stopped and turned to stare at her. Embarrassment quickly turned to rage as she stomped across the floor with David following closely behind. If she wasn't so pissed, and, secretly flattered, she would have noticed that David was equally pissed and not at all flattered that Jax had stolen the attention of his date. "What the fuck are you doing, Jax?" she hissed, as David ran into her elbow with his rock hard abs.

"Get on Tara," he said, nodding his head to indicate that she should jump on the back of his bike. The background noise was growing into an increasingly loud murmur as people were whispering about the strange events.

"Wh-Jax, no," she said.

"Teller, maybe you and I should step outside," said David, and Tara finally noticed his anger as he spat out the words through gritted teeth.

"Tara, either you get on, or I get off," he said, glaring daggers at David. And because she didn't want to cause more of a scene by instigating a fight at the dance, she hopped on, whispering an apology to David, and asking him to be the bigger man with her pleading eyes.

Jax wheeled the bike around and rampaged out of the gym with Tara's pink gown trailing behind in a dramatic and flamboyant fashion. Principal Skinner had finally gotten wind of the situation, pushing her way through the throngs of teenagers, cursing up a storm that was lost under the purr of the motor and Jax speeding off. That was a night that the town would remember, cementing the solidity of Jax and Tara as a couple forever. It was also the start of a lifelong rivalry between two men: Jax Teller who could steal whatever he wanted and get away with it, and David Hale, who would dedicate his life of discipline and order to bringing him down. He was humiliated, and he had lost, and both things did not bode well for the boy who was taught that by doing good, good things would come your way.

The dance had started to recover from the climactic events as the chatter started winding down. The students would also remember two other things that would go down in the gossip hall of fame: Natalie Givens crying, with her mascara running, shrieking and cursing Tara Knowles to hell; and Principal Skinner, normally so composed and stoic, spitting in a blind rage, running after Jackson Teller.

…

Tara didn't know what she was doing, but the hum of the bike and the comforting feeling of being close to Jax had calmed her down somewhat. Resting her cheek against that cool leather back of his kutte, she felt at home.

She could tell that he was still angry by the rapid rise and fall of his chest. His hands were also clutching the grips too tight, as they had turned white, stretching the skin across his knuckles. "Jax, we need to stop," she said, realizing that he had no set destination in mind. They could have been driving for hours or minutes, neither could tell as the night's emotions had blurred all logical train of thought. Count on Tara to come to her senses first and try to rationalize.

He huffed out an affirmative and slowed the bike to a stop on an empty sidewalk. The street was eerily quiet and made their silence way too obvious. Tara decided to make the first move, "Listen, Jax-"

"No Tara. You listen, because I need to get this out of my system. I like you. I really like you," he said, and he grabbed her shoulders to hold her still, locking eyes with her, "and no matter what I do, who I fuck," Tara cringed as he said that, "I can't get you out of my head. I've been with girls, yeah. I'm no god-damned virgin, but I like you for you…"

Tara just stood there numb as he vented out his emotions.

"I don't know where this is going, or how long this is gonna last, but I know that right here, right now, I want to be with you, Tara."

There was a poignant pause as Tara let his words soak in. Every insecurity, doubt, and second guess had been blown out of the window by his very honest confession. Her silence impregnated the air, and Jax's open eyes had started to shield up again. She could see the internal battle waging within, the need to confess to her and the testosterone fueled ego that wanted to shut her out. She wouldn't let him close himself off, so she did the one thing that would draw him in…and kissed him.

…

Jax didn't know what possessed him to do it. He had planned on leaving the dance and Tara behind as he walked out to the parking lot to on his bike. Suddenly, as he was contemplating a life without Tara plaguing his mind, he came to a revelation: That he didn't want Tara out of his life. Even with all the mystery and confusion in the last few days, the good moments and the way she made him feel overshadowed everything else. His instincts kicked into overdrive as he relived Hale groping on Tara, and all of the sudden he was seeing red.

A mind numbing hour later, he found himself pulled onto a nondescript sidewalk confessing every girly, lovey dovey thought that crossed his mind. It was as if the words were spilling out of his mouth, and the floodgate wouldn't close. He watched as Tara's eyes grew larger and larger, but she still said nothing. He felt defeated…dejected…alone.

Then she kissed him, and in the joining of their lips, he felt her answer. She would accept him and persevere, and most importantly, she felt the same way. It wasn't a fiery kiss of dominance, or a rough and tactful ploy for sex. This kiss was a promise, pure and true, and somewhere in the back of both minds, they knew that they would be together forever.

The rest of the night was spent in bliss. They had snuck their way into Tara's house and innocently explored each other in that naïve high school way. She was still not ready to take it all the way, and Jax had respected her boundaries. Shyly she ran her hands across his skin, feeling the soft and hard planes of his body. He gently palmed her breasts, eyes always on her face to gauge her reaction and make sure he wasn't crossing any lines. He was surprised by the weight of them and more than pleased to relish in the areas of her body that were private and intimate. He loved the lily white of her skin, and felt privileged that he was the first to map this unexplored territory. For the hundredth time since meeting Tara, Jax realized that he might be in love, and that Tara might love him back, and it was a good thing.

…

Principal Eliza Skinner had sat down on her desk. Her arms were still shaking with adrenaline at the ruckus caused by one, Jackson Teller. Her mind was still trying to process the craziness of the evening and she couldn't even comprehend the amount of rebelliousness that young man had. She had been watching him like a hawk throughout the year, noting his mannerisms, charting his contacts, and learning his habits. He had troublemaker written all over him, and for Eliza, this was not to be tolerated. She was a woman of order and justice, and here was someone who not only broke all the rules, but showed no remorse or sense of propriety. She would have to act soon.

She unlocked the first drawer of her desk and pulled out a file with an official looking stamp and letterhead. She thumbed over the cover page reading "Sons of Anarchy" and pushed her way through the pages. "Piermont Winston, Harry Winston, Robert Munson, Filips Telford, Alex Trager, Otto Delaney." Names and demographics filled page after page until she got the section she wanted: "Clarence Morrow, Gemma Teller-Morrow," and lastly, "Jackson Teller." She then added a page into the already thick and detailed file entitled, "Tara Knowles, known associate."

"I'm gonna get you, you little shit."

…

A/N: This is the month of fail for your old friend Vengeance. I'm sorry it took so long for an update, but I had to return my laptop for a repair and now I'm using my mom's netbook. It's a bitch to type on a 10 inch screen, but somehow I've managed it. Leave a review for some encouragement.


	12. Chapter 10: The Significance of a Mark

A/N: Still working on this tiny keyboard. Customer Service said it can take up to two weeks before I get my laptop…I'm so sad, but I'll try to keep you motivated with Chapter 10!Warning, this chapter does contain some graphic content (somewhat noncom sex) and is a lil fluffy.

…

**Chapter 10: The Significance of a Mark**

…

Kohn was running his hands over her skin, in a desperate and harsh fashion. Hard friction was heating her body from his sweaty, calloused hands, but she felt no warmth, only the stagnant chill of disgust in her stomach. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he kept muttering over and over, his breath hot and irritating on the edge of her ear.

She was frightened and repulsed by the genuine nature of his tone and the underlying madness that lurked beneath. He really believed he loved her, and that terrified her more than anything. "Do you love me Tar-Tar? Say you love me, say it," he commanded, leaving hot, sticky trails of his saliva as he licked her neck and face.

Tara gritted her teeth together and turned towards the wall, her eyes vacant. Josh froze when he realized that she wasn't responding and suddenly his grip turned vice-like on her skin. "SAY IT!" he screamed, blistering her eardrums and clawing at her breasts. Pain shot through her tender chest as she gasped for breath trying to push him off of her body. Biting back tears, she realized that it was fruitless and forced herself to calm down. She wasn't quite ready to combat his craziness, and she didn't want to force him to toe the line. There was only one way she was getting out of this.

"I love you Josh-y," she said, defeated and monotone. He must not have heard the lack of enthusiasm, or perhaps he didn't care that she was being insincere. He had reached a point of delusion and obsession that clouded his logical, law abiding judgment. She looked into his eyes, eyes that had once been so warm and inviting, and now only saw madness. Those black orbs were transfixed by her and his snarling mouth softened into a gentle smile.

"That's all I wanted to hear, Tara," he said, softening his grip into a tender caress. He then began to softly kiss her face, and Tara did her best not to cringe. He parted her legs and entered her, and she turned her face away. He entered her again and again, muttering sweet words that somehow seemed obscene. She did her best not to vomit, and came to the conclusion that this was somehow worse than the violence. The fact that his twisted mind would turn love into something this vile was enough to make her numb, so she let herself float away as he sweated and grunted on top of her.

Her mind kept drifting back to the real love she had, almost ten years ago. It was brief, and although it was filled with its share of violence and pain, she never doubted the sincerity of Jackson's love. The comparison between him and Kohn was night and day. Charming. It was a place that she left behind because she wanted to see the world and not be burdened by the violence and barbaric actions of the club; it was a poison that festered and killed what she had with Jax, and for that, she could never forgive her hometown.

But as she was floating, with Josh sliding in and out of her, she found herself going back to home. It was safe there. She remembered the small house that she grew up in, the meadow and the tree that she used to picnic with her mother in, the warm nights and the sunny days. It was home.

He started moving faster, scrunching his face, and moaning louder, and in one, two, three bursts he came…inside of her. Tara shoved him off and ran to the toilet, leaving him huffing and puffing in a tangle of sheets. She sat, squatted on the seat, and prayed as she tried to let his seed drip out of her body. She was outraged and terrified, a sense of dread washing over her as she'd realized what he'd done, and she'd finally had enough.

…

Tara awoke with a start in the break room of St. Thomas hospital. She was safely tucked away in her hometown of Charming…well, maybe things weren't as perfect as she thought they were. She shuddered at the thought of Joshua and that dark part of her life that she left in Chicago. Things were better here, despite her torrent relationship with her high school sweetheart. Even if her personal life was a complete heap, she still had the comfort and protection of her home. Charming was small and isolated enough to the point that if a shiny new ATF agent decided to come to town, tongues would be wagging. And the Sons of Anarchy knew how to deal with the Feds.

Not that she would be relying on them, of course. The last thing she desired was an all-out free for all between her two exes and a morally unstable motorcycle gang. Somehow she had talked herself into thinking that she would never cross paths with Jackson and that she could avoid SAMCRO altogether. Secretly, she had hoped for an intimate encounter with her ex, and she was slowly starting to understand that even after ten years, things were very much the same.

The other night was, physically, amazing. It was somewhat of a relief that the sex with Jax was raw and exhilarating, but it was the after effect that left her emotionally drained. She had cried in front of him, and he had cried too. It was a mistake to open up old wounds and let him stay the night. He was marked territory now, and she'd never allow herself to really relive the events of their parting. Too many open wounds, and too many complications.

Tara gnawed on her bottom lip and got up from the table. She needed to get out of the hospital for few minutes, out of the fluorescent lights and harsh chemical smells. She went to her car, the old reliable cutlass. It was stifling hot inside, the air thick and humid. It wrapped around her like a hot, warm blanket.

_I'm a fucking coward_, she thought. She was always running, running away from everything, but it seemed that life always caught up somehow. She felt pathetic for not sticking around that morning. She woke up before Jax did, not quite remembering how they made it to the bed. He was sleeping soundly, but rolled over as she walked away, subconsciously seeking her out. He ended up hugging a pillow, pulling it close to his body. She went to the bathroom and mentally prepared the "we shouldn't have done this" speech in her head.

She stared for a long time at her reflection in the mirror, noting her glossy eyes, and swollen, red lips. Running her hands down her neck, she fingered the guilty looking hickeys that spotted her skin. Jax always liked to leave his mark. She then realized that she could steal him if she wanted to: leave his pregnant wife alone, and have him all to herself. She could be reckless and wild, like she used to be…but would it make her happy?

She then decided that ten years of growing up and maturing would be wasted, and that she was a responsible person. She wouldn't do something so hurtful to another human being. And so the only solution, the same solution she always had, was to run.

She left quickly and quietly, neatly folding his clothes and putting them in the corner. She grabbed her keys and drove to work, mind frantic and paranoid. Her rounds came and went, the days lost to an endless drone of signing charts and conferring with the other doctors.

And so she found herself on her lunch break, with an hour of free time and nothing to distract her wandering mind. Now she was sitting in the hot air of the cutlass, trying to fight back the torrent of tears. She looked at her face in the rearview mirror, rubbing her eyes and checking for red blotches. That's when she spotted his shirt in the back seat. That blue flannel shirt, so seemingly innocent and meaningless, yet it was another hard hitting reminder of the sins of her past. She reached back and gathered the material close to her face, inhaling the imaginary scent of her lover, and started bawling.

Not the pretty, picturesque tears that dolled up the movie posters, no, she was open mouthed and scrunch faced pouring out her soul. Her heart was clenching, and her body ached all over. She didn't think she would ever stop. She must have sat there for fifteen minutes, trying to compose herself and hold it in, only to start gasping and crying all over again. Only the sharp rap of knuckles on her window snapped her out of it.

She used the flannel to sop up her tears, and when her vision cleared, she was left with the last person she wanted to see her like this: Jackson Teller.

…

Jackson had decided to give Tara some space, but somehow his body was ignoring his mind and he found himself waiting outside of her house. He wasn't sure what he was doing there. _Stalking_, he thought sarcastically. Technically, he was, and there was no roundabout way of explaining it. But this was Tara, and as far as he was concerned, no crime was taboo if it meant helping her, or in this case knowing her. He waited for the mailman, or in this case woman, and after she had dropped a small stack of letters in the box, he made his move.

He thumbed through the different envelopes, feeling slightly voyeuristic as he examined each address. Bills, ads, greetings, and then finally a letter with no return address written in a neat and elegant script. Throwing caution to the wind and driven by a gut instinct, he carefully opened the letter.

_My dearest Tara,_

_I'm worried about your fragile state of mind. I know you're just running away because you're scared. Scared of being alone and hurt by your past. I want to give you some time to think about things, and when you feel ready to apologize, I'll be waiting. I'm always waiting for you. Love is a scary thing, and I understand what you are going through. Be seeing you soon. _

Jax read the letter over and over again. No signature, no return address, but he assumed that this was the mysterious romantic J.K. He was pissed, and almost a little sympathetic towards the guy. _Almost_. Who was this schmuck that let Tara break his heart? It seemed she had done the same to him, and that she still was marked by her habitual need to run away from confrontation.

He wasn't about to let some dude win his girl back with sweet words, and in a spontaneous, but deliberate move, he crushed the letter and ripped it into quarters. Shoving the remains into his pocket, he decided to take a trip to the hospital. Tara had some explaining to do.

…

He pulled into the parking lot, mentally preparing himself to try and stay calm. He figured that if he confronted her at work she would at least stay and talk to him out of fear that he would embarrass her in front of her co-workers. He would ask her why she had left him, even though he knew the answer. He'd find out what had happened in the last ten years, and most importantly who this fucking J.K. was. Did she love him and break his heart? Did Jax even still have a chance? And what the FUCK happened the other night? If she said it was a mistake he would throw her on the ground and fuck her right there, doctors be damned.

He had found out where she worked with relative ease, this was a small town after all. The fact that she had left him and became a doctor made him proud, but a tad bit bitter because she had moved on and was successful without him. He couldn't imagine her struggling or in pain, the very thought causing _him_ physical pain, but it hurt his ego to think that she was coping so well. Still, he had a nagging feeling that her life was far from perfect. It was that desperate way they fucked the other night, and he surmised that it was from the rude way he shoved himself back into her life. Deep down, he knew there was more to it.

As these thoughts were racing through his mind, he walked past the gleaming black shine of her cutlass. He almost kept walking, but out of the corner of his eye he saw her there and she was most definitely crying. He could tell by the staccato shaking of her shoulders, and her face was buried in something blue…his shirt? In his mind he had pictured this scenario being carried out by him being very firm and dominant as he forced her to acquiesce to his inquiries. All of that was shot to hell because Tara usually never cried, and the implications that she was doing so into his raggedy old shirt were surprising.

So instead of yelling and cutting her down, he gently rapped on the window, wondering how in the hell she hadn't burnt to a crisp yet in the California sun. It took her a few moment to register who it was, and his heart broke a little bit more at the lost look in her eyes. He could tell that she was crying hard; her eyes were red, puffy, and swollen, and her lips even more so. In an almost comic way, she tried to wipe away her tears and straighten her hair. She looked terrible, but he had seen her in worse shape, and frankly didn't care. He just wanted to make her feel better.

…

Tara was frozen from shock and quickly tried to fix her face. It was hopeless. _What the hell is he doing here?_ she asked herself. Her face quickly reddened as she realized she was holding his shirt. She flicked her eyes to his face and saw that he recognized it. She was caught red handed and he just stood there looking smug. He actually smirked at her.

She thought about locking the door and waiting until he went away; her eyes shifted towards the lock. He noticed.

"Don't you even think about it," he said, and before she could react, he opened the door and crouched down in front of her so that they were eye to eye. "What's wrong Tara?"

"E-v-er-y-thing," she huffed out, and a fresh tirade of tears began to fall. In an almost instinctual gesture Jax gathered her into his arms and pulled her into his lap. She had parked close to the walkway and there they sat, Tara's face buried into his neck with Jax cradling her, giving the occasional passerby an intimidating glare.

He wanted to say something, and she felt the same, felt like she needed to explain. She wanted to tell him about how hurt she was, how messed up things were. The words would come tumbling out and she would tell him about med school, how she blazed through the last ten years feeling numb and empty, how much she missed him…and she would tell him about Kohn. Only, the words never came, and they both sat there in silence, waiting for the other one to speak.

There was a tension in the air, interrupted only by the soft sniffling of Tara and the whisper of Jax _shhh shhh_-ing to keep her calm. Her mouth was parched and her throat was scorching. Somehow she managed to let out a phrase in a small and meek voice, "Y-ou, you know…I…I'm really sor- I'm really sorry."

Jax let out a huff of air that may have been a chuckle or a sigh of exasperation. She couldn't tell. There was a long pause afterwards and the sun suddenly felt hotter.

"You're not the only one," was all he said.

Tara suddenly realized that she was late back from break, and in a quick flurry of words she left. Just like that. It was all quite anticlimactic in his book, and they still hadn't resolved anything, hadn't said what they'd meant to say. Yet Jax still felt somewhat satisfied. He'd finally come to the revelation that maybe Tara had suffered as much as he had, a thought that really hadn't crossed his mind. It didn't make him feel any better, just somewhat satisfied.

…

A/N: Putting a break in here to explain some things, not that you guys aren't already up to speed, but this chap is running a little long. When Tara is nearly violated by Kohn, in ep 7 I think, she seduces him to distract him in order to escape. I feel like maybe she's used this tactic before, perhaps when he got a little too creepy. I wouldn't necessarily call it "rape" per say, at least not in the typical sense. In my story she didn't really say no, because I think in the back of her mind she knows that he'll keep going and that she can't stop him, so she takes the path of least resistance. Which, as we know, she does quite a bit. And it really amuses me to picture Jax receiving all of Kohn's messages and messing them up so Tara doesn't find them. This also gives more of a backstory for Kohn to come to Charming, as I feel like he wouldn't just let her sit in peace for months while he waited to go out there. No, he's a psycho stalker and would have been scoping her for a while. And when she doesn't respond to his messages, he takes it in to his own hands. I don't know if I'm going to have some big dramatic scene where J & T forgive each other and talk it out, because I don't think that happens in the show until after the Kohn situation. I might write an insert to give some dialogue to the subject, but it would be more of an epilogue. During ep 1, they still aren't on friendly terms. She's civil and professional, but they still aren't quite comfortable around each other. They fall into certain places of familiarity, but it's still awkward and unresolved. I'm going to start bringing them into more civil terms to get them to that point. Also, I've gone back and edited the other chapters found a ton of errors-eek! I'm putting this into a master PDF file so you guys can read this a little easier and with a little coherency. PM me if you want a copy. Okay, end of rant and on to the next chapter!


	13. Chapter 10: Part 2

…

**Chapter 10: The Significance of a Mark (Part 2)**

…

Church is in session. Not the typical fanfare with pews and preacher, but a rite that is just as sacred. Church, to the Sons of Anarchy, is a time where men who live and die in the way of the outlaw can gather together in a semi-civilized fashion. The table is a holy place where transgressions and hard decisions are addressed. The boys are gathered around the table, sitting casually, and the tone is somber and grim. Today's topic isn't light fodder, and Clay is dreading his reign as president.

…

Gemma had been watching them as time had passed. She sees them growing closer and is admittedly jealous. The tender exchanges, the shy glances, it's all a reminder of a relationships she once had. It too was innocent and pure, but that kind of love quickly fizzles out, and when the real world gets wind of it, it becomes a broken and mangled thing. Gemma knew, and she wasn't about to let it happen to her son.

The club was the one thing that would always protect him, and Gemma had screwed and fought and bled to cement her status within Samcro. She would ensure that he was safe, and this little bitch wasn't about to take him away from her.

Clay had snuck up behind her, wrapping her in his long arms whilst grinding his pelvis into her backside. "Hey, gorgeous," he said, inhaling deeply into her neck.

"Hey, baby," she said, and her voice was distant and monotone. Clay picked up on it right away.

"What is it? Tell me what's the matter," he crooned. She knew better than to try and hide it, such was the nature of her relationship.

"It's Jax," she said, and Clay let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Don't," he said, already tired of the conversation he knew they were going to have. It was a subject broached all too often lately as he witnessed the increasing paranoia of his hovering wife.

"Just listen. That girl is trouble. He's been spending time away, and the others are noticing too. If he's going to be YOUR heir, you need to win them over…HE needs to win them over."

"What are you getting at Gem?" he asked, scrubbing his hands over face, for he already knew the answer.

"It's time for the Mayhem patch," she said. They had had this argument before, shouted it out, both switching sides and opinions as they saw fit. It was too dangerous, he's too young, he's not ready for that responsibility. Gemma was not keen on the idea of Jax spilling blood for the club, but he needed a reality check. He needed to understand that this was the life and certain people didn't belong in it.

After two hours of screaming and fighting, both of them were hoarse. Gemma's hair was ruffled, and Clay had scratches on his face. She had calmed him down with a blow job, and now they both sat down on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor, exhausted.

"Alright. I'll take it to the table," Clay conceded.

…

Chibs and Otto were against it. Opie thought that he should have the chance for the Men of Mayhem patch first, as he was older. Piney stayed neutral, but Tig, Bobby, and Clay were for it. Jax stayed silent as he contemplated his capacity for murder. That was what they were asking for. Could he do it, take another man's life? Two years ago, when he had been dumber and more eager he would have said "yes" right away. But now? Now he had Tara and her opinion to consider.

Two years ago, he would have jumped at the opportunity to prove himself. This would cement his status in the club and elevate him from his father's shadow and murmurs of nepotism. He couldn't conceive of the idea of not being a member of the club, in the same way that he couldn't conceive of not being with Tara. The decision had already been made for him, so he did the one thing he could do, and agreed.

Everyone was silent as they watched Jax nod his head in the affirmative. It was a moment of pride for some and agony for the others. "Arre ya sure ya waunt ta do this, boy?" asked Chibs, his heavy Scottish accent warm and reassuring.

"Yeah…SAMCRO for life, right?" said Jax. The others sounded their agreement and each put their two cents in for advice. Tig was sadistic as usual, though Jax suspected most things he said were half true, or so he hoped.

"It's easier than taking a woman," he said, twisting his dark, curly hair round his finger, "yeah sure there's screaming and fighting, at first. But then there's warm, liquid blood, and all you have is adrenaline pumping in your veins." Clay threw a book at him. Otto and Piney just shot Tig a bewildered stare. Bobby and Otto were a little more practical, trying to ease the moral conflict that he would face afterwards. As always, Jackson appreciated their advice, and Church was dismissed. The logistics were decided; he would start off with something small, a lackey of the Mayans. They'd gotten wind from the 1-9ers that a crack dealer was stepping in on turf that was too close to Charming. It would be the perfect hit, and they were going in tonight.

…

Tara's new routine included going over to Jax's house after she finished her household chores. They had grown thick as thieves the past year, and her father did not approve of their relationship for obvious reasons. However, he was usually too drunk to take a significant notice, and as long as she maintained the household, it was never an issue.

She had grown a little more wild and reckless since meeting Jax. The other students and people around the town treated her with something like respect, but more along the lines of caution. The gym incident was now legendary, and Tara had felt more isolated than ever. Loneliness would have conquered had it not been for the comfort of her whirlwind romance with Jax.

She had just finished cleaning the house and as school was dismissed for the summer, she went to see Jax right after. She had not intended to overhear the conversation, and had, in her defense, knocked and rang the doorbell before going to the garage to find Jax. The raspy baritone of Clay and the worried hushed tone of Jax stopped her in her tracks. She would have interrupted them were it not for the next word to clearly make it to her ears. _Murder._

Jax had said "murder" and the serious of his tone paralyzed her in disbelief. Surely she'd heard wrong. The nature of the conversation turned our normally very open Tara into an eavesdropper.

…

"You sure you can do this, kid?" asked Clay. He had taken off his shades to interrupt Jax during his therapy session: turning a wrench in the garage.

"You mean MURDER?" he answered solemnly. He was deeply troubled and even though he tried to hide it, the anxiety was plain across his face.

"It's a relief, you know," says Clay, the two gentlemen now sitting side by side on a work bench. "Murder…taking a man's life, it's the most freeing thing that you'll ever do. If you can bring yourself to that point, nothing can stand in your way, no one can stop you." The air was pregnant with tension, and the weight of the conversation. Clay had this fire in his eyes, and behind it, Jax could see a certain madness lurking underneath. And then he saw guilt, regret. It was always there in Clay's eyes when he looked at him.

"But then there's this blood on your hands, you see," Clay then looked at his massive, veined hands, curling his fingers, searching for invisible blood. "It's so easy to kill a man; it takes less than a pound of pressure to cut flesh, a fraction of a second to squeeze a trigger. The act is easy…it's that aftermath that gets you…the blood never goes away, no matter how hard you try to wash it."

It was deathly quiet, and the conversation was too dark for the perfect California sunny day. It was surreal. Jax was at a loss for words. It was the most vunerable he had seen Clay, in almost his entire life. They were close, sure, because of the club and because of his mother, but there was always a certain distance (rivalry) caused by the legacy of John Teller. Moments like this brought them closer, and yet somehow pointed out the gaps in their relationship.

"It's gotta be tonight…" Jax said, finally breaking the silence. "Tonight my hands will be stained."

"And you'll get the patch that makes you a core member of the club," said Clay. All of the sudden Tara walked in, and the conversation was put to an end. The air was tense, as Jax was terrified that she may have heard part of the conversation. He didn't think he could go on if Tara knew. He couldn't see that look of revulsion in her eyes, and he thought about calling off the whole thing…but he wouldn't, because this was the club, and sometimes things had to be done.

…

Tara had played it cool, staying calm as the conversation trickled out, and when she had gathered all the information, she had stepped in. The shock was enough to numb her, but she would get through this. Her hands were shaking, but she willed them into stillness, a trait that her anatomy teacher had complimented her on. Steady hands that would make a good surgeon, he said. Tara wouldn't let them have Jax, and she certainly wasn't going to let him live with that kind of guilt; so she came up with a plan.

…

A/N: Had a power outage as there was a massive thunderstorm last night. Oh, shitty Missouri weather, how you plague me! Third part of this chapter should be up soon, as well, and it will cover a topic I know you all will be eager to read about! I'm thinking this may be a four part chapter, because there is a lot to say about this particular scene, and I want to make sure it's built and layered just right. To all my reviewers, thanks for taking the time. I'm trying to be better about responding to each of you. Peace!

Belle, the previous chapter was as difficult to write as it probably was to read, but I really wanted to tap into the creepiness of Kohn and push Tara into a corner where she would be forced to fight back. And stalker Jax is sexy! LOL. That's what I really wanted to explore as Jax and Josh both have this obsessive, potent love for Tara. I believe that firmly; the difference comes in the fact that Jax would never harm Tara, even if it means pushing her away to keep her safe, and Kohn uses that violence to manipulate her into being with him. Thanks for your reviews, as always!


	14. Chapter 10: Part 3

a/n: Check out my new story **Haircut** under my profile. Just something I wanted to do to change up the pace a little bit. Dedicated to all my regulars, and the lovely people over at fanforum.

…

**The Significance of a Mark: Part 3**

…

They were shitfaced. It didn't happen too often with Jax, and almost never with Tara, although the last few years were a little more uninhibited. She had eased him up with a firm back massage, working out the kinks and trying to make him comfortable. She could actually _feel_ the tension in his body.

Jax would never tell her the truth if she brought it up. Every time she tried to confront him about the club, he brushed her off, telling her that it was inside business. They talked about so many things, and had shared so many experiences, but it was almost like he was still afraid to let her all the way in. Maybe he thought she couldn't handle it. She was over-analyzing again, as she always did, and this time there were too many factors for her to come up with a specific solution. So she did the one thing she hated to do: she let go.

She let go of her controlled, inhibited mindset and just _acted_-the same thing she did when she was a kid. Up until she was nine, she was wild and rambunctious, getting into fights and acting on impulse. Everything changed that year; she had shut her feelings inside, determined not to let things fall out of her grasp. She couldn't control anything, but maybe she could try controlling herself. But this situation was too dire, and she couldn't think up a solution. She told him she wanted beer, and although he was confused, he complied. About three bottles in Jax started to get suspicious, and Tara picked up on the way he kept staring at his watch.

"Look Babe, I've gotta go," he started, and that's when she pushed him back on the bed. "It's club stu—oh," he moaned, as Tara caressed the bulge between his legs. She undid his pants, watching him as she lowered her head. They had touched around before, but she was too shy to initiate sex, and Jax was determined not to pressure her. So when she wrapped her lips around his penis, they were both very surprised.

She was inexperienced, and the sensation was different. Not unpleasant, but very foreign. She knew from her anatomy class where he would be the most sensitive, and lapped her tongue up and down his shaft. He was silent, his gaze unflinching and full of wonder.

And when she took him in her mouth, his whole body convulsed, his spine suddenly tingling with pleasure, and he knew he was close. Alcohol had always helped make quick work of things, but he was determined to last. Tara looked up at him, her eyes sparkling and a vivid shade of green, and her tongue sort of _rolled_. The sensation was too much and he needed release. Jax's brain was hot fire as the ecstasy spread from his pelvis to his head, and then back down through his toes. Tara swallowed like a good girl and sort of sat there, looking quite pleased with herself. He was too numb to come up with a sarcastic remark and simply pulled her close as he rode out his high. He started to drift, letting his heavy lids fold closed, taking in the intoxicating scent of his girl, and then he realized that he was drunk…and LATE. …

Jax rubbed his eyes in the slow, achy grog of his encumbered hangover. He was in a holding cell, and he could hear the swash of papers and the lazy movements of the officers on duty.

Slowly, as his surroundings became more and more focused, he started to remember what happened. Tara had been arrested! With him. He could remember stumbling out of his house with a drunk and bubbly Tara hanging on his arm, trying to weigh him down and bring him back inside. He was sluggish from the intensity of his orgasm, but didn't have the time to savor the moment he'd just shared with his girl. He frantically tried to race to his bike, thinking that he could still make the drop.

Tara was feisty and combative, and somehow in his drunken haze, he suspected she knew, and that tore him up inside. Somehow their bickering had landed them in a very public street on the way to the clubhouse. Tara eyeballed a cop in the corner and started shouting very loudly. He remembered the cop saying some mumbo jumbo about disturbing the peace and Tara doing saying something very inappropriate. She had been acting more and more wild lately, a fact that did not bother him in the least. He liked it when she let the beast out every once in a while. Then all of the sudden the cop had his hands around her wrist and Jax was too strung up and drunk to control himself. When he saw the cop grab Tara, he flipped and shoved the cop. He didn't remember much after that, but the knot on the side of his head was a pretty clear indicator.

…

Tara was sitting in a closed office, talking to the officer, and giving her report. They couldn't get a hold of her father, and they were making plans to drive her home. This wasn't the ending she'd anticipated, but somehow she felt that bad mark on her record was small payment for keeping blood off of Jax's hands. Her father would be furious, but she wouldn't care. There was only one thing she cared about.

The officer looked out the blinds and nodded his head, making a wordless exit. Tara just sat there trying to massage her temples when the last person she wanted to see. Gemma was visibly pissed, face red with audible heavy breathing. She threw off her sunglasses and sat on the desk and just glared. Tara set her mouth in a grim line and met her eyes with a fierce stare of her own.


	15. Chapter 10: Part 4

She wasn't going to be intimidated, and it was proving difficult task. Tara had been raised to respect her elders, but she regarded Gemma with a certain disdain. She loathed her take no prisoners attitude, but secretly wished for her confidence. Her hard, black eyes bore into hers, but she was determined to stay cool. She had done something good tonight, and she wouldn't regret her decision.

"You don't know how tough this is for me, do you Cupcake?" said Gemma in her husky timbre. "I have a family and lives to run."

"And the club," said Tara, trying to gauge Gemma's reaction. Gemma narrowed her eyes, trying to determine what all Jax had told her. Tara stuck her chin out defiantly.

"Do you know what Jax was going to do tonight?" she asked, trying to keep the venom out of her voice. How could a mother be so blind?

"Shut the fuck up," said Gemma, slapping her palms on the desk. "You know nothing about jack shit. I know everything that goes on in my house. Nothing goes on in this town that I don't know about. The club is our life. And no snot nosed little-"

"YOU BITCH!" yelled Tara, her chest heaving as the adrenaline coursed through her veins. "You knew," she lowered her voice when Gemma's eyes darted out to potential eavesdroppers outside, "you knew, what they asked him to do…and you were gonna let him go through with it?"

"This is what it means Sweetpea. This is the side of Jax that you can never understand. Can you live like that? Because if you want to be with my son, that's what you're in for. Chaos and blood."

"You oughta be ashamed of yourself," said Tara, but her voice was sad and defeated.

She pulled her shirt low to show off her ample bosom and the dark tattoo that marked her breast. A crow. A symbol. "You see this? This means that I can handle it. It's a mark of all the shit I've done and all the shit I will do. Chaos and blood; I wear it proudly."

Tara's eyes lingered on the elegant lines of the wings, trying to fathom living a life that was marred by violence. She was disturbed by the reverent tone Gemma used to describe the club. Disturbed and intrigued. What would it be like to live without barriers? She was too scared to find out.

"Jax is better than that," she whispered, trying to keep her voice from quaking.

"No one's better than that, Cupcake," she said, and she seemed to take on a melancholy tone as well. The entire atmosphere of the room had gone from an exploding supernova, to the deep quiet calm of space. They both felt empty and alienated.

"Jax doesn't know any other way. He's going to have to man up, or he will die, Tara. And I know neither one of us wants that to happen. You're distracting him. And you're going to get him killed."

With that, she picked up her purse and sunglasses, pulling her shades on. As she stalked out of the room, she thought, _Well, at least the girl has balls. _No one called Gemma a bitch and left the room unscathed, and even though she didn't like the twat, she reluctantly decided that she respected the young Miss Knowles.

…

Jax sat in the holding cell, with only the company of Homeless Joe sleeping in the corner. He was worried sick about Tara. She was probably really pissed at him. And the fact that she might **know**. That was what terrified him the most. She couldn't know. If she did, she would've dumped him. She was too good of a person to live her life like that. She was too good for him.

The sound of footsteps brought him out of his tentative despair. It was Officer Unser and Clay. Unser opened the cell and let Clay in, a breach of protocol, sure, but Unser was a smart man and acquiesced to the club's "requests." Clay sat down on the cot, and put his forehead into his folded hands. "Tig got shot."

Jax's eyes widened and the guilt crashed over him in rolling, stinging waves. "What happened?" he asked, voice strained and shy.

"You weren't there," he said, and it was as simple as that. He continued to guilt him, enforcing the fact that they needed an extra man. They needed Jax to be there, and because he'd screwed up, the simple hit had turned into a full blown shoot out. The Mexicans were furious and hungry for retaliation. Tig was their saving grace, and he had paid for it with a bullet in the arm. Chibs had patched him up, and the wound was mostly superficial, but he was pissed. He blamed Jax, and that moment would spark an animosity that would last both their lives.

Jax couldn't even gather the words to apologize. He just stood there numb, and ashamed. The fact that Clay was so calm about it jarred him even more. He wanted Clay to be angry, hit him, call him names. But no, his disappointment and resolve had stung harder than any fist could.

He ripped off his JR. VP patch and handed it to Clay. "I don't deserve it," he said. Clay put his hand over Jax's, curling his hands around the thin ribbon.

"Is she worth it?" he asked.

_Yes_, thought Jax, though he quickly squashed that traitorous voice down. Hadn't he been told that the club was everything? Didn't he know that this is what his father had wanted for him?

"The club comes first," said Jax, his voice gathering strength as he said this with finality. "But I think I love Tara."

…

He and Clay had had a heart to heart. Surprisingly, Clay had a lot of insight about women, and despite his philandering ways, he knew a lot about romance. He was deeply devoted to his woman and managed his household and the club in unison. In the end, he was forced to keep his patch, and deep down he knew his status and the club wasn't something he could just give away. The club was for life, and that made what he was about to do even more painful.

On his way out of the club, he caught a flash of dusky skin through a bent up blind. It was too much of a coincidence, and yet he was sure he saw her. His principal, Eliza Skinner. It was the closed off office of the branch liason. Usually they handled the undercover affairs and relationships with other branches of the law. He had only seen a brief flash of her, but it made too much sense for him to ignore.

The gym incident should have cost him his graduation. He should have been expelled, but he was let off with no more than a slap on the wrist. He had thought it was due to the club's connections, but now he saw the deeper implications. She was a plant. And in Charming, there was virtually no crime that wasn't initiated or regulated by Samcro. This was a huge problem and it made him steady his resolve even further.

…

"We need to talk," they both said in unison. It had been the next day, and both were uneasy about how this conversation would pan out.

"I need you to tell me everything," said Tara.

"That's what I came here for. But you're not gonna like what you hear. I think you'll run away…and…" he couldn't finish because the pain was becoming intense. His heart was pounding.

"I know what you were going to do last night," interrupted Tara. The silence was deafening. It was thick and tense, and it was choking the both of them.

"I know that's not who you are, Jax. You know that you're better"

"-Better than what?" he roared. "I'm not good or smart like you are. I don't give a fuck about anything! This is my life, and when everything around me crumbles away, the club will be there." He sat, trying to check his temper. The outburst was unexpected for the both of them, but he was stripped raw and deathly afraid that Tara wouldn't look at him the same.

"I'll be there too," she whispered. It was like a break in the clouds on a stormy day, and that one stream of sunshine lit up his soul. "I love you Jax. The real you, and the bad you. I accept that."

They were the words he wanted to hear, but he suddenly realized that Tara accepting his life of crime and potential murder was almost worse than her leaving him. Tara was a good person, and she deserved better.

"Tara, you can't be involved in this…with me. It just won't work. You want to be a doctor for fuck's sake. You want to save lives and last night I almost took one."

"I don't need to be a doctor, it was just a stupid thought. Who knows what I'll decide in the future, but right now, I just want you."

Jax just shook his head, overcome with emotion. She was too much. "You can't handle this. It isn't you, and you'll never be one of us," he mumbled and walked off, leaving them both all too aware that he hadn't said "I love you" back. As he walked away, Tara was left alone and broken, and she started to cry.

…

It had been forever since he'd seen her cry. Tara Knowles, who had ripped him apart over a decade ago, was just sobbing in his arms outside the hospital. Today, Opie was getting out of prison, a welcome sight and distraction from the fuck ups in his life. Op had grown a fearsome beard, and put on prison muscle. He had spent the day with his family, Donna protesting the get together that Gemma had planned. He showed up with the kids and wife in tow, and put on a happy face, even though parties weren't really his thing. Opie was always a quieter, almost shy person, but prison had isolated him, and his social skills were lacking. Still, Jax was comforted that his best friend was home, and that things were slowly coming full circle.

"So Tara's back, huh?" said Opie. They were sitting on the front porch, beers in hand, while Jax took a long and deep drag.

"Yeah." Jax recounted his reunion with Tara, and Opie just sat silent and listened. He started pouring his heart out, glad that he wasn't criticizing him or throwing in a snarky two cents.

"So what are you gonna do?" asked Op.

"I don't know. I just don't know."

"Tara's right here."

"Yeah, she's always here with me," said Jax whistfully.

"No, I mean, Tara is RIGHT here." Opie then took lopped down the porch and gave Tara a big hug. Jax had been so distracted that he didn't notice the cutlass had pulled up behind a string of cars. Tara was dressed in casual clothes and she had a gift bag.

"It's good to see you, Op," she said, "I ran into Donna at the store, and I just wanted to get you guys a little something."

"That's really nice, Tara. I'm gonna go grab a beer, you want one?"

"No, I can't stay long, just wanted to drop that off." Opie said his farewells and walked back into the house, eyeing Jax with raised eyebrows.

"Do you have a minute Jackson?" she said, and he was instantly apprehensive at her serious tone.

"Sure Tara Knowles." They sat together side by side on the steps. Tara was careful to keep her distant and had to fight her instinct to lean into him. His scent and presence were intoxicating.

"I don't know where to go from here," she said. "There's too much history between us, and I don't know if it was a mistake to come here or not."

"It wasn't a mistake, Tara," said Jax, and the undertone was there. It wasn't a mistake for her to come back and what they did the other night wasn't a mistake either.

"I'm so fucked up," she said, and she let out a laugh that was borderline hysterical. "I just need a minute to sort out my life. I didn't mean to run into you, but in the back of my mind I knew. I'm just not ready to go back to that place ten years ago. It's still too raw."  
"You think you're the only one who's still hurting?" asked Jax. They were both fighting back tears. "Do you know how I was after that shit?" He stood up and started pacing.

"We both were, Jax. But we were young and stupid. We got caught up in this shit. You left this mark on my heart, and I'm still trying to get over it."

He walked to her and pulled her to his body. She was struggling as he pulled her into a hard embrace. His arm snaked around her waist, while his other hand ripped up the back of her shirt, exposing her lower back. She felt the shock of cold air, but was lost in the tense hold of his arms.

"This mark is permanent," he whispered in her ear, and she heard the anguish in his voice. "You can never get rid of it." He let her go and cupped his hands around her face. "I have one too. You're engraved in my heart, and no matter how hard I try to dig you out, you're still there."

They stood that way for a long time. Both of them were too frightened of what might happen next. The important questions seemed trivial, and were left unanswered. Their parting was awkward and forced by a sense of propriety and the unspoken threat of Gemma walking out and catching them. That was a conversation both of them wanted to avoid. She walked out to her cutlass and reminisced about her mark, the visible one, on her lower back.

…

Tara wiped away her tears, ignoring the fact that he hadn't declared his love. It wasn't what she'd expected anyways. He was pushing her out, and earlier she had resolved that it would be okay. That things would be better this way. Gemma was rude and intrusive, but she was also right. She wanted to get out of Charming; it was what her mom would've wanted. She pictured herself in the city, traveling across Europe, and seeing exotic sites. Lately though, she had always included Jax in those pictures.

The harsh realization that things might be over between them had made her understand that she would give those things up. She would love him and accept him no matter what. She took Gemma's words to heart. They were meant as a deterrent, but know they stood to encourage her actions. Somehow she found her way to Jerry's Charming Ink. Jerry was there as usual, and it took a little coaching for him to remember her. But as soon as she mentioned the Sons, and that this was her first time, he warmed up. He skipped the id part, and Tara left him a generous tip. He knew exactly the tat she would want, as he'd designed most of Samcro's tattoos himself. The pain was agonizing and foreign, but still nothing compared to how she would feel without Jax. She would show him and let him know. This would be a physical representation of everything she didn't have the courage to say…and it would be there forever.


	16. Chapter 11: That Sht's Permanent

…

Chapter 11: That Shit's Permanent

…

"We've got a plant," said Jax, and immediately everyone in the room shut their mouths. Church was in session, and everyone had been amused that the jr. VP had the audacity to call the meeting. Tig, in particular, was extremely pissed. He was still woozy and doped up from the painkillers, and the bullet that had grazed his body was a reminder that this young pup still had a long way to go.

But after he had said those words, the implications and severity of the matter settled in, effectively muzzling everyone in the room.

"Ya, shuure aboot it, Jackyboy?" said Chibs, in his thick Scottish accent.

"It's my principal," said Jax. He then elaborated on the little nuances that gave her away. The way she watched him, her tendency to be overbearing, yet lenient; it all made too much sense. The teacher was a plant, and if she was this deep undercover, it had to be serious.

"So your teacher's been watching you. What the fuck else you gonna get us into, KID?" said Tig, and immediately people began talking again, some agreeing and disagreeing. Piney was one of the louder people sticking up for Jax, and it made him painfully aware that his stepfather had said nothing. He was still angry about the patch incident.

"Here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna play it smart, and quiet. We need intel on this bitch and who she works for. If she's local, we pop her ass and give her a Charming burial. If it's worse and she's a fed…well, we'll just handle that if it goes there. Play it safe, keep your eyes and ears out," said Clay. The meeting was adjourned with the pounding of the gavel, and slowly the Sons poured out the room, all too aware that something bad was bound to happen.

…

Jax rode home, the roar of his Harley not loud enough to keep thoughts of Tara out. He regretted his decision, had felt physical pain from it. His stomach was in knots, and it felt like a hand was making a vice-like fist over his heart, squeezing and suffocating him. It took all his strength and will power not to go to her house and beg her to come back.

So when he arrived home, the sight of her sitting on his bed nearly sucked the air out of him.

….

Tara had snuck in, a relatively easy process that she had perfected since she started dating Jax. He left his window open, and all it took was a simple climb up the trellis and onto the roof. She had waited on his bed, nerves getting the best of her as she heard the unmistakable purr of his Harley. She poked her head out the window to make sure it was him, and her heart jumped at the sight of him.

He walked in the room, and she rose quickly off the bed. He looked happy to see her; a hint of a smile lit up his grim face, and quickly fell. He started to say something, but was quickly silenced when she turned around and lifted her shirt. The cool air was refreshing on her lower back. The skin was still raw and stung with the movement of her shirt. She waited, the hairs rising on her neck as the silence let doubt creep into her mind. She waited. And waited.

What if he still didn't want her? _This was a terrible idea_, she thought. _Why am I so stupid? I should've left him alone, he doesn't want me, and I am a fool for letting myself believe this-_a cool brush of air, signaled that he had moved closer. Warm fingertips gently laid themselves on her hips, careful not to touch the sensitive skin. Still, he said nothing.

She risked a peek over her shoulder, and was stunned to see the look of wonder in his eyes. They were full of reverence. She tried to turn and touch him, but his grip held strong and she was stuck in place. "Tara," he said, "do you know what this means?"

"It means I'm yours…that I-"

"Love you," he interrupted. "Tara, I love you."

A lump formed in her throat. He had finally said the words. He broke his grip from her hips and stood up to face her. Their eyes locked and time, the club, and everything else became irrelevant. "I love you," he said again. A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye, and he brushed it away with his calloused thumb.

"This is stupid and dangerous, but I love you too much to let you go," he said.

"Jax, I just want to be with you. You're everything to me," said Tara. In the back of her mind, a little voice told her that it wasn't enough. Sooner or later the he would get caught up with the club and it would break her. She quickly silenced it and relished the feeling of Jax's arms wrapped around her.

…

_Later she takes him to her special place, a field just off the highway. It's a green little paradise and the sun is lenient, allowing a cool shade under the trees and sunlight in the rolling hills. She pointed to a hill off in the distance and told him about her mother, and how this was "their" place. She would take her here when she was a little girl, and they would lie in a ditch, soaking up the sun. He tries to press her to talk about her mom some more, anything to avoid talking about the club and his own fucked up existence. She closes up and her eyes start to water. _

_ Jax quickly changed the subject and pulled her to a nearby tree. "This can be our special place," he says. They sit in the shade and laze about the rest of the day, for now, content to put away their troubles and just enjoy the comforting presence of each other. He thinks about putting his hands down her jeans, but decides that it would spoil the moment. He wants their confession to be pure, because nothing in else in his life is pure. And he knows things are going to get a lot worse. _

…


	17. Chapter 11: Part 2

a/n: Just wanted to start off with a thank you for the reviews. We're about 4 more chapters away from the end. Your guys' positivity has been overwhelming, and I really thank you for making this a fun experience. What started out as a writing exercise grew into a much beloved pleasure and I'll definitely keep posting stuff for you to enjoy. Finally had some time to start reading some fanfics, and some of them are great, while others…eh, not so much. Need to do some RL work and that's why this has been put on the backburner. I'm going to crank these out pretty quick here and then get to a reading list several pages long. This one is dedicated to my friend Kathy. You're a hot mess and you have a ton of issues, but I love you nonetheless and thanks for always being the voice of support. You're the kind of person that comes once in a lifetime.

*Look for the baby biker cameo!

…

Tara had been waiting outside the precinct. The cold Chicago wind blew outside and her ears were red. She nervously pulled at her heavy coat as she stood outside, the foreboding in her stomach prohibiting her from going further.

She had complained to his boss at first, citing that Agent Joshua Kohn was threatening her and borderline stalking. She had tried to cut ties with him cold turkey, resulting in an outburst of open violence that she had not been prepared for. She changed her phone number after he left no less than a hundred desperate messages on her machine. A few times she caught him lurking outside of her building and she asked her co-worker and sometimes ex-lover to escort her inside. She had a casual, purely sexual relationship with Dr. Joseph Berry a few months ago. The awkwardness had passed after she broke it off, and they soon resumed their friendship.

He had taken to escorting her home after work, as he only lived a few blocks away. They took the metro because of the heavy traffic in the city, and Tara felt a pang of nostalgia as she thought about her dad's old cutlass. It was a relic that would go unappreciated in the windy city.

She was glad for Joe's company, and even though she didn't want to involve anyone in her ex-boyfriend's madness, she felt a small amount of comfort with him being there. He walked her to the door, and she turned around to face him, only to find that he was well into her personal space. A few more inches, and their noses would've touched.

The moment is filled with tension and she would like to make a move, but the ordeal with Kohn is still a fresh and open wound. The hairs on the back of her neck stand up and she looks around panicked. She can feel him watching her. Joe senses the stress and backs off with a carefree smile. He really was too nice. They mumble their goodbyes as Tara quickly rushes into her apartment, locking the deadbolt behind her.

She is woken in the night by the sound of the lock being jigged. She didn't give Josh a key, and she is frightened by the fact that he's trying to get in. She knows it's him on the other side even before she's heard his voice. There's no way she's checking the peephole.

"Go away, Josh!" she yelled. The knob quit moving, and there was a sudden silence. Maybe he had listened…

BOOM BOOM BOOM. The door shook on its hinges as he kicked and punched wood. Each moment of impact seemed to shake her very bones, and was frozen with fear. She heard a muffled voice, something about calling the police. It was one of her neighbors, and she was grateful.

"…..FUCKING kill you-" she heard Josh reply. The next sound she heard was her neighbor slamming their door and hiding away.

"Tar Tar, why won't you let me in?" he said. "I don't know what I've done wrong, why are you punishing me? I love you, don't you know that? And you love me too….SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW!"

"I've already called the cops. And there are witnesses," she yelled, "so you just stay the fuck away from me." She said this with a false courage, and when he didn't respond, she was relieved. The whole situation had left her in a cold sweat and his skin was clammy. All of the emotions suddenly rose up in her stomach and she ran to the bathroom to vomit the contents of her stomach.

It had been two weeks since "the incident," as she liked to call it. He had fucked her and came inside her. It was too intimate for her, and she had already been looking for reasons to break it off. Why had she gotten involved with this guy? The warning signs were there, and she could sense this darkness lurking underneath. Maybe she was so desperate for something sane and normal-anything to distract her from the pain of the past. And look where that got her. For the hundredth time since she broke it off, she thought of going back home.

So the crazy phone calls, the letters, and her neighbors had brought her to the precinct. This was her third attempt to file a restraining order, and even with all of the proof and evidence, they'd still shrugged her off. Kohn was a model agent and his name was attached to some of the biggest busts in the metro area.

Dejected and frustrated, she ran from the main office trying to bite back tears. It was there that she ran into Detective Hollis from Internal Affairs. Apparently, there were muted reports and rumors about the "aggressive behavior" that Kohn exhibited in the field. He showed her pictures of a CI that he "allegedly" roughed up. Tara was shocked to find that girl looked remarkably similar to her, minus the bruised eye and swollen lip. He had granted her a temporary restraining order in trade for her tapes and letters that verified his disturbing actions.

He then advised her to get out of town, as the next step would be to file a permanent order. She would have to go to court, and he would have her new address if she just changed apartments or relocated in the city. After all, he would have to know where he wasn't allowed to be, and Tara wasn't confident that a piece of paper would keep him away.

So she stayed in a hotel for the next couple of weeks, her nausea and fatigue credited to the stress of the situation. She had used her vacation time to stay off the radar at work. Joe had called and said that a tall guy with salt and pepper hair had been poking around. That was the last she'd heard of him since he'd last walked her home those weeks ago.

Holed up in apartment with nothing better to do, she ate, and she munched, always paranoid, always dreading that he would come banging through the door. She made a few calls to her landlord and made arrangements for her furniture to be sold. She didn't have a ton of belongings that she was particularly attached to, so things went very smoothly. After a few days, she would relocate and go to another populated hotel chain. He was probably monitoring her credit cards. She changed her phone number once again after he'd found the new one, probably from an FBI hookup. He'd left a dozen messages. She didn't listen to any of them.

Finally, her medical senses cut through her unease, and she ventured out of the room to the local gas station. She picked up some toiletries and snacks, and begrudgingly a pregnancy test. Surely fate wouldn't be so cruel. _Life couldn't be this fucking bad._

Five minutes later, pee stick in hand, she sat on the commode, numb. That pink little plus sign had scared her almost more than Kohn did. Calling the hospital, she went right away to her OBGYN, scheduling an appointment in the next week to fix this problem. It pained her to think about it. She was pro-choice, of course, as a medical professional. However, on a personal level, she couldn't fathom the idea of taking a baby's life. She struggled and stressed at work trying to SAVE lives. _It wasn't a baby yet_, she justified. Technically, the baby was little more than a bean inside of her. And it was Josh's…she didn't love him, and she couldn't love the baby. _Maybe I could. Maybe I could take it and raise it away from him. No, then he would never leave me alone. I would be tied to him forever_, she thought. The decision was made.

…

Tara was hung-over, and it was a state that had become familiar over the last few months. She rolled over, tongue dry and head heavy, until her cheek collided with the warm expanse of Jax's back. They were sleeping together too now, and she found it was hard to sleep without him lying next to her. Her grades were slipping, her dad was perpetually pissed and every word from his mouth evolved into a lecture. Things weren't perfect with Jax either. Their relationship consisted of dodging questions resolved with fleeting answers. Jax tried to keep her oblivious, and she couldn't find the energy to dig deeper. The truth was some things were better left alone.

Her life had fallen into a vague, but somehow satisfying pattern. Endless and mind-numbing fucks with Jax, droning days at school, going to his house afterwards; they were closer than ever before, but the distance between them was still so vast.

It was Junior year, and things were still the same in the stagnant, but mysterious place she called home. _Charming, yeah right_, she thought. She ran into David Hale, with whom she had maintained a tense, but somehow still amicable friendship.

"Hey Tara," he said, smiling that cheery gap-toothed smile. She appreciated the friendly crinkle around his eyes when he smiled, and he looked like he saw too much sun during summer break.

"Hey David, how's it going?" she replied.

"Great, great. I got accepted into the criminal justice program at UCLA. Not sure if I'm going to go though, I wanna get into law enforcement, but my dad wants me to be a lawyer, like he was."

"WOW. Congratulations," she said hesitantly. His accomplishments only made her faltering grades more obvious. They chatted for a few moments, and she drifted in and out of the conversation.

"So, you still planning on med school?" he asked, jolting her back to reality.

"Yeah…no…I don't know. Need to get my grades up, I've been busy lately, and it's been hurting. I'll probably just go to the junior college," she said, a little embarrassed.

"Tara!" he huffed, "Sorry, I don't mean to snap at you, but you have so much potential. You don't have to be stuck here because of that loser-"

"Stop, David," she said, "we've already tried this argument, and it didn't sit well with either of us. He makes me happy…and I'm not stuck, I'm just…JUST!"

The silence that followed was awkward and heavy, and both of them were lost in their own thoughts. They went their separate ways to class and he smiled at her before waving off. Things were okay between them, but her thoughts were still unsettled.

…

Jax was sitting with "J.C." the chubby little teenager who was getting Cheetos smudges all over the boxy computer screen.  
"So, you Mexes good with computers?" said Tig, driving his finger into J.C's chubby, tan cheek.

"I'm not Mexican," he giggled, " I'm Puerrrto Rrrrican."

"Where the fuck did you find this beanbag?" Tig asked Jax.

Jax came to his defense and explained the Juan was a whiz kid. Sure he was just a middle-schooler, and he was a little naïve, but he knew his way around computers. He had a relation in the Tacoma charter, a second cousin or something. Clay had pulled him out of class to help dig up some information on Principal Skinner. Finally J.C. smiled up at them, his big brown eyes sparkling, "FOUND IT!" he yelled.

They got a detailed 10 page printout using different records and news articles they found online. "Good job, Brownie," said Tig, "way to get the juice."

"Yeah, you did good kid; here's a little something for your troubles," said Jax, handing the kid a hundred. Juan's face lit up at the compliments, and he was bouncing as he walked out of the clubhouse, shiny Benjamin in hand. "The kid did good work," he said, thumbing through the notes. "Let's take it to the table."

…

There was a thick, encumbered silence in the room. The contents of the dossier had been read, Clay's tone somber and heavy:

Eliza Skinner, aged thirty-two had received her Bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice at NYU. She moved on to teaching criminology back on the west coast where she grew up. Around three years ago, she was asked to assist in a politically motivated and corrupt drug trafficking case. There were a number of casualties where a member of the 9ers had assassinated 4 people in retaliation, two of which were political big shots. For her excellent work, both behind the scenes and on the field, she was offered a full time position with ATF and the DEA. She went with ATF and received her status as a special agent. However, due to increasingly violent and "emotionally charged" altercations, her status was revoked. She left the force after a very successful year, putting away no less than ten of the 9ers key members. She had a vendetta against them, and they were after her. Her home in Oakland was compromised, and after several civil lawsuits and liability issues, she left the force. It was assumed that she moved to Charming to escape the dangers of her former profession and get back in touch with her roots in education.

"It looks like she's picked a new target," said Clay, "US."

They picked through the files, all of them pondering the best solution to the problem. Finally, the VP spoke up. "She's not an agent anymore…how much of a threat could she be?" said Piney.

"She's been keeping eyes on Jax," said Clay. "This bitch is poking her nose where it don't belong, and she's not a fed…which means it's open season on Miss Skinner."

…

Tara is not hungover. She is recovering from the groggy, sluggish warmth of the local anesthetic. The procedure had taken all of an hour to complete, and it was done. She felt empty inside, her womb was aching and there was a distinct ache of dulled down agony. It soon filled up with the crushing pressure of guilt. She was allowed to leave and it was an outpatient procedure. Unfortunately, she was not able to exit as fast as she had entered, and she ran into Cordelia, a nurse for her unit.

"OhmyGOD, TARA!," she said, in her obscenely chipper voice. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Ugh, I…I've been on sick leave," she moaned, trying to keep her pain in check.

"Girl, you've missed so much, NICU has been nuts without you," she droned on and on about the nurses and other hospital gossip, and Tara slowly tuned her out, "and did you hear about Dr. Berry?"

That got her attention. "What happened to Joe?" asked Tara, and she gripped the girls shoulders, trying to squeeze the information out.

"He's in ICU. Someone beat the crap out of him and he's in a coma."

Tara froze with fear, vaguely recalling the frantic phone call Joe made days before, warning her, worrying for her. And now he was a mangled mass of flesh and pulp kept alive by tubes and a steady flow of fluids. She was going to leave. She had to go back to Charming.

…

A/N: Tara is 17, Jax is 18 in this chap. Wanted to show some pre S1 action on Tara and give you a glimpse of her life in Chicago and what pushed her back into Charming. For those of you who caught the meadow reference, YES! It is the "porterhouse" meadow, lol. That scene was too perfect for me not to make it special for them. I deliberately chose not to show Tara losing her virginity in this scene, but you will get the low down later. Her and Jax have an active sex life in this, and have fallen into a sort of routine together. REMEMBER, reviews are love, and they encourage me to write faster. Look for an update soon. MUAH!


	18. Chapter 12: Fractures

…

Thanks for all the reviews and kicking my butt back into gear. Had to go back to work and sadly, my writing was put on the backburner. I have the whole thing mapped out, but considered scrapping the story after re-reading it. There are so many things that I want to tweak, but I'll leave this up until I send out the revised copy. Make sure to subscribe and add an author alert so that you can get updates to my NEW stories as well. To all the loyal J/T fans, this one is for you.

…

**Tara's hands are numb and her knuckles are an angry, swollen red. Her head is pounding and she is hungover-again. **She is trapped in a cell, the beige, crusty walls seemed to be closing in. _Natalie Givens, that fucking bitch,_ she thought.

It was another one of Gemma's ploys, she was sure. There was a tension with Jax, an impending foreboding originating from his frantic behavior. He seemed to always be looking over his shoulder and it made her nervous. He wouldn't tell her what was going on and that was the way she preferred it. She didn't want to get caught up. However, it was becoming increasingly obvious that ignorance was not bliss. She had taken to nagging him lately, and what once was a pure and cohesive love had recently been strained and awkward.

Gemma took advantage of the situation, striking out like a viper. Tara had an argument with Jax that left them both bruised and bitter. He had quit school…it was his senior year, a move that prompted Tara to also consider dropping out just to be with him. He wasn't hearing that, citing how bad of an influence he was on her. They had almost ended things then and there. The severity of the argument was only temporarily muted out by the aggressive make up sex that followed.

His mother pounced on the opportunity to further drive them apart, something she was always itching to do. Gemma had invited that Natalie bitch over for dinner. She practically threw her on Jax and Tara had walked away before she had it out with both women. Jax had started to chase after her, but after seeing how pissed she was, he backed off. She wished he would have gone after her. Instead, she was left pondering all the possible licentious things they apt to do. She was sad and lonely, and felt like she was losing the love of her life. _Why wouldn't he come after her?_

The next day she saw Natalie at the gas station. She had that shit eating grin on her face, and suddenly Tara had the urge to hit something. Jax was still outside at the pump, oblivious to the exchange taking place. Things had still been tense between them.

"Had a nice dinner with Jax," said Natalie, making sure she rolled her tongue across her lips.

"God, when will you stop? It's getting really pathetic," said Tara. Her nerves were fried, and she could feel her eyes starting to water, not in sadness, but in rage. It took all of her will power not to slam her face into the newspaper stand.

"Desert was even better," she started, and then made a crude gesture with her hand. Tara balled up her fists and lunged, landing a hard right on Natalie's perfectly formed nose. The crunch was almost as satisfying as hearing Jax moan post coitus. To Natalie's credit, she did land a couple of good blows before Tara ripped out a wad of her hair. Natalie wailed and started to cry, as she bit back a triumphant laugh. By then, the owner and Jax had come inside to separate them. Unfortunately, there were a couple of officers in range who were instantly attracted to the ruckus. One of them got too grabby with Tara, and Jax asserted himself into the situation, shoving the officer down onto the pavement. They were both put into the back of a squad car, Jax seething and Tara cackling at the absurdity of it all.

They were originally going to be charged with assaulting an officer and a slew of other rough charges, but thanks to their connections within Charming PD, they were let off with resisting arrest, and luckily there would be nothing but a dirty slap on their records. No charges would be officially filed. Tara felt like she had gotten off scott-free, that was until she ran into the imposing figure of her angry Irish father. She remembered the conversation from the last time she got arrested, and was already panicking at what would happen next.

…

"I can't believe this happened, girl," her father said. It was right after her victory ploy to keep Jax from committing murder, and the insane encounter with Gemma. They were riding in the cutlass, and she felt ridiculously small in the passenger seat.

She was still hungover, and her adrenaline was running high after her blowout with her lover's mom.

"What would your mother say?" said Patrick, eliciting a hiss from his daughter. Her mother was a touchy subject. She had tried to initiate a heart to heart with her father several times, only to have him clam up and leave her feeling guilty. Then he would go out on a bender, leaving Tara to clean up the vomit and empty glasses. She learned that it was best to leave the subject alone.

"Do we really want to have this discussion right now?" said Tara, not bothering to hide the malice in her voice.

"You see, this damn attitude you've developed. You were never like this before! What the fuck has **he** done to you?" he practically shouted.

"Don't go there Dad, this is me, it's always been me. I was just too fucking busy trying to fix your fucking life to let myself go. I'm always wound up-with this fucking-fucking pressure-" she shouted, her breath hitching as she struggled to express herself.

"I feel so sick of worrying about everyone else and being tied down by your shit. Now you wanna go and bring up Mom? I've tried to talk about her, to talk to you…." She trailed off when her voice started to tremble. Her father looked absolutely horrified. Her stomach turned to ice when she realized that he was crying, and then his face crumpled as he broke into heavy sobs.

"I know babe, I know…I've been a shit father, but what else can I do? It's hurts me to look at you, you're so much like her, did you know? I loved her so much and she just left us. It was all my fault, and I don't want you to be stuck in the same situation. I don't want you to be stuck!"

…

She had tried to straighten up a bit after that, at least at home. She held it all inside in front of her father, determined not to see him break down again. But she wouldn't give up Jax, she could never do that. And here she was, her second time in jail since being with him, and the little voice that said her father was right just got a tad bit louder.

Her father was there to escort her home again, but this time he was silent. He said nothing on the somber drive, and didn't meet her eyes until they pulled into the driveway. "Your mother would be ashamed."

…

Later, they've agreed to meet at their special place and she leans back onto their tree. On the other side, Jax has carved their initials with his knife, cheesy heart and everything. She casually fingers the jagged letters on the dried bark. Glancing back at the meadow, she thinks of her mother and how she would take her there to picnic as a kid. She remembered sunlight and dandelions, and thinking that her mother was the most beautiful woman in the world.

That was before she pulled away and started to isolate herself. Before Tara could get too lost in her memories, Jax snuck up behind her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Ah, the new memories they'd created together. This was a good place. They had laid with each other and made love for the first time under the tree.

He nuzzled into her neck, inhaling her scent. He groaned into her neck, the vibrations sending electrical sparks down to her stomach. Silence. They were both lost in their own thoughts until,

"Are you okay?" he asked. It took a minute for her to respond, and she looked again at the meadow.

"My mom killed herself," she said. She seemed lost in a trance, and her voice was monotone as she droned on, "right here in Charming. This damn town…"

"Shit," Jax said, tensing up, he wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"I found her, when I was nine. She just took a bunch of pills, I thought she was sleeping."

He turned her around to face him, trying to get her to meet his eyes. They were blank. It scared him to see her this disconnected, and something inside of him was screaming that he had to pull her back. _Pull her back! _He clutched at her face and pressed his mouth against her, sucking in her lips and trying to force her to respond. She was slack against him.

"Baby?" he said, kissing her again a little more forcefully. He wasn't going to lose her, not like this. Finally she kissed him back, meeting his eyes. She looked weary, exhausted, and he could tell that she was fighting back tears.

"We have to get out of here Jax. She couldn't stay stuck in this town, and neither can I. I can't go out like that. We have to get out."

…

Eliza watched the exchange through her binoculars, noting the intimate and almost desperate way that he touched the girl's face. He really loved her, she realized. And Eliza would use that to take him down. She would bring them all down.

…

**BUM BUM BUM…muahhahaha. Okay, a lil cliffie I know,and lots of new info to go. Only 3 chapters left… I needed to broach the subject of her mom, because we know she died young from the series. I want this to be a sensitive subject for Tara and I'm trying to establish the motivation for her to get the hell out of dodge. Things are going to get ugly and it'll be painful, but don't worry folks, they end up together in the end! Reviews are love!**


	19. Chapter 12: Fractures Part 2

A reward for all my loyal readers, enjoy, but be warned, this is M, M, M okay! And damn Belle, I can't believe you reviewed so fast. Last chap was up for what 30 minutes, lol! LOVE it, this one is for you dear because I know the next chapter is going to hurt you…

…

Their first time together was shy and awkward, and not even Jax's super confidence could save the situation. They said "I LOVE YOU" every chance they got. He had gotten use to saying the words and couldn't keep the little smile off his face after he said it. Tara loved those moments, thinking _this is the real Jax_. When he smiled like that, she was seeing his heart.

They had started coming to meadow regularly after that blissful, starry night. He brought a blanket this time, and she was lying on her back, t-shirt riding up just a bit, exposing her tattoo. He was tracing lazy circles on her back and playfully dipped his fingers into the waistband of her jeans.

"You know, I love this place," said Jax, placing a kiss on the black wing of the crow.

"I did too. Loved it here as a kid."

He got up suddenly, pulling his knife from his side and started chipping into the tree. She giggled as she watched him work. His face was pulled in concentration, and his tongue was sticking out of the corner of his mouth. She didn't think he could be any more perfect.

"There, now it's official," he said, stepping aside to reveal, **J.T. and T.K. 4ever**.

"Forever, huh. Seems like a long time."

"Well, I figured that you did go to jail for me, and then you stood up to my mother," he joked, "you're definitely whipped."

She pounced on him, straddling his body and grabbing a hold of his arms. "Whipped, huh?" she said, and then she pushed down with her pelvis and sort of **ground** down on him. He hissed and bucked up uncontrollably as she laughed at the shocked look on his face.

"Who's whipped now?" she said smugly, as she felt him harden instantly beneath her.

"Tara," he warned, "I don't know if you're-"

"I'm ready," she said, cutting him off, "I'll always be ready for you." With that, she bent down and licked deeply into his mouth. He moaned and massaged her tongue with his. When she started to relax a bit, he flipped them over, settling himself between her legs. He palmed her breasts, and eyed her appreciatively as she pulled off her top. Looking around to make sure there were no intruders, _the road was deserted, _he plunged down into her décolleté, licking a trail around her bra.

She arched up to meet him and started to squirm in anticipation. He pulled off his shirt and she undid her bra, and they met in a collision of chests, both heartbeats thundering so loud, they could feel each other. He stopped and looked into her eyes, his hair falling down and tickling her forehead. She thought he was going to ask her if she was sure, and started to roll her eyes, but instead he blurted out, "I love you."

"I love you, too." They both were breathless, and where their movements had been fast and frenzied, they started to slow down and really feel the moment. This was going to be important, the most important thing for both of them.

He unbuttoned her pants and slid them off, taking her panties with them. He pulled her legs apart and placed slow, burning kisses on her hip bones, caressing his cheek against her pelvis. She was massaging her hands through his head, holding her breath in anticipation. They had fooled around before, but nothing compared to this, and she knew there would be no going back. She could feel their love for each other punctuate every movement, every touch, and it was overwhelming her in the best possible way.

Jax didn't know what made her so different from all the other girls. The mechanics were essentially the same. Fucking was fucking, so why did this feel different? The fact that this would be her first time made him feel like he should make this special for her. He wanted her to like this, to make her feel pleasure. He would express himself on her body doing what words couldn't do, and explain what his mouth could never articulate. He loved her. With every fiber of his being, he loved her, and he would spend the rest of his life making it known. For Jax it was his first time too, making love.

She thought she would go crazy as he trailed his tongue in lazy, languid strokes, barely flicking the outside of her intimate parts. He flicked his tongue against her clit, teasing her. She twitched and started to groan in frustration. He chuckled and did it once, twice, and three more times before she balled up her fists and actually growled at him. She lifted up her head to give him a piece of her mind before he pressed his face into her, and OHGOD, his tongue!

Now he was full on stroking her lips and her labia, dipping in quickly to taste her core. She was impossibly wet, and he lapped her up, relishing her womanly oils. She was coming, and he was the only thing anchoring her down. She cried out as he stopped abruptly, but silenced herself as she realized he was unbuckling his pants. He freed his erection, and she had to marvel at his beauty. _My Romeo_, she thought. He quickly pulled her back to him and set his mouth back to work, this time inserting his fingers into her slick folds.

She had come down from her impending climax, and was frustrated that she may have lost it. But when he started pumping his fingers into her, she felt that dull ache building up again, and God if it wasn't more intense. His tongue was undulating into her clit and she felt herself breaking apart as she exploded. She practically screamed through her orgasm and Jax moved his face up to hers, swallowing her cries with his mouth. She could taste herself on him as she slowly came down from her high, his fingers still moving inside of her.

"I love you," he said again, looking her in the eyes. He pulled his fingers out and grabbed his impressive erection, poised at her entrance. She was still too wired to let out a coherent reply, and instead pulled his mouth into hers, forcing her to feel what her heart was trying to say. She nodded slightly, and he slowly and gently started to push himself into her. It burned, but she was lubricated enough that the pain was tolerable. He stopped halfway, resisting the urge to plunge into her and fuck her senseless. He watched her bite her lip as he pushed past her barrier, shushing her and making soothing sounds and broke down her walls, mentally and physically. Wonder spread across his face as he watched he pain turn into pleasure, and then finally wonder like his own.

He set forth a slow and driving pace, groaning at the tight wetness that surrounded him. He palmed her breasts and nuzzled her neck, loving the way her chest heaved as she breathed. He set the pace faster as she felt the butterfly pulsations around his dick. He moved his mouth to take in her breast, rolling his tongue around her nipple.

She was going to come again, and he wouldn't be left behind. He pulled almost completely out, grinning as she whimpered-**whimpered**! Before she could ask what he was doing, he pushed back in using the force of his hips to drive into her. She moaned out loud and started bucking against him in wanton pleasure, and so he did it again. And again.

She was tightening even more around him and she started pulling him against her, hands on his buttocks trying to take him in further. He thrust in again feeling that familiar electricity along his spine as his own release drew closer. He pressed his thumb against her clit and she cried out, hips spasming against his as she came. Her pulsating walls were too much and he started rolling into her hard. "I love you," she screamed, and that sent him over the edge, and suddenly he was coming and forcing his mouth against hers as they soared together, riding out the waves of their love. They were above the clouds, lost in each other in their own little world. It may have been hours before they both climbed back down, his body collapsed on top of hers as she rubbed her hands through his back and up into his scalp.

He kept thinking that he'd found his Juliet. He'd obtained that storybook love that he could not have conceived of existing. It was better than anything he could have ever imagined and he was overwhelmed with everything that was Tara. But in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but think that in the end Juliet died, and that not every story had a happy ending.

…


	20. Chapter 12: Fractures Part 3

"This bitch is done," Clay said, looking at each of the faces around the table. "Otto's sister called into her old boss' office and Eliza Skinner is getting into a shitload of trouble for poking around where she shouldn't be. Business can continue, as usual."

The room interrupted in cheers from the guys as they celebrated the relief that the feds weren't about to bust their asses. Only Jax sat silently, not quite ready to dismiss Eliza Skinner. Things didn't feel right, and they certainly didn't feel settled. He met Clay's eyes across the table and knew that there was more to this story. There always was with Clay.

After the room had cleared and the finances and delegations had been made, Jax walked up to Clay. "Want to tell me what the fuck's going on?" he said, careful not to let too many of his feelings creep through.

"I don't like you're tone, son," answered Clay, dismissing him. But Jax didn't miss the way his eyes darted to the ground.

"You're making a move, aren't you?" he said intensely. The others may have been oblivious to it, but Jax knew when Clay had other plans, and there was no way he was going to let Skinner go.

"Don't know what you're talk-"

"Bullshit!" he yelled, "You can't do this Clay, we didn't put it to a vote! She's a woman and she's connected."

Clay roared at him and picked him up by his kutte, slamming him down onto the table. Jax was strong, but there was no way his lanky form could contend with Clay's brute strength.

"Listen, BOY! You don't tell me what I can and can't do. I am SAMCRO! This bitch tried to put me down, to bring US down. Did you think I'd let her walk?" He was in Jax's face and he resisted the urge to spit on him.

"Get the fuck off me!" he yelled, and Clay backed off and stormed out of the room. Jax had to do something.

…

Tara could tell something was wrong. Jax was riled up, sitting on her bed. There was something off balance with him and she could feel the heat and tension coming off of his body. They still hadn't completely made up after her arrest. She still felt bad about the Natalie situation, and this distance was becoming a void. _**"Your mother would be ashamed."**_ The words kept circling around her head and she couldn't keep the thoughts out.

"Tell me what's wrong," she said, trying to keep her voice as soothing and mellifluous as possible. He winced then, almost like he was trying to tell her something, but kept his mouth shut.  
"Just hold me," he said. With that, she crawled onto his lap and wrapped her willowy arms around him. He squeezed her back, with an almost bone-crushing force, like she was his lifeline. Tara started to feel that _trickle trickle_ of fear in her spine again, and she thought, _this is it. This is where I lose him. _

"What's going on?" she asked, fear making her voice more stern than she intended. She grabbed his face and forced him to look into her eyes, and she almost cried at the pure agony she saw there.

"Things are about to get ugly, Tara. And I know what I have to do…but I think it could take me away from you…"

She didn't know what to say, and when she tried to probe him for more, he shut down completely. He wasn't responding to her probing questions, and then she started to push at him, shoving his shoulders, trying to get a reaction from him. Nothing worked, and he abruptly got up and left the room with Tara screaming after him. She was thankful that her father was out on one of his binges again.

She followed him out onto her driveway as he hopped onto his bike and started to pull away. She was furious and panicking now, not knowing what to do or how to react. He turned back at her and mouthed "I love you" before riding off and leaving her a crying mess on the road.

She finally got up afterwards, done with her tears, done with feeling weak. She wasn't going to lose him, not like this and not to some fucking hick town like Charming. She wasn't going to let him go. Tara grabbed the keys to her dad's cutlass. When he knew he was going to be trashed he took a cab; at least he was a conscious drunk, and his caution would be her convenience now. She put on her shoes and tied back her hair, revving the engine. She wasn't going to lose him.

…

** Tara wakes up and her head is pounding**, she is not hungover, but the room is spinning. What the fuck happened? Her eyes adjust to her surroundings and she realizes her hands are tied. She takes in the dingy walls and the crumbling concrete and doesn't recognize where she is. It all comes back to her as she takes in the dark and brutal lady standing before her. She has a gun in one hand and the other one is balling in and out of a fist. She looks at Principal Skinner's face and sees something there that terrifies her almost as much as the thought of losing Jax.

…

Jax leaves Tara and it takes all his strength not to go back and take her into his arms. He has to stop this. He knows Eliza is a threat, but he isn't about to let this woman get murdered just because she's been poking around and making his life a mess. He wouldn't be able to look Tara in the eye if that happened. He had to do what was right, for Tara, for himself. He's not sure what Clay has planned, but he knows that it'll be bloody. He goes home and gets a gun, puts on his bulletproof vest, checks his knife, and pulls on a dark hoodie over his kutte.

…

He calls J.C. around ten, and the little kid sounds groggy. "What's up, homie?" he asks, and his voice sounds groggy. Probably past his bedtime, thinks Jax.

"Hey kid, it's Teller. I need you to get me an address." Five minutes later, he's pulling up to Skinner's house and the gunshots have already started.

…

Eliza was doing the dishes when she heard a car pull up outside. It should have been overlooked, but her neighborhood was usually quiet. However, she had been feeling odd all night. Her nerves were shot. She had finally tapped into the SONS records and was able to legitimately link them the 9ers. Years of work would finally pay off and she could finally bring justice to the dead. Maybe she could continue where her life had left off and finally put this vendetta on the backburner. Victory was close, she could taste it, and that extra burst of energy, anticipation, had set her senses on edge.

It was that edge that put her on guard and alerted her to the fact that the car had stopped outside of her house. She peeked her head out of the corner of the window and saw a black van parked outside. _Oh shit_, she thought. She had spent too many years in the hood to not know a drive by van when she saw one. She ran to her closet and tucked her revolver in her waistband, whilst arming herself with the shotgun that she kept loaded.

They didn't know who they were fucking with. Three men got out of the car and she made them as Clay, Bobby, and Tig right away. For years she'd been building their profiles, memorizing their faces as she plotted to put them away. She saw that Tig had a white rag in his hand and a brown bottle in the other. _Chloroform_, she figured, and with that she pulled open her front door and unloaded a shot right into Clay's stomach.

…

Clay had brought along his two most trusted advisors to do the deed. Tig was down for it right away, no questions asked. Bobby needed a little more convincing, but once he realized the threat to the club and their liberty, he conceded. The plan was to pull in nice and slow and drug her and take her outside of Charming to snuff her. They'd make it look like a 9er deal because of her past history with the notorious street gang.

Clay was thinking about the kid and the way he had challenged him earlier. He had been getting more and more opinionated lately, _a little soft_. Clay didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

He lost that train of thought as he snapped back to focus. The door crashed open and there was Skinner looking like a bat outta hell, and furious. She shot him in the stomach and it knocked him off his feet. Tig had the sense to jump off to the side and he tackled Eliza as she kicked and scratched her way through him. She opened her mouth to scream, but was quickly cut off by the chloroform soaked rag crushed to her face. Within seconds she stopped moving.

Jax had just run up to them, his eyes wide as he knelt down besides Clay who was coughing up blood and wheezing. He frantically ripped off his sweater, checking for wounds on his stepfather's body. He let out a breath of relief when he saw the vest with numerous holes peppered around it.

Clay was bleeding in several places, but they were all superficial wounds. Bobby had taken buckshot to the arm that luckily had just grazed him.

"The fuck!" Jax said furious, and they all hushed him as they dragged Skinner to the van, trying to avoid the neighbors and ignore the porchlights that were slowly starting to go on. Jax froze when the lights down the street came on and he saw the familiar outline of the cutlass. Tara had followed him!

…

Shit! Jax had seen her, and he looked beyond horrified, and something darker than rage loomed behind his face. She had watched things unfold and had to stop from crying out when she saw Clay go down. Jax started stomping towards her and she pulled her car up, not even thinking of backing off. She got out of the car and walked up to Jax only to see Skinner's body lying limp in the grass. She started to shout, but Jax's hand clamped over her mouth stopped her.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" he hissed. Tara was unable to explain in adequate words that she was trying to save his soul, so instead she just gaped at him. While all of the attention was focused on Tara, no one noticed that Eliza had gotten up. She knew that they would try to rag her, so she held her breath, prepared to play possum until she had the element of surprise. She pulled her revolver from the back of her pants and let off a shot into Tig's back. Tara screamed and Tig crumpled down in pain. Bobby made a move to rush her, but she jumped past him clocking Clay on her way to Jax. She pistol whipped him in the face and turned around to line up a shot on Clay. Jax was too fast for her though and had his gun trained on her within seconds. Eliza then grabbed the closest thing to her, which was Tara, and put her in front of her like a human shield.

She was worried that it wouldn't work when she heard Clay cock his pistol anyways. He was going to kill the girl to get to her.

"WAIT, NO!" cried Jax stepping in between Clay and Eliza.

"Jax," Tara screamed, too terrified to do anything else.

"Get the fuck outta the way kid," said Clay. His face was a stone mask and his eyes were blazing in fury.

"No, look, just let her go," Jax said, trying not to let his panic show in his voice. She could see it in his eyes though. The kid would at least die for this girl. Tig started groaning on the ground. Shit, should've made a headshot, she thought. They were wearing vests. Oh well, the least he had at that range was a cracked shoulder blade and she hoped it was painful.

"Nobody fucking move," said Skinner. She held the gun to Tara's temple and slowly backed away towards the still running cutlass. She pushed her into the side and got in the driver's seat, careful to keep her eyes on everybody as she maneuvered around the interior. With that she drove off and sped away, Jax and the rest of the Sons in heavy pursuit.

…

**A/N: So, I hope the action panned out and that Skinner's behavior isn't too random. I wanted to really flesh her out instead of making her a big bad. She's been kind of a background presence from the beginning, lurking in the shadows, but she'll be integral in the next chapters of the story. Let me know what you think. I think I may have lost some of my reviewers Let me know that you're still out there and don't hate me! Thanks, as always for the people who took the time to review. **


	21. Chapter 12: Fractures Part 4

"Why are you doing this?" asked Tara.

"Besides the fact that they tried to take me out tonight?" Skinner asked sarcastically. "Hmmmm, let me think about it. Do you know what your BOYFRIEND and that fucking 'club' do for a living?" Tara could see the cracks in Skinner's façade. There was something off balance about the woman. She was slipping, delving into a delusional and desperate state of mind.

She whispered something, and Tara could hear the strain in her voice. She almost felt sorry for her.

"What?" asked Tara.

"They killed my brother," she said. And Tara was about to get hit with a reality that she wasn't ready for, one that she didn't want to know about.

…

"He was fifteen. Not much younger than you. I remember the way he would light up when I complimented him, or how proud he was when he did good on his grades. Our parents weren't there for shit, but I guess that's common for a lot of us Oakland kids. It's a rough neighborhood. Not like Charming where all the bad stuff gets swept under the rug. Nope. All our wounds are out in the open. The drugs, the prostitution, the violence. Damn. The violence." She droned on and on in a hushed whisper, but Tara hung on to every word, her stomach filling with molten led. She felt her heart break just a little bit for this woman.

"I just wanted to make a difference, to show the world that not all us niggers are junkie moms and drug addicts. I wanted to be on the right side of the law. I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT! I went after the 9ers, that was my mistake. But then they were the cause of the problem right? Getting the kids into gangs and hooking the parents on drugs-so I took out their leader. Got me a fucking medal and a promotion. All that good shit." She sniffed, and then Tara realized she was crying. She continued, lost in her own story,

"It means nothing. We were gonna celebrate, for me. He was walking home from school. They were watching me. They knew what he meant to me."

"THEY FUCKING GUNNED HIM DOWN LIKE A DOG!" she roared, and Tara could see the anguish behind her eyes, and that thin thread called sanity had snapped.

"But I got them, I got them all back. I killed that piece of filth leader and I brought the law down on the 9ers…but that still didn't stop them. They kept springing up. Kept getting new guns, new weapons; it allowed them the monopoly on the drug trade, all because they have superior guns. You have to stop the poison from the its source. And do you know who's fucking giving them the poison, Tara? That fucking white trash motorcycle gang! THEY KILLED MY BROTHER!"

Tara was lost and frightened, uncertain if she would make it out of this mess alive, but it frightened her more on what she would do if she did. How could things be right with Jax after this?

…

Jax had raced after them, following close behind the cutlass. Skinner had Tara hostage and they were doing some pretty impressive evasive driving. They almost ran Jax off of the road and it was enough to make Jax regret the lack of a useful law enforcement presence in Charming. Almost. He cut them off at a back alley, and they'd thought they'd lost him. Skinner pulled them into an abandoned warehouse and Jax took the time to call Clay.

Clay had Unser do a sweep of Skinner's house and snoop through her things. He'd discovered a portfolio as thick as the bible with information on all of the Sons. They would have to thumb through it later to find out what she had on them and who she may have contacted.

Chibs arrives first; Bobby and Tig are getting patched up at the clubhouse. Jax grits his teeth and resists the urge to mouth off. It was always a power trip with Clay, and it was becoming more and more apparent how his little ideas and plans always ended up benefitting him more than the club. Clay played dumb, but he was probably the most manipulative one of all. Jax was just starting to realize this, but the thought was quickly squashed down and overshadowed by the danger Tara was in.

"Jacky boy, I'm surry. What's the situa-shun?" said Chibs.

"It's been quiet in there. I wanted to wait for backup. We have to make sure Tara's safe. If anything happens to her…" he trails off, glaring at Clay whilst they try to figure out a game plan. A bullet whizzes past his face in a stinging haze, and then all hell breaks loose.

…

1 year later

…

Tara wakes up and walks to her dresser. She can already hear Jax in the kitchen of their small one bedroom apartment. It sounds like a disaster in there, and she chuckles softly. Opening the top drawer, she fishes out some house pants, her fingers brushing an envelope hidden underneath. She pushes more clothing on top of it. _Fucking Gemma and her gifts_, she thinks.

She had graduated several months ago, and had managed to pull her grades up enough to nab a couple of honors and offers from accredited universities. She had turned them down and opted to go the local community college, much to her father's lament. But it was better this way. She couldn't look him in the eye without feeling guilty. He was haunted by the ghost of her mother, and when Patrick came around, the ghost followed.

Tara supposes that she's being haunted as well. But her ghosts are always chased away by the angelic looking devil of her boyfriend. **Boyfriend**. The word will never be adequate enough.

He'd decided to get them a place together. The first month or so after the Skinner incident had left them broken. She had been terrified by the realities of the club, the realities of her boyfriend's lifestyle. Her critical eyes hadn't missed the Men of Mayhem patch on his kutte either. She pretended not to know what it meant. She couldn't handle it, so she blocked it out. Her eyes were vacant, and she must have lost ten pounds from the stress.

Jax was always there, however, and even when the situation was bleak and bitter, it was always tolerable with him nearby. He had assured her that he didn't kill Skinner. Promised her. She wanted to believe him.

Things were strained between them. They both could feel it. Sometimes it felt like the room was filled with a deadly electricity and the hairs on her neck would stand up. They would lock eyes, and she could see herself screaming and yelling, beating him down. She was furious with him, pissed off and so hurt that he had to live this lifestyle…but she always stayed quiet. She didn't have the energy to battle him, and to not be with him, well, she would never be strong enough to do that.

He knew it too, that he was walking on egg shells. He always had a panicked look on his face, and he would reach out, almost as if he would physically catch her and stop her from running away. His solution was for them to move in together, so he could watch her. _Trap her_. She hated and loved him for it. Fuck, she was just so lost lately.

Because he was trying so hard, it was easy for her to ignore the elephant in the room. She made her way out to the kitchen and her eyes started watering from all the smoke in the air. He was making her breakfast, which was a sweet and romantic FIRE HAZAARD.

…

Jax coughed as he burned the bacon, reaching his long arm up to swat the fire alarm off. He was trying to woo her. He's content to spend the rest of his life doing so, as long as she stays with him. He catches her every now and then, when things have gotten too quiet. She zones out and her eyes go blank. She gets this terrified look on her face and he wants to lock her in their room and chain her to the bed. He would fuck her into the mattress as long as it would distract her.

He would die if she left him. So he tried to keep her as busy as possible. He reasoned that if he made enough good memories, the bad ones would soon be forgotten. Too bad the heart didn't adhere to the laws of equivalent exchange. His mother had been furious. If she didn't hate Tara before the Skinner incident, she certainly did now. She had almost cut him off after he rented the apartment, but in the end she could deny her son nothing. He did his best to mediate between the two, and Gemma had been surprisingly civil about things. Of course, that was only after he reiterated that if anything happened to Tara, he would die. _Literally_, he threatened to kill himself. He saw that look of danger in his mother's dark eyes and had to plead with Clay that he had her under control. Tara would never rat them out to the cops, there was nothing to tell.

He didn't kill Skinner. The fact that he could say this honestly was the only reason Tara hadn't bolted. No, he didn't kill her, but what had happened was much worse.

He quickly squashes the thoughts down and Tara snakes her arms around his bare chest.

"Breakfast?" she asked with a chuckle.

"I was gonna surprise you with breakfast in bed," he sighed, tossing the smoldering pan on the back burner.

She smiles and kisses him softly before sitting down at their little dining table. He goes to work cleaning up the mess, and she sits down to read the morning paper.

"You know, I was thinking we could take a trip. Just you, me, and the Harley…" he said. He glanced over his shoulder, and turned off the faucet to hear her reply. "Tara," he called after a few seconds. Her face was completely hidden behind the newspaper. "Tara!" he called out more forcefully.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, that sounds nice," she said. "I'm gonna go grab us some breakfast," she said absently. She went to their room and he heard her shuffle around a bit. He went back to the monotonous task of doing the dishes. Tara emerged from the room with her big shoulder bag and car keys in hand. He tried to stop her to kiss her goodbye, but she pushed past him, and wouldn't meet his eyes. She rushed out the door, muttering to herself.

Jax panicked a little, but was determined not to smother her. After he finished the dishes and dried his hands, he sat down and casually flipped through the paper. The headline stopped him in his tracks and he raced back to their room. He knew that Tara kept an envelope in her top drawer, and he was way too invasive not to have read it. _Fuck privacy, this is Tara_, was his reasoning.

He never mentioned that he knew about its contents. That damned envelope with the acceptance letter to UC San Diego and the voucher for the one way bus ticket. It was her contingency plan, and he would accept it, allow her to use it as a security blanket, but he would never let her leave. He couldn't lose her. But as he threw on some clothes to chase after her, his eyes mapped over the paper again, the macabre headline sealing his fate and making him realize that she may have already been lost.

…

A/N: Wow, this has been an amazing adventure. Only two chapters left to go. You guys have been awesome. I almost have 50,000 hits on this story and so many of you have taken the time to review. It really means a lot to me, and in a time when life has been bringing me down, your words of encouragement have built me up. Thanks so much. I have another story planned out, but I will be taking this into AU territory. Make sure to check back so you guys can enjoy more T/J action after DYR is over. The next Chapter, Breaking Point, will wrap things up and then I'll have a sort of epilogue bringing us up to the events of S1. Hopefully the last chapter wasn't too confusing, I know it jumped off topic and took us away from J/T for a minute. That was purposeful, because the events of that night are integral into how this relationship ends and how their futures are shaped together. This chapter is sort of a way to tie things back in, so let me know what you think! Thanks again, LOVE-Vengeance.

…


	22. Chapter 13: A Plague On Both Your Houses

A Plague On Both Your Houses  
a/n: *Listen to Turning Tables by Adele. Perfect Song for these last two chapters. Hopefully, this chapter will answer all your lingering questions and put a nice little wrapped on the story. I am being purposefully vague in some areas and might elaborate on these moments in my re-write and edit. I want you to get the feeling that something brutal happened and that Jax is shuffling around it. For J/T, the last moments must have felt like a tornado of emotions, but to cope, they must have hazed through it. One more chapter left!

…

Tara doesn't know where to go, she just knows that she has to get the hell out of Charming. This place has corrupted everything she knows and loves. So she goes "home." She is unsurprised to see the cutlass on her driveway, the familiar sleek back ride a welcome sight for sore eyes. Praying that her father isn't drunk, she knocks on the door.

Her father is thankfully sober and he welcomes her inside. He smells like old pine and vanilla, and the scent makes her eyes water. He smiles like the father that she had when she was little, before tragedy and booze entered their lives.

"What's the matter, baby?" he asks, and his soothing voice is just too much. She tells him about her acceptance letter. He admonishes her for not going to school earlier and reminds her that they have family connections in San Diego. She tells him about how Gemma gave her the bus ticket, and all but threatened her out of town. She can see the anger behind his eyes, but he's sober, so he controls it. He comforts her, and after she sheds her tears he finally broaches the subject that has been a taboo in the household for so long.

"You're so much like her, you know," he says. He can't meet her eyes, and he stares at his hands as they fidget in his lap. "She had a keen medical mind, she could have done anything…it was never your fault, you know."

At this Tara lets out a sob, not realizing that she'd been holding her breath the whole time. Patrick still can't face his daughter. It's taking all his strength just to let this out.

"It was my fault. I knew that she had big dreams, but I wanted to keep her here. I knew that if we went out to the big city, I would lose her. I didn't know that I was slowly killing her. She had such a hard life in this town, and I didn't know what it meant to keep her here. She was depressed, and I ignored it, because I couldn't stand to lose her." Her father looks so much older than he really is. His eyes are haggard and his skin has a sallow tinge from all the damage to his liver over the years.

"Dad," she struggled. She recounted the happy memories of her mother, but also recognized the symptoms of depression. She had her suspicions about her mother's torrid childhood, but her young mind couldn't grasp the severity of the situation. For Tara, it was her fault-she was the one who trapped her mom, the burden that couldn't be left behind. Tara blamed herself for her mother's suicide and had spent her life trying to make it up to her father.

"You're like her, but so much stronger, my dear. I'm sorry for all the shit I've put you through. You didn't deserve it. You need to get out of Charming and live your life. Don't let yourself get tied down by a man, like I did to your mother. You deserve better." With that, he finally faced her, both of their eyes glistening with tears and finally some form of resolution. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off of both their shoulders.

"I love you Daddy," she whispered.

"I love you too, baby. You're the only thing that's saved me over the years. Now it's time to go and save yourself."

…

Jax had been searching for hours. He goes home, exhausted and weary, and worried that she may already be gone. _Lost._ So, imagine his shock when he finds her sitting on their living room couch, one of his guns in hand.

…

It had to be David _fucking_ Hale. Jax was frightened that Tara had even had the nerve to hold one of his guns. The serial number was filed off, of course. It wasn't the threat of the weapon that put ice in his stomach. Rather, the fact that Tara was calmly palming the steel with a ponderous look in her eyes. It was an oxymoron, Tara with a gun.

The accusations had started out as an intense conversation and ended as an all-out screaming match. She was on edge because she wanted him to leave with her. He was frazzled because of a paralyzing sense of guilt. Neither could get their point across and both had crossed the lines of civility. It wasn't possible for them to communicate what was really on their minds, and so a shouting match of unfinished feelings and threats ensued.

Unfortunately, Jax was unaccustomed to the fact that they were no longer in the posh neighborhood of his childhood home. Apartments had thin walls. They started inside and ended up on the street. Tara still had the gun, and one of the neighbors decided to call the cops. David arrived on the scene with his shiny new deputy badge and smug smile. Blows were exchanged and words were thrown, and Tara sat shocked, not sure what to do with the gun in her hand. She put it down, where Hale later bagged it as evidence. It was a blur of events that led them into police custody and into the holding cells across from one another. Unser would see to it that the gun was lost and that the charges would be dropped, so Jax wasn't worried about criminal charges for once. It was only a matter of time until Gemma came to bail them both out, as had recently been the tradition, but it was too bad that his mother couldn't save the real problems in his life and make Tara stay. He was going to lose her.

…

They sat, looking at each other. Twenty feet away and still miles apart, iron bars weren't the only thing separating them now. Things had gotten out of hand, and there was no going back.

"So here we are again," said Jax. He tried to laugh off some of the nervous tension. The silence was almost worse than the shouting.

"Yeah, I'm always getting arrested with you," she said, blowing out a big breath of air. When she inhaled, her breath caught and she broke down into sobs. He wished he could wrap his arms around her, damn these iron bars.

"Shhhh, shhh, I'm sorry, baby," he crooned, trying to hold back tears himself. "It's gonna be okay, we're gonna be okay." He was convincing no one.

"No Jax," she worked out, "we're not going to be okay. I saw it in the papers. Eliza Skinner was murdered."

At breakfast, Tara was still somewhat optimistic. Sure things were strained, but they could make it through this. She would find a way to save him. That was until she read the news article, the black and white paper still burned fresh in her mind.

…

**HIGH SCHOOL PRINCIPAL, BRUTALLY MURDERED**

_In what appears to be a gang related killing, former DEA and ATF agent, Eliza Skinner's body was found after being reported missing for months in the Lodi Metro area. The Oakland native dedicated her life to cleaning up the violent and drug riddled streets of her hometown. The remains were badly decomposed, but signs of abuse are evident throughout the medical examiner's findings and the cause of death is still inconclusive. The head was separated from the body, and it is unknown if she was decapitated pre or post mortem. Ligature marks and defensive wounds tell a haunting and frightening story. Students and co-workers alike can finally mourn and memorialize the former principal of Charming High School. Hopefully, something good can come of this tragedy as the violent and brutal nature of the killing has sent a ripple of shockwaves on the different law enforcement agencies. Perhaps the people who were unable to stand for her in life will take up arms and fight now that she has passed. More information to follow this heartbreaking story. _

…

"Jax, I've been through so much with you. And I love you more than anything…but I need you to tell me what happened that night." He dreaded those words and the repercussions that would follow. Yet, he could deny her nothing. He made sure they were alone, and then took himself back to that night.

…

Tara was being held hostage and Jax debated on whether or not he should call the police to help, fuck the blowback from the club, anything to get Tara safe again. Chibs, always the sensible one, calms him down and comes up with the plan. Piney and Opie arrive, and he feels better now that his best friend is here.

Clay yells for her to negotiate out front whilst Piney and Opie flank from the East, and he and Chibs go in from the West. Skinner's too smart to fall for it though, and when a bullet aimed for Chibs pounds from her gun, Jax jumps in and pulls him down, saving his life. He didn't know it then, but he'd earned a lifetime of loyalty from the Scotsman.

She was a tough bitch, for sure, but even her government training couldn't stop the fury of five angry bikers. Jax went to Tara, who was glazed over. He set Piney to take her home, thankful that the older man was always gentler with girls. Before she left, she made him promise that they wouldn't kill Principal Skinner, and to save his relationship, he agreed.

Personally, he felt that Eliza deserved death. Woman or no, she had threatened Tara. Clay wanted to outright execute her right then and there. Not in Charming, Opie argued. Chibs was silent on the matter, looking to Jax to come up with one of his ideas to save the day. He did.

…

Jax sat somberly in the jail cell, the walls were a sickly yellow, and he felt haggard and trapped. He was glad there were bars to separate them now. "Clay wanted to put a bullet in her that night. Leave her cold. I didn't want to have to lie to you Tara, so I came up with a plan. "

"So _you_ didn't kill her then?" she asked, and he was sad to hear the hope in her voice. There was no hope for him.

"No. But her blood is still on my hands. We gave her over to the 9ers, Tara. I knew that they had a blood feud with her. She's put enough of them away. We gave her to the wolves, and I can't find it in me to regret that decision. She was gonna hurt you, baby, and she deserved to die."

She was silent as she visualized the torture the woman must have endured at the hands of those men of violence. She eyed that damned Men of Mayhem patch on his vest again. They had sent Skinner to a terrible fate and into a lion's den tied and open. Raped, tortured, and killed. And she had fought back, too. That woman had spent her entire career trying to put an end to the violence, only to meet her untimely end at the hands of the most notorious gang on the west coast. No, this time Jax was right, what the Sons did was worse than giving her a quick and clean death.

"How could you let that happen?" she asked, her voice was strained and Jax could see the tremors in her arms as she struggled not to break down.

He got up and pressed his body to the bars, willing himself closer to her. "What else could I have done, Tara? This is my life, this is what I have to deal with. I wish I could tell you everything, but it would leave you scarred and broken…and you'd hate me." He fought back tears himself as he thought of his fate as the heir apparent to the increasingly violent MC. Clay was burying him deeper and deeper and he wasn't sure there was a way out.

"You're too good for me Tara. I know you want to leave. I want to beg you to stay, but if you don't go, I'll keep you here forever."

"Come with me," she pleaded, and he shook his head no. How could he go about living a normal life when the club was all he knew? How could he take care of Tara on a shitty minimum wage salary and no education? He didn't deserve her…but maybe?

"We can start over," she cried, and she reached her arm through the bar, hand outstretched and welcoming. "You and me. That's all we need. I can get you out of here. I just need you."

He didn't answer, and simply stretched his arm back. They weren't even close to making contact, but the feelings were clear. He wanted to go. It was his most desperate and heartfelt desire. He simply lacked the willpower to articulate it.

"I know you have to think about it. Your whole life is here. But you'll have me and we can go anywhere. I have to get out of here Jax. With or without you. I won't let this place consume me like it did my mother." Tara had hardened her resolve. She couldn't imagine a life without him, but to watch him be corrupted and tormented was more than she could bear. She wouldn't be weak like her mom, and she would be willing to take the hard way out. They were both unaware that outside of their line of sight, Gemma and Unser were listening to everything they were saying.

…

Unser came in to let them out, and Jax had assumed Gemma was there. He let Tara out first and she reached through the bars for him. He squashed his face up to the metal to receive her tear stained kiss. She ran her hands through his hair and he held onto her as if she were life itself.

"I'm going home to pack, and then I'm taking the three o'clock bus out of here. You can either come with me or stay here and…die." And with that she left. He rarely saw this side of Tara, but he knew it existed. He was proud of her resolve and willpower. She had that stubborn fighting spirit and knew that if she put her mind to it, she wouldn't waiver. It terrified him.

She walked off and Unser walked over to the locks, but instead of freeing him, he pocketed the keys. He simply looked at Jax with an alarming amount of pity, "Sorry kid, paperwork's not done for you yet," and left. He blew out a huff of air as he mentally worked out the inner battle of his life. Leave Charming, leave your life and home, or go with Tara, suffer with her. She was his life and home and to be without her was to suffer…

Whilst he raged with himself in that tiny cell, the clocked ticked on by, and he didn't realize that Gemma had no intention of letting him out.

…

Tara had made up her mind and nothing was going to stop her. She called her father and waited on the front steps for him to pick her up, going through the things she wanted to pack and praying that Jax would be there with her.

"So you're skipping out of town, huh?" said Gemma, the last person she wanted to see.

"Yeah, thanks for the ticket."

"Knew it'd come in handy sooner or later," she chuckled, and Gemma's snide tone was almost enough to set Tara on edge again. "You never belonged here, you know?"

"What? This backwater, inbred, hillbilly town?" she snapped. "Or to you and your fucking motorcycle gang. The one that's gonna kill your son!"

"My son is my concern, and if you're leaving, he won't ever be a concern of your again, little girl."  
Tara was furious. How could this woman be so cold and delusional? Tara didn't doubt her motherly love, but her logic was flawed and almost sadly comical. She felt pity for this woman, but had to respect her tenacity.

"It's over Gemma, and I don't want to fight with you anymore. I just need you to know that I love Jax. Maybe even more than you do. I'm begging you to let him go. Free him from the trap of 'Anarchy' and the 'Sons' and let him go. If you don't, he'll end up dead or in prison, and everything good that we love about him will be stripped away."

It was a dramatic plea, and she hated that it sounded like she was begging Gemma. But the words had to be said. Tara had made up her mind that she was leaving, and even if Jax didn't come with her, she wanted him to be safe. She would beg this woman that she reviled, and hated, and reluctantly respected because she was all that he'd have left.

Gemma was taken aback by this haughty girl who'd ensnared her son. What was this new ploy she was trying? Was she really gonna leave? Then she'd better mind her fucking business. Gemma told her just that.

"Hmph. Just look out for him Gemma." Patrick rolled up in the cutlass and Tara got into the passenger side. She glanced out the window and forced a small smile out of Gemma. It was farewell and 'I'm sorry' all wrapped into one. As she drove away, both women reflected on each other with bitterness and perhaps a little bit of understanding as to each other's motives. They would both be forever bound by their love of one man.

Gemma quickly brushed off that trickle of guilt that she was feeling. Tara had no idea that she'd heard her trying to manipulate her son into leaving town, leaving the club! She'd told Unser to keep Jax on lock and not to let him out until the next day. By 3 o'clock, Tara would be out of Charming and out of their lives forever. Surprisingly, she wasn't sure if she was happy about that or not.

…

Jax had been screaming for what seemed like an hour. His throat was on fire and he was almost to the point of hyperventilating. Unser, that fuck! He wasn't going to let him out. He was going to miss Tara, and after all that inner turmoil, he'd finally decided he would go with her. As if there was any other choice.

Deputy Hale had been listening to the wails of agony for the last couple of hours. He'd seen Gemma talking to Unser, and put two and two together. He'd respected the old man, but he'd had his suspicions that Unser wasn't the man he'd hoped he was. He'd eavesdropped a little bit and the rumors around town were that Tara was leaving Charming.

Tara…she'd always have a soft spot in his heart. She was too good for that piece of trash, but why couldn't she stay and see that there was something better right in front of her, and here at home? He knew that they loved each other, hell everyone in town knew about Jax and Tara's escapades. How he'd led her astray and gotten her arrested. That's what pissed David off the most. Not only did Jax get the girl, but he was ruining her. **His** perfect Tara.

He'd considered letting Jax out, the paperwork had been finalized hours ago, but Unser insisted he stay the night in the holding cell. The evidence he'd bagged earlier was conveniently lost, and Tara wasn't pressing charges. All of his witnesses had clammed as well. Typical and infuriating. He was content to let Jackson rot…until he heard the sobbing.

Since middle school, through all the shit and fighting that he'd been through, he'd never heard or thought he'd hear the day Jackson Teller cried. He didn't cry when he was first arrested, or when he'd gotten his ass kicked in the sixth grade. Even when his father passed away, he had never seen Jax cry. It was unnerving. It was guilt-inducing. And so, against his better judgement, David set out to do what he always did-the right thing.

…

Jax didn't have a watch, but he knew and could tell that it was close to 3, if it had not passed already. He was exhausted and on the verge of breaking down when the sobs started to rack through his body. It was as if his soul was bubbling up and punishing him for letting Tara go. For not telling her that he would go anywhere with her, without a doubt. He tried to hold it back and quiet it down. Crying was for pussies and he forced himself to hold it inside, brushing his tears off his face.

Vulnerable and crying was the one way he didn't want David fucking Hale to see him. But when he unlocked his cell and left the door wide open, he couldn't stop the respect from manifesting. "Why?" he asked, his voice still raw from screaming.

"I'm not doing this for you. If you're hurting this bad, then I know Tara's probably much worse." And with that he left, leaving Jax feeling dumbstruck and floored. He didn't need to be told twice. He rushed off to his bike, noting with panic that it was 3:05 and that he might be too late. He was praying to gods he didn't believe existed that he wasn't too late. Please be there, he begged.

…

He didn't show. He would never leave Charming…not for her. Every insecurity and thought that she wasn't good enough flooded her heart and froze it in her chest. She had said a muted goodbye to her father and waited around for him. Gemma had a stronger hold on him than she thought. He had told her before, that the club was his life. There was no leaving or getting out. She thought that he would choose her, that their love was strong enough…but she was wrong. Briefly, she thought of turning around and running back to Charming, to him. She was on auto-pilot as she boarded the bus, and quickly made up her mind that it was for the best in the long run. She would heal and things would move on. Tara Knowles was nothing if not logical. Even though life without him seemed impossible, she would endure and be strong. She was stronger than her mother. She would live the life she never had. Tara wasn't interrupted as she sobbed in her seat. The steady roll of the bus' engine lulled and _shhhshh'd_ her. **He** chose charming, and she was all alone again.

…

He was at the bus station and saw Patrick Knowles drive by in the cutlass, no Tara. He checked with the ticketman and frantically rolled through the bus depot. He looked at the time, 3:21. He'd broken every speed limit and pushed his bike to the max, and still he was too late. Jax walked out to the deserted road and roared all his pain and all his fury into the sky. She'd left without him. He would follow her of course, but if she'd had made the decision to leave him behind, then that meant that she could lead a better life, and who was he to contest that? So even abandoned and broken, Jax did not give chase. He knew from the beginning that Romeo and Juliet weren't going to have a happy ending, and so he was mourning now, the pain crippling and unbearable. _But he would not chase her._ She was where she belonged and he was where he was supposed to be. Miles away, Tara sobbed and mourned as well, ready to start another life far away from Charming.

…

Yeah, that was really hard to write. One more chapter to wrap things up and bring us to the pilot episode. I have to apologize for any grammatical issues or inconsistencies. I have no beta and have been too busy to do a proper edit. I will get to it eventually. I really wanted certain things to be elaborated on with my story, mainly: Tara's love/hate relationship with Charming, her love/hate/respect relationship with Gemma, the origins of their tattoos, her "wild" past and catfights, the comfortable friendship that she has with Hale and his soft spot for Tara, why she would date a guy like Kohn and how and why she would have an abortion. I had fun with Juice's little cameo and might expand on it in the polished version of this story. On Jax's end, I wanted to show how he gets in deeper with the club. We know that Kohn was his first cold cut kill, but obviously he and Tara aren't too shocked by murder and death based on the ease in which they adapt to it after episode 7. Tara even takes care of a couple of people on her own later own with no real repercussions. So hopefully the Skinner situation explains a bit of that. I also wanted to set up the rivalry/respect with Jax and Hale. Tig and Jax also have a rivalry, and I wanted to create a moment where Tig would have this animosity for Jax missing a job. Conversely, I wanted Chibs to have a moment where we build the foundations for the fun "Jacky boy" relationship they have. This is the longest story I've ever written and it was a pain in the ass to make sure I was keeping it canon. This isn't the end of J and T for me, so stay tuned and keep reading and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW. One more chapter and we're done with this one, so let me know how you're feeling!


	23. Chapter 14: Don't You Remember FIN

Last chapter *Tear. Multi-post today, so make sure you read the last chapter before going on to this one!

…

Don't You Remember

…

Tara remembers sitting in her college dorm room, crying after the lights went off. She forces herself not to think of him and ends up reminiscing, crying even harder.

Jax is sitting in a jail cell, how many times he's been here, he doesn't know. Lights off, and it's her face he sees. He hopes she's in better place.

She drones on through classes. Often she's crisp and alert, and on top of her classes. Sometimes she falls into one of her moods and she's repressed and anti-social. She'll act recklessly and flirt with random men, anything to take the sting away. It's for this reason she finds herself drawn the the dark and dangerous Joshua Kohn. A man too caring to seem real and with all the right credentials, she latches on and gets herself into a bad situation. When she fucks him, there's only one face she sees, and she realizes that no one can replace him even ten years later.

He goes on runs for the club, and when Piney gets pneumonia, he steps down as VP and lets Jax take his place. He should relish the promotion, but he dreads the responsibility. Still, the one person he lives for is miles away and out of his life. His purpose for living. So he latches onto the club with renewed fervor, and everyone praises and smiles. He finds Wendy fucks her to take off the sting of loneliness. He pretends that it's enough and that if he keeps trying, some day it will be. When he finds out she's pregnant he realizes that he has to stop lying to himself.

When she goes back home and sees him the first time, it hits her like a tsunami. Through a torrent of emotions and struggles, she tries to resist and convinces herself that she just came home to be safe. When he's inside her, she realizes that she came home for him, and it terrifies her that ten years later he still owns her heart completely.

He sees her a decade after she left him heartbroken and it's like a sign to him. He rides the waves of happiness, and life is somehow much better. Things are clear and it's as if a great big piece of his heart has settled back in.

She remembers his mischievous smile, and the way his cheeks would dimple when he was trying to hold down his emotions. She would have moments of pure happiness and a feeling of home that she never thought she'd have…and it was all because of him.

He thinks that having her in his arms is the best feeling in the world. He remembers the smell of her skin and the softness of her hair. He will never do enough to deserve her, but is way too selfish to ever give her up. It's always been that way, and he can't believe he was stupid enough to let her go. Now that she's back, he never will.

She pushes him away because things are different now. They are not teenagers and he has a baby on the way. She is jealous of the other women and keeps her distance because things cannot go back to the way she remembered. Things are different now.

He gets angry when he finds the tokens of love initialed J.K. He throws them away before she can find them, and one day, while he's visiting her for lunch, her phone rings while she's away. He answers it, and it is J.K. He tells him to piss off and that Tara has a new boyfriend now. He hangs up before he can respond and deletes the call log. He smiles at her when she sits back down, not knowing that he's set in motion a slur of events that will bring this man into his hometown.

She hasn't heard from Kohn and is relieved. Things are still awkward with her and Jax. They make small talk and he visits her for lunch every now and then. They are both still cautious with their feelings, but relish in discovering the fact that they are friends again. It's better than they remembered. They still don't talk about the club. It's a rule of thumb, and things stay distant. It is more disheartening when Gemma or Clay are around.

She keeps things short with Gemma, remembering the harsh words and accusing eyes as the woman manipulated her son. She can see that Gemma respects her now, even though she'd never admit it. It's no longer girl vs woman, but woman vs woman, and Tara is braver and bolder than ever. She realizes that this time she can fight Gemma and win over Jax. It makes her feel powerful, but she can never forget how helpless the woman use to make her feel.

Gemma whispers to him when she finds out they've been seeing each other. She reminds him of how broken he was and how he cried in her arms like a child when she left. Gemma never forgets, and she hates Tara for hurting him. He can't argue with his mother, nor deny the pain that was caused. He was damn near catatonic for a month afterwards, saved only by his mother, his best friend, and the club. He'll never forget that his mother was there for him.

…

They fight and argue; sometimes they are civil and polite. They orbit each other for weeks and never interact. Then his son is born, and the woman he loves helped bring him into the world. He thinks this is the best thing in the world and wishes he could do it again with her this time.

…

They finally stop orbiting and collide and explode in a cosmic way, fucking each other into oblivion as the ominous form of J.K.'s corpse looms in the corner. They don't care. They are back where they belong, and it's better than they remembered.

…

Their bodies are re-familiarizing themselves with each other. There is no such thing as personal space between them, and there is a strong feeling of right when they are together. Things are not perfect, and a storm is brewing. But this time he'll learn from his mistakes. He'll be there for her and protect her. He'll tell her whatever she wants to know and be there for her one hundred percent.

This time she's stronger, tougher. She knows that life without Jax could never be this good so she copes with the bullshit that comes with the club. She learns how to deal with Gemma, and when the bullets and blood start flying, she doesn't run. Even when she wants to. This time she'll stick it out because memories can never be as good as this, but she'll continue making good ones for their future.

…

FIN

YAY! I wanted to keep the ending simple and basic and really connect things on an emotional level by showing flashes of what happened. I knew this is where I wanted to end this story. I wanted to really flesh out their pasts, but bring you up to speed pre S1. This show is awesome and I'm so glad that it has so many awesome fans that we can congregate and express ourselves like this. I'll never be one of those people who complains about reviews, or holds back on you because of them. However, I do want to thank everyone who takes the time, especially Eve Levine, Belle, and Northwoman who've been there from the start and review almost every chapter. Everyone has been awesome with their opinions and insight and it really helps the writing process. Thank each and every one of you for taking the time, I read EVERY single review and it makes my day. I hope you've enjoyed this story, I know I've enjoyed writing it and I hope that you'll take the time to follow some of my other works as well!


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